Moved to a new town and really alone

[Hanna3]

Hi, I'm in my early 60s and not well off, I recently made a big move to an inland town from the coast and am finding it cliquey and really hard to get to know anyone. I live alone with my dog who has separation anxiety so it is hard to leave him alone at home for long, which limits what I can do. I am really homesick for the easy-going lifestyle near the sea but thought a cooler climate would suit me better as I don't cope with heat well, but it's been really hot here and bad drought. I didn't expect such heat but everyone tells me it's got worse in the last couple of years and I don't have aircon, so am stuck inside the house alone a lot. I am in public housing so it's an old fibro place with no insulation.

I have friends who live a long way away but as soon as I mention to them I am feeling lonely they don't want to talk and I feel very let down, as one of them had a lot of family problems and I always let her talk a long time and tried to give her some support, now I need it there is none back. I've tried joining things like a choir and a book club but only met once before they finished for the Christmas/New Year and don't go back until February. Due to the dog's anxiety I try not to leave him alone during the day, we walk in the park a lot but you don't run into the same people often - this town is quite big, where I lived before was very small and you had a lot of acquaintances as you kept running into the same people.

Anyway I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I thought there would be more for me to do here than where I lived before but in fact it's worse, I have no family, and no friends to talk to. Hoping there is some support here as I feel lonely enough to curl up on the floor - I don't have the money to move back and anyway the wait for Housing would be years. Feel like I've made a huge mess of my life and my poor little dog seems depressed and lonely too. Thanks for any support.

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, yes I watched the first episode last night - I think she is meant to have Aspergers? Only problem was the subtitles were a bit below the TV screen so I could only read half of them - but I still enjoyed it!

Have just popped back home after thankfully having a friend's house for two days while she is away and she has aircon - it was divine to feel comfortable all day. Walked into my old fibro and the smell of smoke inside is dreadful as the windows are the old sash kind that don't seal properly, no wonder I am having sinus and breathing problems. Just giving Sam dinner and we'll go back to the friend's house for the evening to enjoy the cool, it's still over 40 here with thick smoke.

Had to go to the GP this afternoon for a script for an inhaler as I'm asthmatic and the smoke is causing issues and I mentioned about Housing having no aircon and she said we should not have aircon as we would be adding to the carbon footprint!!!!!! She is a GP married to a physician so I am sure she lives very comfortably.

I asked her why people who could afford it had aircon and the poor, sick and disabled were expected to put up with the heat and smoke. She was taken aback that I spoke back. I came out determined not to see her again - I'm sure these people live in a bubble!

It sounds much more pleasant where you are. I hope you are feeling OK heading into Christmas it can be a difficult time. Lovely to hear from you!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

What a bummer about the subtitles. Yeah I really liked Saga's character, she's very interesting. Glad you're enjoying the show.

I'm feeling a bit bummed out as my son has told me he's not coming home for Christmas now. So that means I'll be alone too (well, alone with my dog and 2 cats anyway). Sigh... I'm going to plan to have some nice food, maybe go to the beach as it's supposed to be warm, and I might get Die Hard to watch lol. Do you like a bit of Bruce Willis? A bit of old school action might cheer me up on Christmas Day.

Glad to hear you've been staying at a friend's place, as it truly sounds quite unbearable where you are. I hope it eases up soon. It's a very pleasant 24 here today and not getting much hotter. Hope you're well, Katy x

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, great to hear from you and I'm sorry about your son not turning up for Christmas and you're feeling understandably down. Those of us alone here on Christmas Day are planning to meet up during the day in the BB Café so do join us that would be lovely.... I'm just spending it with Sammy so nothing happening here... it's a bit depressing...

I worked out if I adjusted the zoom on the TV I can read the subtitles so I'm rewatching a couple of episodes of The Bridge - yes she's an interesting character isn't she? Thanks so much for the recommendation!

