Lonely and scared

[Lloydincanberra]

Hello Im 65 and due to have major surgery soon. Its a little risky for me. All my family is interstate and we dont talk a lot anyway. I have a 19 yo son here but he is living his own life and I really dont want to stress him. Hes a great guy and I love him dearly. I have extreme social anxiety so have no friends. I am just feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Would love to lnow how to overcome this loneliness.

[Croix]

Dear Lloydincanberra~

Welcome back, it has been quite some time since you were here before and I hope the years have been kind to you.

I'd like to wish you the best for your operation and realise how alone you must feel at the moment. Frankly if you do nothing you may well feel more alone. Sometimes difficult times can bring people together and you are certainly facing difficult times. So why not turn that to advantage?

You mentioned your son lives his own life and you do not want ot stress him, can I suggest that he is an adult (around 20 or so from your last post) and able ot handle stress. How would he feel if you were going into harm's way and he knoew nothing about it? To be excluded is not necessarily a pleasant thing.

Again wiht your family, I'm unclear why you are not in more contact but in these circumstances letting them know might change matters and you may be pleasantly surprised if one or more respond with care. Surly it is worth a try.

Can I suggest you be frank, and set out the seriousness of the matter and possible consequences, not try to minimize matters and 'be brave' . It is better they know about it exactly.

The elephant in the room, and here please forgive me for being direct, is if the surgery goes wrong  (admittedly a small possibility nowadays) and you do not make it. Apart from being alone how do you think others, especially your son would feel not having had the chance to be wiht you and lend you love and comfort when you most needed it?

You know you are welcome here anytime and if after the operation you feel like telling us how it went that would be very cheering

If you do not want to tell people face to face then I"d suggest email or letters.

Croix

[Lloydincanberra]

Hello Croix. Thank you very much for those words. I will talk to my son I am just cognisant of his owm medical condition (epilepsy with seizures triggered by stress and anxiety) but you are right, he desreves to know. As for my family, Maybe I will tell them. But thank you, it gives me a lot to think about. Bless

[Croix]

Dear Lloydincanberra~

I'm glad you have decided to tell your son. It sounds as if he has enough physical hassles without being excluded from his dad's major trouble. I guess if you have seen him have seizures before then you will know the safest place to tell him.

I do know you are reluctant to tell your family, and there may well be good reasons in the  past, however life has handed you an opportunity to make peace.

What do you have to lose? If they do not respond then nothing realy has changed except your suspicions may be confirmed. If they -or at least some- rally round then it's good for you (and probably your son too).

I've faced a medical situation that I though only gave me a short time left, and it is marvelous how my sense of priorities and what was important changed. Luckily I survived but that way of thinking has never entirely left me.

Croix

[Lloydincanberra]

Thank you Croix. Your words are comforting

[grazzie]

I share your anxiety about facing a major operation. All kinds of negative thoughts abound especially at night trying to sleep. I have a morbid fear off general anesthesia and try to avoid going under if at all possible. I gather you don't have a choice. The worst is the surgeon and anesthetist will be negative trying to cover themselves if something goes wrong. Make sure they'll medicate you before you go to the op room. Some doctors and hospitals don't like doing this for some reason but it's your body and you can insist on something to ease the pre-op jitters.

When I've had to face your situation, I create a safe and beautiful haven in my mind so when the black thoughts come and you feel overwhelmed, I conjure up this place to calm myself. 

I understand your reluctance to contact your son, but it's worth trying. He may surprise you. I've got a youngster who's 52 now and it been a very boisterous relationship but I love him very much. 

Can you tell me when the operation is due? I'd like to keep chatting.