Just looking to someone to support and talk

[SabbySal]

After a devastating last 10 years, coming from a horrible psychological abusive relationship, raising 2 kids on my own to starting a new relationship, then my hero and father became extremely ill and passed away, I've been through 3 different jobs after being workplace bullied, now dealing with my beautiful younger brother struggle with ice addiction and i am in a ridiculously amount of debt. I consistently feel I am trying to crawl out of a never ending black hole of life and its shit. I now refuse to get close to anyone and be social because I am ashamed of my constant sadness and anxiety, I work 5 days a week and still cant pay the bills and feel that mothers guilt by not being able to provide what all their friends have. How do I get out of this consuming feeling, how can I better deal with life and all it constantly throws at me. 😢

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Sal

Welcome to bb.

Darkness is the absence of light, but if I can still see my hand before my face, then I know it's not completely hopeless. There is light somewhere.

Sometimes we live in a world overshadowed by trees, building, debts, pain, suffering, and problems of others forced upon us. But, if I can see my hand before my face, then there is still hope for a better tomorrow.

I triage all that stuff and happenings out there that comes into my world. That which I can change, or affect change, or influence to change, those are the things that I choose to spend my time with. That which I cannot, I do not worry about, I just learn to accept or at least tolerate it.

For years my DH neighbor complained about everything we did. But I would still pick up the trash from his yard (even though it wasn't mine), I would take in his bins after the garbo's collected it (and he'd complain it; said I had no right). But when I took ill, I spied him taking my bins to the curb the night before and bringing them back in. (if ever you would ask him about it, he will deny he did that. But I know I influenced a small change in him)

I used to be all consumed by the darkness, the cynic seeing only the problems in this world. But after being on BB for a spell, I learnt to celebrate the little joys in life and forgive the sadnesses. And, in time, I found that people started "like" to be around me, because I gave off an aura of happiness.

We cannot control what happens to us in our lives, we can only control how we react to it. I can see my hand before my face. So I have hope. And I celebrate that hope. And I smile. And people smile back. So I feel happy.

Best wishes

SB

[kanga_brumby]

Hi SabbySal I'm not that far behind you in head space I lost my partner. Due to cancer. I have had a hole lot of abuse ever since primary school. Single parent hard to meet the bills. With other parents forming opinions about me without talking to me. Only with each other have fought the good fight for both my children. I'm in it for them As you should be its a harder fight when you have depression I know so please keep up the fight for your children please.

Kanga

[geoff]

hello SabbySal, you have been through a terrific experience in life, none that anybody would ever wish upon anybody else, and I am so deeply sorry for being in an abusive r/ship.
Your brother hooked on ice will only drain you of funds and unless you try and distance yourself from him then you will be financially struggling.
His substance abuse is never going to help him, it will only take him deeper and deeper into addiction, however I know how a drug addict behaves when they need a fix, it's not a pleasant sight and what they will do whatever they can so that they can have that need fix.
I'm pleased you have contacted us because you're caught in a situation that doesn't seem as though you can get out of, please let us try and help you and hope that you can get back to us, and I know it's been a couple of days but please have the encourage to reply to us. Geoff.