Terrible smoke here today everyone driving with headlights on, no readings are available but a nearby town is ranked hazardous and we're so close to the fires it must be here - poor Sam is desperate for a walk but I don't think it's OK to walk in it - it's hard to breathe and you can't even see very far. Horrible time to move here!!! I feel like everything is going wrong... I have to be thankful my house isn't burning I guess. Still it makes for long booring days alone indoors... I'd love to go for a nice long walk with Sam....

Do keep in touch it's always good to chat with you. Yes Bruce Willis can be good and maybe an action movie will be a good bit of escapism for you...

Sorry you're down and I'm lonely so that's two of us... nobody in the café so I guess I'll have some late lunch now - went to the shops this morning but it's crazy busy because people can't get outdoors...

I wish I was back on that beach in my picture with Sam! Oh dear. And I am so sorry your Christmas has been messed up. You sound like you've had a tough time. Do come on the site at Christmas and we can say hi.

[Birdy77]

Dear Hanna,

It must have been lovely staying in your friend's house. Is it still hot out there? It's been so mild here (but v smoky).

Yesterday i went to the library and borrowed a bunch of books. I am determined to squeeze in the last few books to reach my goal of 50 books for the year. One of them is Kent Haruf's Benediction - i have only read Plainsong and Eventide of his. Beautiful writing.

Borrowed some dvds too, watching an abc series called The Code which is quite good.

Oh, i saw aldi has portable air conditioners on special this week, i thought of you, maybe you could check them out?

Pats for Sam 😊

🌻birdy

[smallwolf]

Hi. I have chatted with you in a few different threads over the weeks and found this one. My mother was originally from Armidale. I don't know what it is like now but places can change over time - some for the better and others worse. In my early year I moved a bit because of dad's work. The biggest move was leaving home to go to Uni. Everything changes. If there was one thing I wished I did differently it would have been to get more involved in things, but my personality (?) found that hard. Self conscious, sensitive, shy, introverted etc.

Why am I telling you this? Perhaps that I can relate to you a little. And that somehow you will fit in even though it might not feel that way at the moment

Tim

PS. How are you feeling at the moment? What are your neighbours like? Hobbies? interests?

[Hanna3]

Hi smallwolf, I used to stay with friends in Armidale every Christmas when I was in my 20's - they were what I'd called the "landed gentry"- they had a lot of money from wool and only mixed with other wealthy landowners. I doubt I would have broken in if I hadn't been friends with their daughter. Pretty town but cliquey - probably fine if you're born there.

I guess I'm finding a lot of the older people here still very cliquey - the younger ones are better. Mostly I'm just tired of being alone so much - the heat and smoke has been bad, and now everything closing over Xmas/New Year.

I'm introvert I need plenty of time alone but I do enjoy conversation with friends and going to a café etc. I feel sorry for my dog he's used to meeting lots of other dogs (he's definitely extravert) and we don't come across many on our walks in the park. Usually I find having a dog a good way to get chatting to people but not so much here.

I read a lot, trained at singing so used to sing with several choirs.. love music and i'm a movie buff so cinema is great. Not much happening this time of year so will be in and out of the café tomorrow!

[Hanna3]

Hi Birdy, good to hear from you! If you like Kent Haruf, have you tried anything by Marilynne Robinson (Gilead, Housekeeping) and there's a Canadian writer Mary Lawson who wrote Crow Lake and The Other Side of the Bridge which I really enjoyed if you like family sagas.

I've got an old friend who moved to Warwick in Queensland and she is sweltering there, we've been researching portable aircons but most of them don't seem to do much... and I have absolutely no money to afford one at the moment so I'm stuck. Am hoping the friend I have here will be going away again after Boxing Day and I can mind her house again - cool verandahs and aircon! Bliss!

Feeling lonely today and would love to go out to a café and just have a cuppa but the traffic is so busy, parking is dreadful and it's getting so hot, after taking Sam for a stroll in the park we're back home with the fan on. It's still very smoky here. Are you doing something nice for Christmas Birdy or having it alone like some of us here?

