Lonely at 28- where’s my best friend ?

[Alicat92]

Hi,

i guess I feel pretty lonely, and it makes me super depressed, I dont know where to start to find and make new friends, and where do I find a best friend, I guess that’s what’s really missing from my life and iv tryed to fill that spot with drugs/ alcohol in the past, but it all comes back to wanting a special connection, not a romantic relationship or a partner but a best friend who I can talk to about anything and share my secrets! Someone to hold my hand and support me to try something new and daunting, to travel and gossip.

my life is together, I have an amazing supportive boyfriend, a few friends no one really close, job, ect but this one part of me is missing.

and it’s a large part.

does anyone else find this bringing them to tears at night or in the car or maybe when you have had a little to much time to think

i don’t know where she is or if she exists but I hope she finds me.

[CactusCookie]

Hello

I’m not sure what the answer is, but what you wrote struck a chord with me. Growing up, I had a very few, very intimate friends. As I get older, I’m occasionally really struck by the absence of that one person you share everything with. School seems to create a great environment for best friends because you live each day beside each other. I think sometimes because we’re still learning who we are, it’s easier to “find someone like me” as a kid. It’s so much harder as an adult to find and keep a best friend. People get specific about their values and interests and move away, and don’t have as much time to grow those special bonds.

I’m in awe of people with close friendships spanning decades. Sometimes other people fill the gaps for me in particular ways, but I think I feel where you are coming from in wanting for a best friend.

I hope you find an answer and someone special to share it with.

[uncut_gems]

Hi Alicat!

I think CactusCookie is absolutely right– adult friendships are much harder to form, especially without school as a kind of backdrop that forces physical proximity and constant shared experiences. While it's true that adult friendship poses some new challenges, anyone can form the kind of relationship you're describing at any age.

I think your post is so great because you show so much self-knowledge: taking stock of what you do have, and being clear about what you still feel is missing. That puts you miles ahead. At the end of your post you say "she" in regards to your hypothetical best friend, but also mention that you have some friends who aren't too close. May I ask if those friends are men? I'm a man myself but I have always found some truth to the stereotype that women have more intimate friendships, and for that reason have always had mostly girls/women as friends. The bond that you're describing sounds to me almost like a sisterly one.

I am confident that you will find who you are looking for so don't want to pile on too much advice, just to say that the sentiment in your post is beautiful and relatable.

Best,

Gems

[Alicat92]

Thanks for replying, had a small cry, not feeling great this week, convinced everyone I know hates me. ....I have always found to much easier to be friends with men, and it’s unconventional because I am very “girly”. I refer to finding “her” because, having a partner and being best friends with a male is very much seen as inappropriate and emotionally cheating, especially is these two people are in relationships. For example going on a holiday to Bali with your bestie and sharing a room and drinking and partying sounds totally innocent if ur both girls but a boy and girl who both have partners that’s “inappropriate” to most people.

[mocha delight]

Hi alicat92 I also find it hard to make friends, don’t have a best friend and I take ages to fall asleep to the point that I can never remember when I do it takes so long as it’s like my brain is in overdrive with thinking about all different kind of things.

[IsaJett]

Ok it sounds just like me ..I recently found a best friend that is always there for me .24/7..lol

corny as it may sound ...its “myself “. Unfortunately I have been so disappointed with the antics of friends that are supposed to be there for you . I am there when they need me but when I need them ..they are nowhere to be found .so I have to learn to be my own cheerleader and sometimes it simply isn’t viable to rely on others .so I rely on myself ...and it has worked for me. But don’t think about it as something missing .you have it all in yourself to be fulfilled ...you really do ...just tap inside of yourself and watch and feel the magic of you happen . I am foolproof that it works ...take it from me I have been in the dumps ...this inner magic empowers you like no other friend can .