Just feeling empty and lost.

[ifeelnothing]

Hi, I guess I am here seeking some sort of advice. I am stuck in a bit of a rut.

I am currently in my final year of school and as dramatic as it sounds everything seems to be going downhill. I can't explain it very well- I just feel so lifeless and numb yet weighed down with what is like sadness but it isn't. I no longer find myself enjoying anything and I have recently been getting into the problem of skipping school. I struggle to go through a full week of school. Nothing bad is even happening to me- I just feel completely dead inside when I wake up. My life is pretty fine, I don't really have anything specifically terrible happening to me.

I suppose I am also a bit lonely because my friendships have been dropping off, but that is my fault for not being social in all honesty. I recently started talking to some people online and I worry I am becoming too attached because of how dull my real life/relationships are but I have made a close friend who makes me actually laugh. In real life I am only really talkative and myself with my best friend because I am rather shy, so when I talk to others I tend to be quiet and feel regretful for not speaking afterwards.

Everything is just a mess to be truthful. I don't have a sense of direction, I can't find enjoyment in life and it is just lonely and dull. How can I enjoy life? I have tried various activities before and I used to really enjoy horse riding but stopped this year because as with everything else, I'm just not happy. I'm not even terribly sad, I just have a heavy feeling. In fact, I often joke and laugh when I am around others I am comfortable with, I don't even know if I am depressed or anything. I mean I know I show some of the symptoms e.g. loosing interest but I don't like to claim I have depression because I am not exactly sad, just empty. And I have no reason either. I cannot talk to anyone in real life about my emotions. I have this problem where I tend to burst into tears whenever I talk about how I feel. I am not sure why, perhaps it is embarrassment.

Sorry about the way I am spitting it all out- I am just trying to give you an insight into my strange mind. All I want to do at the moment is lay in bed and listen to depressing music and sink into the ground (stereotypical teenager much).

What makes it difficult is at the same time I want to go out and do things and lead an interesting life. I plan on a gap year of travel. The problem is, I can't find any enjoyment or way to go and live my life.

[Croix]

Dear Ifeelnothing~

I'm glad you came here to the Forum, that way you get to see what has happened to others. Being a teenage is pretty difficult at the best of times, and it is very hard for you to know if what you are feeling is OK and should be put up with, or if it needs fixing.

I don't think your mind is strange at all. I do think you need some help to make life better. Feeling lifeless and numb, not going in to school (or work), not enjoying things you did before, and bursting in to tears when you think about your state plus retreating from people are all pretty good signs that something needs to be done.

I remember final year at school tended to put on a lot of pressure, and if things seem to be going badly in any area of your life then it tends to snowball as just the fact things are going wrong itself makes for more pressure and worry. Was there anything particularly worrying at the moment?

You don't need to have anything really 'bad' in life for this to happen. sometimes it just does.

So what can you do? I guess the first thing is to let someone else know. You have made an excellent start here and as you see are being taken seriously and met with care and understanding. Do you think you could explain matters to one of your parents and get them to take you to the doctor to see if you are suffering any particular illness such as depression or anxiety?

Most parents really want the best for their children and once they understand will try hard to make things better. If you don't think that is going to work you could talk to a teacher you like or a school councilor or phone a place like Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800). They are pretty familiar with what can go wrong and how to set things right.

I don't think there is anything wrong with on-line friends, though as you suspect yourself there really should be some sort of balance. It can be pretty easy to retreat into the bedroom and talk to anonymous people elsewhere in the world, but it gets to be so easy you don't want to interact with real people, which would be a great pity. You do have friends, even if you have been a bit quiet wiht them lately.

Those plans for the gap year sound realy good, and I'm sure they can happen. Most problems like you describe end up being fixed pretty quickly and life gets better

Croix