Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves.  I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician.  I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.  

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

[pipsy]

Dear seeker.  Believe me, I know exactly where you're coming from.  The only difference between your situation and mine is, the NPD in our family is my MIL.  Unfortunately, with your daughter, you may have to make the same painful decision I made.  You may have to 'walk away'.  I realize how hard it is when it's blood and you have a grandchild to consider.  If you are constantly 'biting' your tongue to stop from getting into an argument with your daughter, your grandson is going to pick up on the tension.  You say you sought help, in what way?  Going to a counsellor may help slightly, but if your daughter is the narcissist, she is the one with the actual problem.  I would try and keep in touch with your grandson, but not say anything concerning his mother.  His first loyalty is her.  Let him know you still love him and you'll always be there for him.  Let your daughter know you love her, but tell her (gently) that it might be better for you and her to be apart as you don't seem to be able to resolve problems.  Telling her that, removes any 'blame' from both of you.  This is not an unusual situation between mothers and daughters.  Maybe a phone call occasionally would be the best way of staying in touch without seeing each other.  That way neither of you are intruding on each other's toes.  When your husband visits your daughter, ask him to give her your love, so if she does respond negatively, he may understand what the problem is.  My MIL apparently still badmouths me even though I haven't had contact for over a year.  I actually ignore this (it's hard not to 'bite' back).  I just accept she is the way she is and leave it to him.  You may probably have to do the same.  If you are supportive to your husband having contact and he sees this, your daughters negative behaviour will open his eyes eventually.

Sorry I can't give you a better outcome.  Narcissism is a destructive nature and until the person admits to being that, there's not much anyone can do. 

[Pixie15]

Hi the seeker,

Welcome to the bb forums. I have read your post and I hope you do start a thread to get some support for yourself. It might help to read some of the other threads here. I think Chris B has given you some help with where to start to look. I think I know the thread you have been reading which has upset you. I personally think this thread is a little negative. I always think there is hope.

cheers,

Pixie.

[Jazzykazzy]

Hi everyone. I am new here. Last year I realised something wasn't right and I realised I had anxiety, which had become coupled with depression. I saw my GP and she put me on anti depressants. I took them, and I can't begin to describe the relief. All these negative'voices' in my head stopped. I stayed on the ADs for 8 months, then my life circumstances changed and I came off them with advice from my doctor. The withdrawal was horrid, but I thought I had conquered it and I had beaten anxiety.

Over the last month or so I have felt it creep in. I feel tired all the time, and I don't really know why that is the case. Today I just completely lost it again, and all the anxiety thoughts came back and just circle in my head. There is no up side, I feel like a failure, I am letting people down, my life is drifting, I don't know what I want, why don't I know what I want, I am pretending something is wrong, I am attention seeking, there is nothing wrong with me. It just goes on. 

I guess seeing this written down helps. I want to hear other people's stories, as somehow that will make me feel less alone.

[the_seeker]

Hi again Chris. Has anyone before me failed a get on the forum test? I posted earlier today and saw a reply from you, thanks. My problem is I cannot find the big grey button that is so obviously on the page  that is supporting family and friends.

Can you give direction for dummies. The seeker

[the_seeker]

Hi Pixie15. I may have not explained well. The feelings I have from reading the story are relief that someone understands my problem and I am not alone in my despair. Although overwhelming, it is reassurring too. I find it hard to explain. I cannot go for more help to a proffessional because I am confused by so much. I dont know if I created my daughter in this mould and the guilt is horrible.I also have defended myself so much, unsuccessfully that I don't know if I am really the problem.I am losing my mind. I believe deep down I have been a wonderfully, kind caring person and a very loving and devoted mother. my daughter has convinced so many people that I am crazy, to tell you the truth, I am not sure any more if she is so wrong. I am so tired of the dance that I just want to get of the merry go round.