Good luck with the books and DVDs I've got in a whole supply too - can't cope with the library being closed for long!

[Birdy77]

Hi again Hanna,

Sorry you're feeling so lonely, it's an awful feeling. The heat and smoke are not helping are they, isolating you further at the moment 😔 it's good that you're connecting with people here on the forums during this time though.

I haven't read any Marilynne Robinson, but i just checked my library and the only novel of hers they have is Lila, so i will get that when the library reopens in the new year. I have requested Roads End by Mary Lawson after you told me about her last week. That's the only book if hers my library network has.

I hope you can use your friend's house again after Christmas, that will help you at least with the heat.

My partner and i were going to have to drive to a family thing tomorrow but we've cancelled because of the fires. I wasn't looking forward to it, so i am pleased we can stay home. We might go to the beach, depending on the weather. Sorry that will make you jealous 😔

I hope you can lose yourself in a good book or dvd, get some reprieve from the loneliness.

Thinking of you.

🌻birdy

[Hanna3]

Thanks Birdy yes between the smoke and the heat I've never been shut indoors so much. Worse that I just had a call from a friend where I used to live by the coast and she said it's quite cool there... sigh. The smoke has been so bad you have to drive with headlights on during the day, so it's been really nasty. Poor Sam is missing his long walks and the beach for sure... so am I. I don't know how to get emoji on this site? I'm using a laptop so I suppose I can't?

Yes I'm feeling really homesick.... going to a church service tonight mainly to be with some people... plus in country towns it's often a way of getting to know people.

What other books do you like? I know several authors I could recommend if you could give me some idea of books you've enjoyed. I didn't think Road Ends was Mary Lawson's best but the three books she wrote (she started writing late in life) are all good. Do you ever get books on Ebay second hand, or I also use World of Books Australia, I've found some great titles there for next to nothing if you don't mind used books. It's been a while since I read Lila - Robinson is a writer I really enjoy but if she's not your cup of tea that's fine, she doesn't suit everyone.

I'm missing being able to get outdoors more I think. The house is starting to feel more like a prison we're stuck inside for so long due to the heat etc with the curtains closed. On the coast we could go to a café by the beach and get a sea breeze, no such thing here. Unfortunately when I came here to look at the house it was snowing and I didn't realise the summers had changed and become so terribly hot - they were famous for mild summers here, apparently it's changed in the last few years. Nobody told me!

I have a friend who moved to a town in central queensland to be close to her son and granddaughter - she's discovered the same thing - there's nowhere to go to get a breeze! I guess it's something neither of us thought about. Oh dear.

I hope you have a nice Christmas although your plans have been changed. Always good to talk to you, if you can give me a coupe of titles you like to read I might have some idea if I know anything you'd enjoy.

Best wishes for tomorrow! Furry waves from Sam too.

[Birdy77]

Hi Hanna,

I hope you enjoy your evening tonight - it will probably feel good for you to be around some humans for a while.

I mentioned some books i have enjoyed this year in an early post to you eg. Heroes of the Frontier (Dave Eggers) etc. so i won't repeat those ones. I really enjoy Michael Cunningham's writing (love The Hours), How Green Was My Valley is an old fave as is The Catcher in the Rye ... i have just started Imagine Me Gone by Adam Haslett and I'm really enjoying that. Another i liked this year was The Orchardist by Amanda Coplin, Elizabeth is Missing by Emma Healey, The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen.

The smoke sounds terrible where you are, and unrelenting at the moment. Something just to endure i suppose until it is over. Not fun for you or Sam. It is actually drizzling here now and quite cool, i have a cardi on. Making you jealous again, sorry.

I hope you are able to have a nice day tomorrow as well. I plan to have a happy day at home anyway, will put on some music, have a glass of wine, some yummy food. I hope you can too. And i hope you have fun tonight.

🌻birdy