Hi! I'm new here

[Zelda1000]

Hi! I've just signed up to beyond blue after being diagnosed with depression a few months ago. Its taken me awhile to get the courage to sign up here cos I've found it really hard to accept that I have depression. I've only been able to tell my partner who still thinks nothing is wrong with me and my sister who has been the only one I have been able to talk to about it. But I feel she has her own issues and life to deal with that I don't feel like I can burden her with my problems hence why I'm here! Hoping to find out a way to deal with this through the support of others here on beyond blue. Thanks!

[Croix]

Dear Zelda1000~

Posting here does take courage, after all you are talking to a bunch of strangers, however it takes even more courage to accept what life has handed you, an illness called depression.

It's not all bad, there are treatments for this illness and most people go on to continue there lives with family, friends and employment. By saying you were 'diagnosed' I'm hopeful you are currently under medical care and that it will be effective quickly. In my own case it did take a while, partly because of complicating factors and partly because peoples' responses vary and there was a degree of trial and error before I was settled on my current regime.

You did say you had tried to talk to your partner - who still thinks there is nothing wrong. I guess normally there are two main reasons, disinterest or lack of understanding. Of course I don't know what applies here, hopefully the latter.

Lack of understanding is a problem that hits many. Sadly unless one has been there oneself it's very hard to imagine what is going on. There is a tendency to judge by normal standards rather than seeing certain behavior as being symptoms.

An example (I'm not saying this is you, it's just an example) would be many, myself included, simply did not want to get out of bed, no inclination, feeling it pointless, no energy and maybe frightened too. It could be easy to assume this was laziness - not the case at all).

The bottom line is if they cannot see obvious illness it may be disregarded or mistaken. I'm not sure how to make your husband realist the truth of the matter. Perhaps if you read The Facts menu above about depression and its symptoms you may be able to point him at passages that will have meaning for him. Perhaps taking him to your doctor, an authority figure can help.

While I can understand your reluctance to talk to your sister I'm not sure you should close off that avenue so quickly. Firstly I found I had a genuine need to talk and share my feelings and explain what was happening. This did not come at the start but later on. Doing so did make made life a lot easier, so I'd expect it might be the same for you .

Secondly people who love you will try hard for you, and may actually feel the better for being useful, maybe a change from the helplessness of their own issues.

Anyway I hope you feel free to talk, ask questions, or say how you feel here, you are most welcome

Croix

[geoff]

hello Zelda, I know that it's very difficult to accept that you may have or actually do have depression, it's certainly a far cry to what we never thought we could get, unfortunately sometimes we have no say, it's the power of this illness that will start to take control, but we can help you and do our best for you so that you can begin to see the light.
We know what depression has done to ourselves over all these years where we have suffered for so many years, and perhaps what we have been through we can avoid this for you. Geoff.

[Zelda1000]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It really means a lot to me that I am able to talk to people but not in person. My doctor has recently started me on medication which has really helped with my mood, being happy again and not having those dark thoughts. I'm not going to lie, it was very difficult for me to start on medication straight away but I spose I'm grateful in a way that I was able to talk to my doctor and that I trust what he is doing to help me.

Talking to my partner is like talking to a brick wall. He just doesn't understand and when I bring it up, he just changes the subject. I like your suggestion to bring him to my next doctors appointment but not sure if he will on not. I can only try.

I'm still very unsure about talking to friends and other family just yet but I'm hoping I can work towards that goal in the future. I think you are right to say that I should still talk to my sister as I think bottling up everything will just cause more damage.

I'm also concerned that I still need help with my depression because its stopping doing the things I love and I even make excuses to my friends so I don't have to see them. I just end up watching tv or going on Facebook and I really hate it. I don't think it's laziness because I still love doing those things I just can't bring myself to do it and it really upsets me.

Talking on here has really highlighted other things going on that I didn't even realise. I really appreciate your advice and guidance in helping me get through this tough time. Thank you.

[Double_K]

Hi Zelda,

ive recently joined too.

ive only told a close friend of how I've been and she is great....but sometimes it's hard to chat to her as well. We all need to chat and it may get easier. I've noticed that they say on here that meditation can help and it does a bit. Try it maybe.

[Croix]

Dear Zelda (with a wave to Double K)~

If your medication is having that much effect then it is a very hopeful sign. I had to trial and error a lot to get the regime I'm on now -one that works. All I can say is there are heaps of people that find meds worthwhile.

Having a trusting relationship with your GP is a further stroke of luck. It makes a huge difference.

It's unfortunate about your husband and I feel for you . I've had the greatest of good fortune in having two partners that went out of their way to understand and support me. I'm not sure what else to suggest except perhaps if there is someone he listens too who can encourage him to be more understanding and flexible.

Talking to your sister may be useful in another way apart from direct support. You mentioned your reluctance to talk to other members of your family and your friends. This is possibly quite wise if you are unsure of your reception. Perhaps getting her advice on this might help. I would have thought there is no great hurry.

I agree it is not laziness that causes the isolation and withdrawing. Hoping to turn this around all in one go is probably not that realistic and when you don't succeed may lead to feelings of failure and self doubt. I was encouraged to do a little bit at a time - small steps. Going to a library, visiting someone I knew I liked and so on. Each thing was comparatively easy and gave me confidence and accomplishment.

Double K mentioned meditation, and a lot of people find benefit from it. I never seem to be able to concentrate by myself so use the free smartphone app Smiling Mind. This takes practice but is excellent.

As Geoff says there are a lot of people here who have lived with depression for an awful long time and are happy to share their experiences had what has worked for them. I do hope you remain here too

Croix

[Zelda1000]

Thank you Geoff and Croix,

I’m so glad I was able to get the courage to register on here. You have already given me so much hope and guidance that I don’t need to do this alone and have people that I can talk to to help me through the journey.

And thank you Double K, that’s such a great suggestion to start meditation. I never really thought to try it but I’m excited to try new things and definitely going to give it a go!

All of you have already helped me so much and I’ve only been here for a day! The darkness is starting to fade and I can start to see the light. Thank you!

[Double_K]

Zelda,

do try meditation. Relaxation is good. Even tho I still have a tough time sometimes I just find a quiet place and shut everything off around me.

[Zelda1000]

Hi Double K,

I took your advice and have downloaded some meditation apps. You’re right. It’s perfect to just close yourself off for a few minutes, relax and think about nothing. Thank you so much.

[Double_K]

That's wonderful Zelda.

Glad o could help