Hi

[no_name]

I'm not right. I've been depressed and anxious for as long as I can remember. I seem to have two voices in my head. One is constantly screaming out, saying it's struggling. The other keeps saying, don't be a pussy and stick it out; be a man. I actually feel guilty about all of this. Even typing this right now I want to punch myself in the face. I regularly punch myself in the head (that sounds really stupid; I digress). I seem to self loathe more and more. I don't enjoy anything. Sometimes, I don't know if I genuinely hate myself or if I'm a narcissist. I'm not who I want to be. I've got a beautiful daughter, and a beautiful wife. On paper, I've got a good job (although I hate it and find it soul destroying). Fact of the matter is, I find everything soul destroying. Everything is a damn struggle. I feel like I'm drowning. I grew up with a really abusive dad, but I don't think I should blame everything on this. I feel like that's a cop out. I need help though, because I've failed at helping myself. I don't even feel I deserve the help. I don't know. Reading over this I sound like a crazy person.

[sawara]

you are what you think of your self so love your self and believe me you are a lovable person this is what i felt after reading your post nature and almighty loves you so much and you are blessed with a happy family i would suggest do some thing for others who are in need that will definitely gonna work for you to gain self respect and calmness. you know what yesterday i spend some time with people i donot know n that was the wonderful experience because as our body needs food likewise our soul needs peace to being live.Being social and being human is the key to keep your soul alive go out with your family to some orphanage or old age home some day and see the difference look at yourself in mirror and say yes i am the best father best husband in this world and try to do so help your wife in kitchen some day .

[sawara]

hhii

[Hol-j]

Firstly, good on you for taking the step to do something positive by joining this forum and putting yourself out there. I am new to this online stuff, but what you said about having those two voices really resonates with me. I got to the point where I have had to take time off of work and there isn't a day goes by that my inner voice pipes up and tells me to harden up and stop being lazy. I too have a gorgeous son and husband and a seemingly perfect life, but still I suffer with major depression and anxiety. What you are saying doesn't sound in the least bit crazy to me....well no crazier than I am anyway hahahaha. Something helpful that my therapist told me which calms the voices is to ask myself if I would say that to my son, because if you wouldn't say it to those you love the most, you shouldn't say it to yourself either. So now when I am battling the negative inner monologue, I try to imagine my little boy going through depression and what I would say to him. Kind of helps...

Thanks so much for your post. It is a comfort to me to know there's others who have similar struggles. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be afraid to seek help and talk to your GP about it

[DarkSecrets]

Hi no_name thank you for sharing your thoughts with us it's a very big step for most so good job!

Dont let your own feelings put you down, like you said you've got a beautiful daughter and a beautiful wife, and they love you very much! So that's atleast 2 reasons not to hate yourself 🙂 You may feel like you do not enjoy anything but there must be something, you simply haven't discovered it yet! Your family can be really supportive about the times you are going through, you can always turn to them 🙂 Please don't say you feel like you deserve help, because you honestly do. Everyone does. If you are distressed try other methods which avoid you harming yourself in some way. Like I said before, your family loves you! Try to spend time with your wife and see how that helps, even your daughter can cheer you up! If you are still feeling down I suggest seeing a psychologist or councillor as they can help you with the things you are feeling, and some can even be free!

I apologise for the things you are going through, they must be really heart breaking but you have so much to live for and can be capable of so much!

I wish you the best 🙂

-Celestia