Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

Chris_B · ‎01-07-2014

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves. I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician. I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

Snoman · ‎21-07-2014

Hi,

I have been reading many of the posts here with tears creeping into the back of my eyes. Some because I understand the pain, some because I can never imagine the horror, and some because of the care and support offered.

I consider myself to be luckier than most of the others posting here in that I don't have an awful history, and mostly because I am well on the road to recovery.

I remember when I was 10, I tried to take my own life. Fortunately I was too young to get it right (or wrong), and it also spooked me. I cannot recall my mental state at the time. I will never know.

However, in my mid 20's I definitely had an episode of depression. I struggled through it without help other than a friend who did not know at the time.

I have no idea when my latest episode started. In hindsight, I'm guessing late 2011, but possibly earlier. It crept up on me until it was quite severe.

Thankfully, my wife brought it up, and got me to see a GP. I have been on meds since, and have seen a wonderful psychologist.

The road of recovery has been slower and bumpier than I had hoped.

Today I can smile.

Today I can enjoy things.

And for the first time in a really long time,

Today I feel self confident.

Swansen · ‎22-07-2014

Hi.

I really don't know how I got here tbh.

I was once a manager for a car company here and due to circumstances I have no job and my partner resents this now since it has been a few years. I look for work but cant get any. My partner works full time for adelaide uni and we have a 10 year old son that I love more than anything but I feel useless. It's getting worse and the fights keep happening. I feel like a complete loser and the more my son tells me he loves me the more he asks why i don't have a job. It's causing issues with my partner (14 years) and I now sleep on the couch and have done for a few years. I act like everything is ok but it's not and it's not getting better. I am now drinking and everytime I get turned down for jobs below what I used to do It gets worse.

I'm sorry for the rant but I need to get it out. I feel pathetic and it's getting harder. My partners family now dislike me for being useless and the bills keep getting higher and i cant help. I cant get unemployment and if abbot gets his way the small amount she gets (which we use now for my sons private school fees) will be gone.

I just hate this and It seems I can't do anything to rectify it.

sorry again.

AGrace · ‎23-07-2014

Hi Swansen,

Welcome to Beyondblue. I used to be an Adelaide girl, however moved to Melbourne 5 years ago for work.

I hear stories of the detriment of unemployment quite frequently, and every time it strikes a chord in me. I get how you feel useless. It's tough not feeling like you're contributing and your self worth really takes a hit.

In terms of the employment situation have you tried just sending a generic resume and cover letter to various businesses even if they aren't advertising? Have you joined a recruitment agency? Is there something you could do to increase your skill set, a short course, some work experience, studies? Have you considered volunteering? This is rewarding and brings a sense of satisfaction, it helps you meet people, looks great on your resume, and might even get your foot in the door, as well as showing your wife you are seriously searching?

In regards to your relationship, it's understandable that there have been some arguments, however there comes a point where to salvage the relationship you need to re open the communication. I wonder what your wife's response would be if you read her what you've written here? Sleeping on the couch isn't really solving anything, and just puts an additional barrier between the two of you. Was this your wife's idea? It is definitely worthwhile speaking to your GP to get some extra support for the relationship and for your low mood. Perhaps the 2 of you could try some counselling?

Or at least you could get some therapy. A GP is able to put together a mental health plan which will give you 10 free sessions with a Psychologist, so you won't be out of pocket.

In terms of your finances are you actively contacting banks, brokers, and service providers, even if just to request an extension, or to set up a manageable payment plan?

I hope I've given you some food for thought, keep us posted.

AGrace

Beaches · ‎23-07-2014

Hello,

Beaches · ‎23-07-2014

Sending a hug right back to you

Struggler · ‎23-07-2014

Hi Swansen

AGrace has given some sound advice & I live in Adelaide too.

Unfortunately South Australia has never been developed like the west or eastern states. Surpassing Tasmania, SA has the highest unemployment rate in the country at the moment, a basket case.

I used to work interstate on FIFO in the resources industry and now retired at 59. My elder daughter had to relocate to Melbourne for work when her company in Adelaide shut down. My younger daughter works over 400km from Adelaide. There is just no work in Adelaide for us.

Have you thought about searching for work interstate & just move yourself there first, until you've settled in?

As to your daughter's private school, I'm not in favour of the private system. It is too expensive and there is no guarantee that children will become rocket scientists, doctors or

lawyers. It is the support from home that children need most. I sent my children to the local public school & they are now in professions of their choice. My elder one earns a six figure salary in Melbourne and she didn't even have go to private school for that.

Is it likely that your wife might lose her job as well? If that happens she'd have to do job search. She might begin to understand what you're going through though it's not a pleasant thought.

It is the present economy and you are not to blame. You are trying as hard as you can but there just aren't the jobs here in SA.

Struggler

Snoman · ‎24-07-2014

Hi Swansen,

I hear you on so many fronts - job hunting, relationships, in-laws and self esteem.

We moved from Brisbane to Melbourne hoping I would be able to find work as there is nothing in Brisbane in my line of work.

Applying for jobs over and over, and getting rejected or no feedback wears you down - very demoralising. Especially as you end up applying for jobs below what you did before and you still get turned down. Problem is everyone is doing that too, so there is just a glut of people applying for everything.

After I got made redundant late 2012, I applied for jobs for a while. Then it just dropped off. My wife was very frustrated as I didn't seem to be trying. Took some time for us to both realise something was wrong.

Depression robbed me of the ability to concentrate long enough to write a cover letter. I also lacked the self confidence and will to even try. With my recovery, I am now getting there. It has been a slow process.

As my wife pointed out, there were 3 in our relationship: her, me and my black dog. Recognising and acknowledging it was very important and helpful. Seeing me working on my recovery helped her too. There are links on this website to help those who care for someone with mental illness which helped my wife, as did lots of communication.

I know that sleep is a big part of my recovery. I don't see how you can be getting decent sleep on the couch.

I hope you go to see a GP, and talk to your partner.

You are not a loser. Remember when you were at the top of your game as a manager? Remember how you felt? Well you are the still that same person. From time to time, we all need some help. How would you see someone who needed some help? Time to see yourself the same way. This is your time for some help (I know that's easy for me to say and hard for you to do.)

Hang in there.

Stormgirl2012 · ‎24-07-2014

HI everyone.

New member but not new to Depression/Anxiety etc. Looking forward to sharing and receiving lots of information and support and maybe even make some new mates who are not going to be shallow and use me as a makeshift!

Misdem · ‎25-07-2014

Hi, glad to be here.

Female, 47, depression at various levels since 16. Huge respect for others who suffer mental illness in all its manifestations.

december17th · ‎27-07-2014

Hi there.

You do a wonderful job creating this community. Being able to talk to someone who understands means a lot, even if it can't change anything. Being able to talk to people I won't meet menas to me even more. I've read your stories and wish all the best to you. Life's a *****, none of you deserve what you get. I'd like to tell you one day my story, yet I feel uncomfortable talking about it, so todays not the day.

I live in 'my' state for years now, and though it's not easy, I've learned one great thing: nothing lasts forever. Whatever this is, it will end eventually. This thought helps me through, and I hope it'll help you too.

I'm not from Australia, but I hope you'll accept me here. And forgive any language mistakes, as I think about it now...