[Wong]

hi all i am Sue live on a farm in the wheatbelt i dont get out much and have a lonely time. I  spend most of my time in bed asleep looking for someone to chat to most of the time.  I dontt have friends to drop in on me or come for coffee my husband is always to busy to sit and chat 

[Pixie15]

Hi the seeker,

I have difficult relationships as well and sought out the help of a clinical psychologist a couple of years ago. I did CBT which helped me bring my focus back on my own behavior. I know what it is like to doubt my own sanity. I also know what it feels like to realize the extent to which my kindness and loyalty have been exploited and the part I played in allowing this to happen. However I still prefer to try to find a path of healing and hope.

If you have a look at the Sane forum for carers you will find some helpful discussion as well.

cheers,

Pixie.

[JodieB]

Hi nice to be able to connect.  Have been in a caring role in regards to a schizophrenic son for nine years and I the last year have been caring for my husband with cancer.  Have been generally coping ok until lately and feel sad.  Depression runs in my family and my brother is suffering which is also affecting my mother who lives with him.  I know that generally diet, meditation etc help but we are only human and sometimes it all gets overwhelming. Take care all! Xx

[Sawyer]

Hi Jodie,

Welcome to the Beyondblue forums. It certainly sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Caring for a loved one with mental illness, particularly something severe as schizophrenia, can be very draining. Feel free to come and chat any time you need to take a break and have your needs and feelings listened to.

If you haven't seen yet, there are several forums that may be of help to you. Particularly there are specific forums for Carers so you can chat to people who understand what you are going through, as well as coping forums where you can read about others strategies of coping with depression, anxiety and the stressors that come from day to day life.

Firstly, there is no rush to convince yourself you have depression. You sound like you have a lot to deal with, and the fact that you are having a bit of low patch is extremely understandable. Sometimes I fear that our society encourages a bit of aggressive stance on labelling conditions, and this can have a negative, entrenching effect on the individual. Depression may run in your family, but that doesn't mean that you are also guaranteed to head down that path, you seem to be a very strong, resilient woman and you should be proud of that. While hardship often leads to mental illness in some people, there is evidence to suggest that hardship can lead to strength, resilience and positivity, in spite of hardship. It all depends on how you feel about yourself and how you conceptualise the problems you face.

At the end of the day, what is important, is that you are feeling run down at the moment, and there are a lot of ways that you can try to reverse this, a few of which you have already mentioned. I find meditation very helpful, as well as fine motor exercises like playing piano. For you this could be anything, anything that requires a lot of mental concentration and brings you joy. Try to take a moment out of your busy schedule every day to think about yourself, and what makes you happy. 

There are carer's services available to give you respite if you become overwhelmed and need a day to yourself and obviously we are always here if you need to vent.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Sawyer

[Hooot]

Hi

I have just joined the Beyond Blue Internet site.

The last week I have had to help my Brother who is going through what I believe is depression / anxiety. He does not sleep , has become very fearful of doing simple jobs and does not know why he feels the way he feels. I have taken him to the doctor , he has had blood tests , the doctor has prescribed sleeping tablets which did not seem to work , another trip to the doctor with him , he was given a depression /anxiety questionaire which found him to be midly depressed and with some fear. The doctor prescribed some anti depressent medication and I have booked him in to speak with a Psychologist. He has been taking the medication for the last 3 days . The first time I started to notice a difference , he was smiling , his face was more animated , he was starting to think of things he had to do , making lists in his head. I thought it was going good , but the last 2 days , even though he is taking the medication he still  has feelings of fear , does not want to do much . He seems to be up and down . The problem is he is a single dad , with a 6 year old daughter and he has fears that he can not cope . We have to guide him to do things that were easy for him . Once he is told he does it , but still has fears about doing it right . Eg , making breakfast , driving the car , going to doctor , taking his daughter to school .  

Problem is he does not read very well which would help me give him more positive information about how to deal with these issues . Is there any tipe of support , ie. face to face that I can use to help him as We as a family are doing what we can but would like some guidance , or someone who is not emotionally tied . 

Need Help , Please 1