Hi - suffering depression

Guest_125 · ‎07-10-2017

Hi,

I am 30 years old and 4 sessions into seeing a psychologist for depression. He is using CBT, which I have mixed feelings about at this point. I've started to work through some of my unhelpful thoughts, but still struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping that reading about other people's experiences and talking to other people will be helpful too.

Keira · ‎08-10-2017

Hi. I've just joined made my own account on beyond blue and noticed your post. I want you to know that I understand what your going through and although I don't know the answer or the cure for depression I know that I am much stronger know that I pushed through it. It's normal to feel helpless. Like your going nowhere. Like there's no point in doing anything. I felt the exact same way. I then realised, there is no point. Not in anything. That's the fascinating beauty of it. We have been given a life that we feel we have to use to accomplish something when really All that matters is being around people that make you happy and taking care of yourself. Do what you love. Be with who you care about. There may not be a point in life but there's also not a point in wondering about it. Yes life can be cruel. It can be brutal. You just have to stay strong. I believe in you.

Mathy · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Intergalactic-kitty and welcome to the BB forums 🙂

It’s great that you’ve organised to see a psychologist to help you deal with depression. Do you have a GP as well, and are you taking meds at all to help?

I found with CBT that it was difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and discovered that I had to trust ME to get myself there, and trust the person who was helping me on that journey. Because the journey involves developing a set of skills to keep you mentally healthy for the long term, it’s not a quick fix. Whilst we are still depressed it can be hard to view the long term picture. Perhaps if you spoke with your psychologist about how you feel, they could include some additional support and encouragement - if they don’t know how you feel, they can’t tailor your sessions to help. Think of it as a lot of baby steps to get to where you want to go.

There’s plenty of experience here on the forums as well, plus lots of useful threads (topics) to read which are quite educational. If you feel like a bit of light entertainment and interaction, then the BB Cafe (located under this topic) has quite a lot of general chit chat threads where you can interact with other members, in a more social setting.

Please write back and let us know how you’re doing, best M 🙂

Guest_125 · ‎08-10-2017

Hi, thank you for your comments.

I have a GP who referred me to the psychologist. No medication. My last session didn't go so well because the psychologist urged me to try to engage in social situations and I more or less fell to pieces over the idea. Social situations aren't the easiest things for me on the best of days. I suffer a pretty debilitating fear of rejection and I have either avoided social situations or put up walls to avoid making connections to others for as long as I can remember by making myself hard to relate to. It took a very long time for my now husband to win over my trust and for me to recognise that he will not betray or reject me. He is literally the only person I truly feel comfortable around. I don't even feel comfortable around myself and can't stay on my own for more than a few hours without falling into a hole of dark thoughts. So there is a certain amount of dependency on him which I know is not healthy, and I need to be able to stand on my own two feet and learn to be comfortable with myself. Sometimes I question if there's something wrong with him for accepting me which I know is a horrible thing to think.

And yes I think talking to my psychologist about how I feel about the therapy and, well, about what I've just said above, is something I have to do. Sometimes I try to make out like things are more OK than they are, which I know is an outright stupid thing to do, but it feels more comfortable in the moment than struggling through difficult conversations. I think the anonymity here is positive because it allows people to talk about things that are difficult to talk about.