How do I carry on?

[Guest_19365475]

Hi there my name is Jon,

I am a divorced, single Father to 2 beautiful children.

I have zero family support and little contact with my family back home. 

I have had a horrible couple of months getting over my past relationship which im still grieving along with my workplace which has changed a lot recently.

I am studying a Diploma of Counselling and go to the gym for studio classes regularly.

I feel very lonely and give myself minimal downtime, only when the kids are with me.

I often feel it would be better if I left the world so others around do not have to feel like they have to be careful around me as I am very quiet and I really have no enjoyment in anything.

I'm also wary that I appear depressed around others especially my kids so I try to mask my true feelings. 

I feel worthless and take no enjoyment in this life, my happy go lucky personality has gone due to realising my income is low and I have lost an incredible lady who I will always love.

I have been to see a counsellor earlier this year and I am almost a third of the way through my Diploma. 

Thank you for reading.  

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

In some ways you mirror my situation in 1996, 2 kids 7 and 4yo, through abuse I was forced to leave the family home. I remained the best father a part time dad could be and survived an attempt on my life.

I moved my 10 foot caravan into a caravan park and had my kids every second weekend. I walked a lot and after 8 weeks of grief walked past a real estate window and spotted one acre of land going for auction. I had no money but a $3000 limit on a card and used that to secure a loan for a further $9,000 max. I got the deal. So everything changed from then onwards- clearing the land in my spare time and building a kit home.

The message is that being busy no matter the activity, keep you sane and distracted. Non activity you'll dwell and continually believe you still love someone because your emotions are still on that person. The challenge to change your own thought processes in order to "take care of yourself" is extraordinary. Focussing on your childrens needs now and in the future is a good distraction, be logic and practical. Eg I had 2 daughters- who will walk them down the aisle if I dont make it in 20 years time? As my ldest grew up I told her of my attempt way back then and my dedication to her and as I did walk het down the aisle she whispered- "thanks dad for making it here". She knew! She identified with my struggles.

So these things you can dedicate yourself to and that allows you to focus on what is important and be distracted from "what could have been". Other activities you are the better judge but mens sheds, movies, friends, rotary and lions clubs or a special interest. I developed an interesting one- I had a spare room in my kit home and had a huge jigsaw puzzle. When grieving for my ex or family situation I'd go and do 20 pieces. By the end of that my mind was distracted. Then I'd choose to not go there! to my emotions.

Finally, raise your own confidence- tell yourself you are as important as your kids mother, just as equal and vitally valuable.... because you are, they rely on you, they love you.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/the-grief-of-separation/td-p/6357...

The above links could be valuable for you. Just read the first post of each. Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Worriedmum]

Have you tried writing down things that give you enjoyment? Or used to. When you are feeling like things are getting on top of you have a look at the list and choose something to focus on. Small wins.