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How can I communicate without saying the wrong thing.

Basha
Community Member

Hi I'm new to this and would like some guidance to support a dear friend.

My friend is an old Royal Aust Navy mate who lives in a suburb of Perth.I live in Melbourne.face to face isn't possible.

I have just hung up from him on the phone and feel that I need to support him more than I do. The conversation went - I am going backwards.I don't have the motivation to get out of bed of a morning (My wife has told my GP I would sleep all day if left).I find it difficult to plan and make simple decisions. My GP has upped my Meds.

His problem isn't new to me as we have had previous discussions.

once sent him a blank bound book and said when ever you feel down just reflect on the good times and write them down.

When we talk we are always talking about 'the good ol days' of our time in the service.

ny advice would be appreciated - Basha

3 Replies 3

Soberlicious96
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

HI Basha.

My suggestion to you, would be to recommend to your friend to get some professional help from a counselor or some sort of mental health support worker. A GP is great at helping with medical issues, and can certainly prescribe medications for depression etc, but sometimes it helps to get that extra help for the mind, as well as the body.

Maybe you could even suggest that a local support group in his area may be helpful? That way he can connect with others face to face, in an environment where people understand and can support him in the ways that he needs. You mentioned that you were both 'in the service' ..... I'm not sure what that means exactly, but if it does mean that you both engaged in some sort of service such as army, for example, and it could mean that traumatic things happened, then maybe some sort of therapy to help deal with/manage PTSD (if that's the case) could really help. Of course, I'm only guessing here.

Getting your friend to reflect on the good times may be okay, but sometimes we need validation, and just to be heard, for the times when we are not feeling so grateful. Sometimes the sadness can be like being stuck in a forest; in that you gotta go all the way through before you can come out the other side. In other words, he may need some sort of 'permission' to feel the sadness, before he can move onto 'the goods times' .... if that makes sense.

Obviously though, I am not a mental health professional, and therefore everything I'm saying could well be wrong. I do hope that is not the case though.

And of course, you could tell about Beyond Blue, which is available to him 24/7. It too may not be face-to-face, but at least it is somewhere else he can turn to, as well as yourself.

I do hope that at least helps a little. Take care. Let us know how you go. xo

Thankyou for your reply.Yes we both seved for 20 years in the Navy.I know that he has seen professionals regards his problem.I was more looking at leads for none face to face 'Conversation' so as not to say what could be termed as the wrong thing.

Soberlicious96
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Basha,

May I suggest you try one of the following two links:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-others/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-depression

And this one:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-others/accidental-counselling-when-someone-confides-in-you

Hope that helps a little more. Sorry I didn't think of that earlier. Take care. Let me know if that was what you were looking for. xo