I'm worried about my friend.

[BindiLee]

Hello.

I'm completely fine, but it's my friend that I'm worried about.

I'm twelve years old, and my friends are the same age as me. Last week, I noticed that one of them had been self harming herself on the left arm.

When I talked to her about it, she said she wasn't comfortable and refused to get help.

Her parents are also on the verge of divorcing which is putting a lot of stress on her, and she harms herself to punish herself.

Even though I told her to talk to her closest friend (who also self-harms but is getting therapy) about it, I don't think she will.

To add to that, one of our friends is annoyed at her because she wants to be depressed and self-harming to look 'cool' but my self-harming friend is actually needs help, and that friend tells herself that my self-harming friend is a show-off and talks behind her back, which my self-harming friend found screenshots of.

Our entire friend group has choir, and because of School Spectacular lunchtime rehearsals she's been alone at lunch often.

She's under a lot of stress and she keeps harming herself, and I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to get help and I don't know how to help her.

[Sophie_M]

Hi BindiLee

Thank you for posting on the forum tonight. What a brave step to make!

We're so sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with your friend and her struggles with her mental health state. It sounds very distressing and we can hear how much you just want to help her.

Have you got anyone (trusted adult) at school or at home that you can trust to talk to? We'd really encourage you to speak with your favourite teacher, or even your school counsellor/wellbeing team about this if you possibly can? This is a really serious matter, and you shouldn't go through this alone, or feel responsible for keeping this to yourself.

Also, please consider getting in touch with us, or even Kids HelpLine for some counselling support - you can get in touch  about whatever is troubling you, no matter how big or small the issue feels. 

To call us, contact 1300 22 4636
To use webchat, Click Here 
To contact Kids Helpline click here or call 1800 55 1800

Kids Helpline (and BB) are available 24/7. All calls and chats are one-on-one with a trained mental health professional, free and completely confidential.

As well as being here for you, we would also love to suggest that you let your friend know we are here for her also. Perhaps being able to reach out to us or Kids Helpline via the online chat service/s.

We also have a webpage dedicated to supporting someone who is experiencing depression , anxiety and/or even suicidal feelings, with links, articles and resources that may be helpful for you here . 

You are so brave, and such a good friend - we're really proud of you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Mark Z.]

Hi BindiLee,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for your friend, but she's so lucky to have you. You're so caring.

I totally agree with you that your friend actually needs help. Even on the verge of divorcing, it is still her parents' responsibility to take good care of her, which means that her parents should be fully aware of her situation. So I'd suggest you to report this to your teacher or school office, so that the school can engage her parents. But before doing that, as I'm not a professional, I encourage you to give Beyondblue hotline a call to have more professional or more detailed suggestions.

Hope everything will be fine with your friend. 

Mark

[Summer Rose]

Hi BindiLee

I think you’re an amazing young person, brave, resourceful and very caring. Your friend is lucky to have you. 
You’ve already received some great suggestions to find help for your friend, so I won’t repeat. But I would like to suggest that you consider sharing what’s happening with your mum or dad (or your closest loved care giver). This is because I think it could really help you to have some support as you work your way through this issue. 

I know that this situation is hard for you. My daughter struggled with similar issues when she was your age. It can be really hard to be “the only one who knows” and carry the worry and concern alone. Talking with people who love and care for you, will help to ensure that you come out of this okay.
You don’t have to do this alone, there are many adults in place (teachers, parents, etc) who have a responsibility to take the load. This approach will free you up to be a good friend—something you are already doing really well— with you being properly supported to deal with your own feelings.

Kind thoughts to you 

[jaz28]

Hi BindiLee,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out to your friend and showing that you care. That can mean more to her than she shows to you. You have done all that you can, just keep checking in with her, if she does not want to get help that is her choice. However, if at any point her behaviours become life-threatening, it would be wise to contact her parents or the authorities. It might be wise to share this with your parents so you do not have to carry this load around with you and that someone mature is aware. As for your other friend, that is utterly immature and invalidating, because self-harm is a real sign that someone is hurting mentally - why would you want that, how is that "cool"? Your friend clearly does not understand. I hope she gains insight as she gets older, but try to educate her that it is serious. The resources Sophie_M suggested are a good place to start as well.

I hope you find a solution,

Jaz xx

[anonymous_username]

Hi BindiLee,

I am in a similar situation to you. I am also 12 and two of my friends are also self harming. 

I think that the best way to help is just to be there for her, even if she doesn’t want to talk. If you are the only one who knows this can be a stressful situation, but if you know that someone else knows then I suggest talking to them about this so that your mental health doesn’t go down. It is definitely important for your friend to get better, but it’s also important that you don’t get worse so try and take care of yourself.

You said that she didn’t feel comfortable and refused help. It’s probably a good idea not to push it, but you should definitely ask her about it often so she knows for sure you’re here for her and not like your other friend who is annoyed about it. It’s important to listen to her and understand her, and if she still doesn’t feel like talking maybe just sit with her for comfort. Maybe suggest coming on here or another platform like kids helpline so she can at least talk anonymously to someone. I know that this really helped me.

You did the right thing by asking for help, and I hope the situation gets better.

From

Abi<3

[Healing heart]

Hi there,

I am replying and sorry to hear about your friend.

Can you speak to an adult? This is a heavy burden for you. 

Have you thought about calling Kidhelpline in your area or reaching out to someone. 

It is a difficult situation for your friend and yourself. 

Please reach out

Please keep posting.