I'm a gestalt!

[Jay-Kay]

Hi people. I just joined and chose the title of thread as am just starting gestalt therapy this week, seeking to heal the pain of childhood and adult traumas and CPTSD. gestalt literally means

"an organized whole that is perceived as more than the sum of its parts."

I do NOT  feel organised - quite the opposite (kinda of messed up right now) but I do sense there is a wholeness in me, somewhere, under all the frozen layers of fear and pain and - aaagggh. I am recently identifying my life-long cycles of depression ad breakdown as in fact, rooted in CPTSD: this insight is a great realisation. what do I want? a safe space where I can check in between therapy sessions (it's going to be intense as I have 50 of tough experiences to deal with) and community, as I am currently quite isolated, living in an area here it's difficult to get places and having isolated myself, also.

ok, well I will go and say hi to another new person, and I look forward to interacting here......

[Jacko777]

Hi Jay-Kay,

All the best for your sessions JK, no doubt it will be challenging and I hope you can take time out in between stuff to give your self love and thanks for going on this journey. Under those 'layers of fear and pain' is a beautiful spirit and it will always be there, you are going to pull back the curtains of the mind and reveal your true self, completely whole and completely...love, unconditional love.

I had many realisations in my recovery, the light is switched on and it stays on.

I really look forward to hearing about your sessions and you know it's safe here.

Jack

[Jay-Kay]

thank you Jack, what a wonderful and warm reply. well I start tomorrow..... and yes, the goal is wholeness and feeling like I am just ok with being me on this planet....  wish you the same. keep that light glowing!  JK

[Doolhof]

Hi Jay-Kay,

Thanks for sharing your message with us all. I have not heard of gestalt nor CPTSD before, so thanks for enlightening me! (If you don't mind sharing, what is CPTSD?)

Like Jack has mentioned, Beyond Blue is a very safe and welcoming place to share, vent,  interact, receive help and to offer advice and suggestions to others.

Everyone here has been on some kind of a journey!

I will be interested to find out how you get on with your sessions. It may be tough for you at first, hopefully you can hang in there and make changes in your life.

Recently I started to see a new psychologist, she has a different style and way of approaching my issues, so I am looking forward to expanding my horizons and looking into different ways to cope with stuff that life chucks up at me now and then.

Looking forward to hearing more of your journey. I am sure a lot of us can relate to childhood issues. The thing is what we do with those memories and experiences!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Bluey_moon]

Hi Jay-Kay,

Hi and Welcome! 

How did your first session go? 

I bet it was very full on!!

best of luck with your therapy, I hope you can keep us posted on your progress! 

Hugs

[Jay-Kay]

Thank you all - I will re-read your replies later but can hardly take anything in right now. I had my first session yesterday, we did not do gestalt, instead she decide for the time being better to do some EMDR

felt like not much happened and I almost felt like I was faking it - but maybe something happened because today I am in a terrible state. terrible. hardly functioning, can't eat and curled up in bed crying

god I know therapy sometimes brings stuff up - but she was trying to instal some good resources so I would cope more - instead I am worse. really bad. don't know what to think.  

sorry (not saying emdr can't be useful for some but - maybe it's not for me? or it is? where is the relief?

[Starwolf]

Hi Jay-Kay,

Your choice of profile photo made me smile as it brings back a few memories. An interesting choice...

Kali is one of the most feral energies in the Hindu pantheon. She's a formidable warrior but when she gets going, she has a tendency to get of of control. It usually takes quite a few other deities to team up and calm her down. Hindu imagery often represents her sitting astride Shiva's prone body, proving she has the power to subdue the Lord of the yogis, the calm and serene destroyer. Interestingly enough, she is one of the only Hindu gods who doesn't need an animal sidekick...her fangs and claws make her self-sufficient. The Carnivorous One drinks her victims' blood and turns her opponents' skulls into necklaces. Fascinating symbolism !

This choice makes me think that you have your Kali moments (had lots of them myself so we're on familiar ground here !) and a lot of destructive/creative power to get the job done. You also know/sense that there's no creation without destruction. In other words, the apple must fall to the ground and rot before a new sapling can sprout up. You are no doubt aware that her energy can also do away with your peace of mind...

Hang in there Jay-Kay, see how it goes. Sometimes the best way out of the abyss is via the bottom. How about contacting your therapist ASAP to discuss the effects that session had on you ? Perhaps she can explain what is happening (she should) and all is well, though it doesn't feel this way. Her response should guide you as to what you can do next.

Hope you'll soon feel stable enough to post here again and let us know how you're traveling. Om shantih !