Lost and confused

[Alykat]

Hi all,

I am new here, unsure where to start, I have been through a lot but in the last 6 months I guess I have been feeling more lost than usual. I don't have a passion for anything and seem to just be plodding along in life instead of living. In Feb I lost my first pregnancy at only 6 weeks and hubby and I are still quite devastated. I am not even sure how to move passed that, I have lost all hope at getting pregnant again which is silly but after years of trying and other hurdles to jump, I was so happy to have it all over so quickly. My job no longer excites me and I wonder every day why I am here. With Covid19, it feels impossible to grow and have opportunities at other career pathways without some form of study which scares me. I honestly feel like I have given up on me, I am gaining weight and don't care about my appearance anymore. exactly how do I pull myself out of this whole and move towards a happier healthier life that is full of exciting and endless opportunity but still brings growth, development and stability? There are so many positives in my life, and I know that I have a lot of support but I just feel flat all the time. I don't know what the next step is.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, Alykat.

We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know that it is not an easy thing to do and you have shown a lot of strength in sharing your story. We're also really sorry to hear of the difficult past few months that you have been through. But please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. If you feel up to it, we'd recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 at the Beyond Blue Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service on 1800 512 348.

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[geoff]

Hello Alykat, to recognise the situation you are in, is half the battle, the other half is to get well.

I am terribly sorry for the loss and in what we are all having to cope with seems to make the loss even more painful, and yes it is for the two of you.

No one knows the future and perhaps it's better if we don't, but take a step back, the more relaxed you become the easier it could be to become pregnant again, your body needs to readjust itself.

Don't put any pressure on yourself or your hubby, try and put all the books away which you've probably read from cover to cover, have a relaxing and fun time with your husband, that's how my wife became pregnant.

Please let us know.

Geoff.

[Helen72]

Hi Alykat,

I went the IVF route and it is hard. You might be grieving the lost pregnancy - the job, study and other issues might stem from that.

Can you talk with anyone about it? I know it's hard - a 'friend' said to me "I don't know why everyone is congratulating me" and I said something to the effect of 'not everyone carries a pregnancy'.

Also you mention other hurdles to jump - it sounds like there has been a few things to deal with 😞

Be kind to yourself. Can you talk with Hubby?

Helen

[Alykat]

Thank you, yes Hubby is a great support I just feel like we have been having the same conversation, talking to others was my next step. It's hard in this environment the world is currently in to know if we can ever get back to normal, so I'm interested to hear other people's views. I have had a tough but rewarding past 5 years starting with Divorce, finding myself, putting myself first and then finding love, weddings and moving in again which I am grateful to find someone so loving, but after all these years of heartbreak and then hubby being diagnosed with some scary things, it was finally our turn. Hubby recently got the job of his dreams and is excelling, it so great to see him enjoying his work. I feel a little jealous I guess, this position I am in was never meant to be permanent, it was a stepping stone that has almost worked as a trap, I feel like it is a dead end, with no opportunity to use it to boost my career and very little help to move forward from any of the management team, I have a lot of skills but am being told to not use them. I think that this is blocking my pathways to pregnancy as well as it affects everything, I have no passion or hobbies and I feel work is sucking everything out of me its hard to stay positive which would be affecting my mental health making it harder to fall pregnant... the vicious cycle continues. The miscarriage really threw me, I wasn't prepared for that and I think that hasn't helped my mental health and the stuck feelings.

[lights_will_guide_you_hom]

Hello,

Thank you very much for sharing your feelings. You have had quite a lot of life whacks, so I can completely understand where these feelings of exhaustion are coming from.

I am really really sorry for your loss of pregnancy. It is a scary thing to happen to anyone. All I can say to you is that you definitely have my thoughts and prayers, and I would be very happy to keep talking to.

Our work is such an important part of our well-being, it can feel very damaging when we feel like our skills and talents are not appreciated in our work. I do hope things will go well for you in future and you will find fulfilment in your career.

If there is one thing I can understand about you is that you are an extremely strong and resilient person tp go through all of that and make it to the other side. Your strength and courage have not left you. I am optimistic that you will emerge stronger from this just as you did from other life whacks in the past five years.

Can I please encourage you to be a little kinder to yourself? It seems to me (I may be wrong) that you are feeling this pressure to heal very quickly because you feel like you owe this to your husband and other support you have. There is no "should" time-frame in healing. If you still feel flat after a lot of support encouragement, it is okay. You will heal in your own time. Promise. Just look at your last five years.

I hope I was of any help. Thanks for reading.

[Helen72]

Hi again Alykat,

Although it probably feels like it, there's no known link between mental health and pregnancy. So although your job seems like a dead end and management is not helping, hopefully there's no effect.

What can you do to start to work towards a more interesting job? Can you volunteer? Network? Learn? You say the current job was meant to be a stepping stone - keep with that thought 🙂 Where were you going to head next?

Helen

[Alykat]

Thank you, your words really struck a chord with me, your right I am resilient, I don't always give myself credit for it but I feel like I just keep getting flogged with crap and others around me seem to be getting what they want or unexpected things that make them happy. I have a lot of things to be grateful for and there are many people out there with a lot less. I often compare my life now as to 5 years ago and mentally I am stronger and happier but that doesn't take away the confusion around my life choices and in what direction to take at this cross road I feel I am in today.

In response to Helen, I already volunteer for my community in a large way, I am considering study but having difficulty choosing where to start and need to continue to work whilst I do that. This role was meant to be a stepping stone, that was its appeal, unfortunately that wasn't really the case once I was employed and have now been 'stuck' here for a number of years. I have applied for a variety of other roles as a side step to be able to reinvent myself but so far haven't been successful. I will keep trying though

[lights_will_guide_you_hom]

Hiii,

I hope you are doing a bit better now! It's okay to feel lost and confused. No matter what we overcome in the past, distress in the present will always leave us doubting. All we can do is to keep moving despite those doubts, you know?

I really hope sharing made you feel better.