My friend was killed and I cant talk about it

[kate_c]

6 months ago one of my good friends was killed in a car crash and died instantly.

I knew her through work so none of my family members ever met her. I don't often show talk about things that are bothering me and especially not Lucy's death. I've talked about her maybe 3 times over the past 6 months, and my family just say 'lucy who?' not even knowing who im talking about. I know they didn't know her, but no one has even asked me if I'm ok or how I am, even after the memorial.

Sometimes I just feel so alone in all of this, and I have no real avenue to talk about it. My family makes me feel bad for me not wanting to talk about it, but I still dont know how I feel, I can't even say her name without crying. My mum tells me that Im turning into a hermit and it is unhealthy to not be able to talk about her death (this was 2 days after she died), insinuating that I should be able to talk about her death openly and freely as if it were nothing.

I don't know what I'm looking for here, somewhere to talk, or just someone to listen.

[skybluecoast]

Hi Kate_C

I think you are saying your family hasn't really been that supportive. Right?

I totally understand how you feel. About 6 months ago a cleaner at my work had a workplace accident. A bunch of us went out to try, but nothing we could do. For some reason the sadness lingered for many months, even though I didn't know her well. My family and co-workers all seemed to not notice I was struggling.

People just expected it to go away. But maybe for some of us, something in our mind needs to linger to contemplate this tragic passing.

When I read your post I can tell you are a caring person. Lucy I assume was not an older person, and it's really tragic her life ended too soon. It's definitely not 'nothing'. People can make some very inaccurate assumptions.

Different people can react to tragedy in different ways. You have the right to react to this in your way. Crying is totally ok. I still cry about people I know who have passed away years ago. It's just a deep sense of sadness and you are right, it is hard to put into words.

Personally, drawing and painting helped me a lot. Because sometimes words just can't explain how we feel.

But I am here to listen, others are too, and I think you are fine to feel as you do. Our society does not seem to do rituals and mourning very well at all. I hope you feel better soon and you get the support you deserve here.

You are not being a hermit because you are reaching out right here. Good for you. Let's both of us pick a flower for Lucy tomorrow.

Peace and Light - Sky

[white knight]

Hi Kate

Firstly, so sorry for your loss. It is difficult to cope when you are alone in your grief.

Obviously your friend meant a lot to you. You are entitled to your times of despair and time is the best healer of tragedy.

Unfortunately family doesn't always fill the gaps of oir needs. Have faith however, your family does love you, they simply dont support you to the level you require. That isnt their fault, it is just how it is.

So in these situations we are best to seek out friends that you can chat with. If there is no one visit your GP for a talk.

I'd like to commend you on what a great friend you must have been. To feel loss and post here indicates your depth as a person.

Some people vhannel their loss with a rose plant, a momento etc, maybe you can think of a way to remember your friend. My method is poetry. Even a long poem I pick one verse and resite it eg

....It's just something I must accept

But I be eager when my feet will greet

My father footstep stenciled feet. ...

Finally, you could pick one family member and ask them to join you at a cafe. Tell that person you need to talk about your friend. Sometimes the direct approach works.

It is hard to keep your faith in people. They sometimes font get the impact of a situation.

Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[asianaussie]

Hi kate_c,

As someone who's lost 2 friends to suicide (the latest just in February), I want to let you know that you're not alone. Losing a friend, regardless of whether you've met them or known them for a long time, it can be devastating. From what I can see Lucy was someone you cared about deeply, and obviously she never deserved this. Any death is significant, it's not something that just 'goes away' within weeks. It's something you never get over from.

Grief is unique with everyone. From reading about your family, they obviously don't understand as much what you're going through. Feeling misunderstood can be tough, and it can sour trust to open up. However, I think they're saying these things out of more concern.

I can't exactly know what you're thinking and feeling, but I reckon do take the chance to talk to someone. At least one person you feel the most closest to, and spend time in private to chat. It does not have to be your family. A friend, a counsellor, God (if you're religious), even some fictional character. I know it sounds weird, but I sometimes talk to myself when no one is around. I've 'talked' or wrote letters to my 2 friends at times. Anything to open up, rather than bottling it all in, it alleviates at least. Really.

Whichever way you feel. In the end, it's what's best for you. Don't fret about reposting anytime soon. Much love to you right now.