It's been going on for longer than I want

[XC]

Hi new here have been having issues with depression for years but seem not able to make my life change so here I am tired drugs legal & just felt removed from myself now I am waking with thoughts not all ways but a lot . The help is a problem for me as I have no idea how to get it & feel that it's to hard to resolve as I have no issues talking to a strange about problems but that's all it is talk & all I seem to do is talk but I feel not relief from it ,
How do you cope with loss of life in friends & getting back into life I've got to a place where I live by myself with no connection to family & feel like I have no freinds .
Age is a factor + money & work but I really struggle to find a connection with anyone as if I do I feel that it to much

[Peppermintbach]

Hi XC,

Your words moved me deeply. I felt a sense of loneliness, disconnect, sadness & longing in your writing...

I think most of us humans crave meaningful connections. Not just any random connection, but a meaningful one...I feel if there’s a connection, but it’s not a personally meaningful one, it can feel empty or even draining...a little like wanting friends but not necessarily just “any” friend...

I wonder, is it okay if I ask about what type of connection are you looking for?

The reason that I ask is I think it helps to identify what needs we are trying to fill through our connections, so we can then search for the right type e.g. is it to share a laugh? Common interests? A really deep connection? Something else?

For example, I prefer a degree of depth in all my friendships. I like to get to know the different layers of a person, so I tend not to necessarily choose friends based on 1 or 2 common interests if that makes sense... reciprocity is important to me as well.

Sorry, I’m not sure if I’m making much sense. But I wanted to reach out because I think meaningful connections are so important in life...

Kindness & care,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Dear XC

Hello and welcome to the forum. This forum was set up to help anyone struggling with mental health issues and I am very happy you have posted here. I agree with Pepper on the sadness in your life. That comes across very strongly.

I notice many people say there is nothing much wrong with them, that others are worse of etc. I believe if you having the thoughts and emotions you describe it is not nothing. It shows how human you are wanting meaningful connections in your life. I think many of us are going through a similar experience with the lock down conditions. Phone calls are good but no real substitute for face to face interactions. I have found myself shopping just to be in the company of others. Not the smartest of things to do.

I gather you have tried therapy of some sort. May I ask what sort of counselling? Psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor, GP? I have had some tremendous help from my GP. I know some antidepressants (AD) can make you feel weird or have other side effects. I tried many of them without success. They seemed not to do anything but also caused all sorts of uncomfortable side effects. In the end, after several years, my GP took me off SSRIs which is the group of AD mostly used, and put me on one from the TCA group. Amazing. No side effects and a real sense of being myself but somewhat calmer.

I see you note age is a factor in your life plus work and money. May I ask if you have retired? I retired 12 years ago. Like many people I found myself busier than when I went to work. Ridiculous but I think it shows how much we enjoy the activities we choose for ourselves and helping others. Have you ever tried volunteer work? It can be deeply satisfying and also puts you in contact with those who have similar interests as you. If you are interested in this perhaps w can chat about it.

I look forward to reading your next post.

Mary