Hi there

[Podlife73]

Hi there,

I’m Jason, I’m a 45 year old, I’m a bit lost, lost my job and marriage about 4 years ago, I’m currently back at Uni training into a new field, I met a person who is as damaged or more damaged than me and being rejected by her hurts, initially there was physical contact at the start but I felt like I was used and ended that, she wants me around as a friend but because of the past and her coldness and harshness, lack of empathy and brutal disregard for peoples feelings and inability to share emotion, I mean if she cries she won’t even let me hug her, these things really hurt and I’m not sure whether I just walk away or how to handle it, I care about her.

this is having an effect on my motivation, I already have depression and constantly feel like I’m nothing.. any input or advice would be greatly appreciated

thank you

[Doolhof]

Hi Podlife73,

Welcome to the forum. It can be difficult when we are in a relationship where we don't fully understand the other person's actions, re-actions and way of doing life.

It can hurt when we feel like the other person does not need us or want us to be around. Most people want to feel loved, cared for, acknowledged, validated and appreciated.

Unfortunately past life experiences and mental health issues can confuse us and make us behave in ways that are not always beneficial to ourselves or others.

I guess the main point is, can you tolerate being around a person who may not be able to change their behaviours?

Your sense of self is important. So if you stay with this person or not, are their ways you can build up your own self-esteem? Are there things you can do to help work on strategies to help with your depression? Can you do more things you enjoy?

Looking after ourselves is important. When you feel better about yourself, you can feel better about life and others as well.

Hope this has helped in some way!

Cheers for now from Dools