Lonely

[Butterfly_Mumma]

Hi,

My family and I recently moved homes, I’m feeling extremely lonely.

It all started when my mum passed away 7 years ago, her loss effected me tremendously, I suffered depression and gained weight, two years ago something clicked in me and I decided to get my life back on track, I lost over 60kg and started feeling better about my self but then my dads dementia got really bad and unfortunately I lost him too last year, although losing him was hard it wasn’t as hard as my mothers loss ( my heart was already broken) my parents inheritance was such a beautiful gift from them and I decided to use it wisely and buy a bigger home for my family, I have four children and we desperately needed more space. I pulled all four of my children out of schools they absolutely loved so they can go to the local school and be part of the community and they have settled in well but me on the other hand not so well, I miss all my friends from the old school, the new school seem they all have there little groups already formed although they are pleasant and say hi every so often they are not inclusive, I find myself waiting at school pickups all alone and depressed, I can’t stop crying as I’ve always been one of those parents that knew everyone and had so many friends. I tried to join my youngest in a sport so he can get to know his friends better and I can get to know the parents but tonight I got an email saying that the team “might be” full and would my child mind being in a different team with some other kids that aren’t in his class, it triggered my loneliness even more and I feel gutted, I don’t want to tell my son as he has never done a sport and he was so looking forward to doing it with his new friends. I’m so worried that the loneliness I’m feeling will pull me back into a depression I fought so hard to pull myself out of after so many years.

[smallwolf]

Hi Butterfly Mumma,

welcome to beyond blue.

Moving... whether a short distance or a between states is a big thing - new people, new culture to get used to. And it takes time to settle in - sometimes too long for our liking. It does not ease the pain any as you try to fit into the new environment.

i also would like to acknowledge the strength you have in looking after the kids, in moving to the new place, overcoming your depression, and writing here.

And perhaps sometimes when we move to a new place we don't know about all the things around us - other sporting clubs, group meetings etc. For example, at the local library on a Sun morning they have a parents/kids reading thing which is more of social thing. My kids did aus-kick when they were much younger. (They tried out soccer also.) For my kids it was an opportunity to meet other kids, and the parents get involved also.

You might get other ideas looking for local groups on Facebook for yourself.

There maybe other options for your youngest sporting wise? Tell me a little more about what he likes.

I hope you don't mind me asking... Have you gotten over the death of your parents? Loneliness is one thing, loss is another. A lot has happened in your life recently; and if professional help is required that is OK.

I was going to ask you about your neighbours and other things, but went on a different tangent. Sorry. I am listening and if you want to chat some more, just reply and I will come back.

Tim

[Butterfly_Mumma]

Thanks for replying Tim, honestly I dont think I will ever get over the loss of losing both parents, specially with my mum as she was still young and it all happened so quickly, she had blood cancer and choose to die in the family home I grow up in, I was administering all her morphine and I’m not sure if I gave her enough or to much was she in pain and suffering in silence all those things play on my mind still. Moving homes was meant to be a fresh new start but instead I’m missing my old life, I love the new house, I’m happy we have moved but it’s the old community and friends I miss. My youngest doesn’t know what sport he likes as he has never played anything before as the older kids always had sporting teams they had been in for years and he just tagged along to the games, I think he just wanted to try footy to be with his new friends and to see if he liked it. I will defiantly check out some other community things around my area, but I think I was just expecting that parents at the school would just make me feel welcomed and that I’d be part of some sort of small group of parents, I have decided to start volunteering at the school maybe that’s a new avenue I can try to slot in some how.

[Guest_2496]

Hi there

I feel for you reading your posts and while I agree re the pain of losing your mum/parents, and friends I think just give it some more time to settle in to the new area.

Volunteering at the school is a great idea both for yourself and your son - seeing you around and you getting to know the teachers and other parents.

The sport team thing is disappointing but I just wonder if it’s a chance he’ll make even more new friends?

[Butterfly_Mumma]

Yes your right maybe I myself will even have the opportunity to meet new friends too with a different team. And like you said it does take time, I just feel a bit lost atm I think, but I have to start looking at things as new opportunities. Thanks for your reply 😊

[smallwolf]

Good on you for deciding to do some volunteering at school. I am hopeful you will be able to make connections with other parents, but this sort of work can be appreciated by the school itself. And the other parents might give you some other things to try out as well.

Can I ask how far away the old house is from the new one? And are you able to, or do you keep in contact with your old friends?