Hi. I'm new

[Dana_h]

Hello everyone
I am new here. I signed up for myself because I'm tired of seeing myself change to the worst every day. I'm not sure if I'm suffering from any mental problem but I know for sure my husband is ! I've been married for 6 years with 2 kids. Since the beginning he had problems. He admits he might have depression but he thinks therapy won't help. I'm so tired of always being there for him when I need someone next to me. It's affecting me so much. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[geoff]

Hello Dana_h, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm really sorry for the position you are in, and if your husband believes he may have depression but unwilling to have therapy, could mean that he is in denial, not that I'm qualified to say.

From experience, it's best not to say 'we must talk' because that puts him on the defensive and won't open up, that's what I've learnt being a father of two as well as being asked this while I was in depression.

You should look after yourself at the moment, you need the strength to be able to look after your family, and by saying this doesn't mean you have to cope with everything.

Is he able to open up, bit by bit, and by doing this he may realise that he does need some counselling, but first take care of yourself because you are important.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Dana

Welcome to the forum. I too am sorry to learn how much you are struggling. I hope we can help and support you through this time.

Geoff is quite right when he said you need to look after yourself. This is vital as your family need you to be well and able to be a part of family life. My feeling is that the more you support your husband the less time you have for yourself and family. It also teaches him you can help him out of his depression and so he does not need professional assistance. If he has never had counselling he cannot say if it will or will not help.It may be time to not be available to him when you are not feeling the best or when someone else needs your help. Your children are presumably quite young and need lots of nurture from you. You cannot do that while giving your whole attention to your husband.

I hope I do not sound as though the role you have is support for family members. You do need to join in all the facets of family life. I also wonder if you were not so available if your husband would start considering other avenues of help. Getting him to see your GP would be a great first step.

I know it sounds mean not to help your husband but I also feel it is mean to expect you to cater for his difficulties at the expense of your own. We are all in need to help and support and we are all worthwhile enough to get it. If you are not so readily available and he asks why perhaps you can explain to him that there are others who need you as well as him. It may not have occurred to him.

Please go the The Facts at the top of the page and navigate through the drop down list. You will find a great deal of information there including a booklet written for family and friends of someone with a mental illness. You can download the fact sheets but must send a request for the booklets. There is no charge and I think it will be helpful to you.

You may also benefit from a visit to your GP and a general check up. You do not sound depressed but you do sound very tired and careworn. Your GP may prescribe something to help manage the tiredness. In any event he/she will know what is happening for you and may be able to give you some advice. Perhaps print out your first post and take it to the GP.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary