Moved to a new town and really alone

[Hanna3]

Hi, I'm in my early 60s and not well off, I recently made a big move to an inland town from the coast and am finding it cliquey and really hard to get to know anyone. I live alone with my dog who has separation anxiety so it is hard to leave him alone at home for long, which limits what I can do. I am really homesick for the easy-going lifestyle near the sea but thought a cooler climate would suit me better as I don't cope with heat well, but it's been really hot here and bad drought. I didn't expect such heat but everyone tells me it's got worse in the last couple of years and I don't have aircon, so am stuck inside the house alone a lot. I am in public housing so it's an old fibro place with no insulation.

I have friends who live a long way away but as soon as I mention to them I am feeling lonely they don't want to talk and I feel very let down, as one of them had a lot of family problems and I always let her talk a long time and tried to give her some support, now I need it there is none back. I've tried joining things like a choir and a book club but only met once before they finished for the Christmas/New Year and don't go back until February. Due to the dog's anxiety I try not to leave him alone during the day, we walk in the park a lot but you don't run into the same people often - this town is quite big, where I lived before was very small and you had a lot of acquaintances as you kept running into the same people.

Anyway I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I thought there would be more for me to do here than where I lived before but in fact it's worse, I have no family, and no friends to talk to. Hoping there is some support here as I feel lonely enough to curl up on the floor - I don't have the money to move back and anyway the wait for Housing would be years. Feel like I've made a huge mess of my life and my poor little dog seems depressed and lonely too. Thanks for any support.

[Hanna3]

Sorry if I missed the book titles you gave me earlier Birdy, I find navigating around a bit disorientating as it keeps throwing me back to the beginning of the forums years ago and I lose track of who/where the comments are!

OK I know some of those books so I'll look around my bookshelves and come back with some more suggestions you might want to try. Where I lived before two of my friends were retired librarians so we all had lots of books to swap to read! I'll come back later on with some suggestions. I hope you have a pleasant Christmas Day!

[Hanna3]

Hi Birdy, I have a heap of books I could recommend - not knowing exactly what you like (you seem to read quite diverse books which is great!) here are a few suggestions:

I'm currently reading Wolfe Island by Lucy Treloar - only part way through but it seems good - set in the future re climate change etc.

The Night Guest by Fiona McFarlane (Australian) (An elderly woman takes in a carer but is she safe?)

The Spare Room by Helen Garner (non fiction but very good when she takes in a sick friend)

We Need to talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver (amazing)

Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf (beautiful about two older people)

Miss Boston and Miss Hargreaves by Rachel Malik (an unconventional relationship between 2 women in WW2)

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (beautifully sympathetic to women in Islamic countries)

The Slap by Christos Tisiolkas (Australian) (What happens when someone slaps your child?)

The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry (a woman's relationship with her therapist in a psychiatric hospital - beautiful story)

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout (helps if you've seen the movie!)

The Winter Vault by Anne Michaels (failing relationship between husband and wife - wonderful).

Hope you can find something among these that might appeal. Good luck!

[Birdy77]

Dear Hanna,

Thank you so much for all those suggestions!!

Ok, i have read A Thousand Splendid Suns (loved it), The Slap (liked it and saw the tv series) and We need to talk about Kevin (liked it).

I really enjoyed watching the miniseries Olive Kitteridge, so i will look out for the book, will picture Frances McDormand the whole way through!

I have read a few Helen Garners but not The Spare Room, so will check it out and the others you listed. Thank you so much!

I know it's hard to see replies sometimes - i use my phone and sometimes just take a screenshot of the post i want to reply to. I did nit mean to rouse on you about not remembering the books i mentioned!! I am so sorry if it came actoss like that, I just didn't want to repeat myself and be a bore that's all!!

Meant to say also that i regularly buy from World of Books, a really good site and free postage!

I hope you have managed to get through the day relatively unscathed. My lartner and i had a very peaceful and relaxing day, binge watched the second season of The Code (ABC series) and that's it, apart from relaxing on the porch now with a bourbon in the cool breeze.

How are you and Sam feeling?

Ps, glad you're "loving" my jokes 😃

🌻birdy

[Hanna3]

Hi Birdy, glad to hear it's not just me that has problems finding a post that I want to reply to! Today was a pretty tough day I got very down. Better tonight watching The Bridge (Danish version of course not the American!) I haven't watched The Code is it good? If so I'll see if the library can get it in...

I thought you might have read some of those books! I can recommend plenty more anytime! Wallace Stegner is a fantastic American writer, look for one of his books called Remembering Laughter, a fictionalised account of he and his wife's friendship with another couple - it's a sweet book. Also Brooklyn by Colm Toibin, and Brother of the Famous Jack by Barbara Tropido (a coming of age book and absolutely georgeous). Thea Astley's A Descant for Gossips is a great read about a bullied girl at school - Thea Astley is a fantastic old Australian writer with a scathing sense of humour - one of my friends in Sydney worked with her. Also The Harp in the South by Ruth Park - a golden oldie and terrific.

Lately I keep coming across really good Canadian writers, so I'm looking for a blog from Canada that reviews local writers - haven't found a good one yet today... I get recommendations for some books from a couple of blogs, Lisa Hill (ANZ Lit blog) in Melbourne and Whispering Gums (near Canberra I think) both have great blogs that review Australian writers. I don't always agree with them but I do sometimes pick up a good tip for a book to read. Also dovegreyreader scribbles is a UK blogger who usually discusses British books but does talk about others and has an interesting site.

As you can see I can talk about books (and movies) forever....

Happy reading. Sounds like you've had a relaxing day. Great to talk with you!

[Hanna3]

Hi Maggie, I don't think I have seen the last reply from you I'm so sorry - I was wondering where you had gone to.... this site isn't always easy to navigate. I was amused about the sheep and magpie incidents although the magpie one doesn't sound so nice.

You say you don't have any friends back in the big smoke? I don't have any here, just a couple of aquaintances, so it's hard. How did you manage Christmas today? I was pretty down.

I do apologise for missing your reply. If you are still around do let me know and we can chat some more. Your house will sell eventually won't it? Or is real estate in the small town affected by anything? What do you work at?

I hope you managed to have a pleasant Christmas and I hope I hear back from you I am sorry your post somehow got missed by me. Best wishes!

[Hanna3]

Birdy, The Tie that Binds is another great Kent Haruf. I think I also recommended Our Souls at Night which is georgeous and written not long before he died. You'll be sorry you ever asked me about books!!!!