Hi. First post.

[GlussTea]

Hi. I feel a bit uncomfortable 'talking' about this, but since it is anonymous I will give it a try. I'm 52 and struggle with severe depression. Part of me feels ashamed. I have two degrees and have worked as an academic and a lawyer. I dropped out of a Ph.D when things got too hard, moved to the country with my ex and my marriage failed. My mum died early this year and my son moved to his dad's and I am now unemployed and always worry about money. I could only get casual academic jobs when I returned to Melbourne but in this environment that has dried up. Lately I lack the confidence to apply for jobs. Recently I have been trying to draw a line in the sand and focus on looking towards new possibilities and self-care, but I seem to struggle with myself. Some days I just can't get out of bed, yet the other day I woke up feeing almost normal - this hasn't happened for months and months. Yet today I feel flat again, still in PJ's. I'm starting to accept that this is a mental health condition that I have to live with, but hope that things will feel brighter. My mind is relatively clear, but I have always been fairly high functioning yet I do about 1/100th of what I used to do now. Even doing the washing is difficult. I am very grateful for a lot of support - NDSI carer person comes once a week, and I have gym once a week, but I don't do what I should for self care. Perhaps people have tips or suggestions. Thanks for listening. GlussTea.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

thankyou for a comprehensive post

Certainly your instability with tiredness demand a diagnosis. Such diagnosis could range from diet to severe mental disorder but whatever the cause your road to recovery will be directional once that step is made.

So chat with your GP and take it from there.

Herevis a thread that might interest you- use search at the top of this page

The timing of motivation

TonyWK

[Pedestal]

Hi GlussTea

Firstly, cherish the fact that you you have done something towards helping yourself when you posted in this forum. I am so happy to have read your post. This is my first introduction to this forum also. I can really empathise with where you are coming from and parts of your post are like reading my own life.

I am 48 years old and was highly trained in a fairly demanding well paying financial/banking job from which I changed to lower paid part-time jobs after having two children. I left my latest part-time job due to anxiety and finding the pressure/juggling too hard. I also used to be very high functioning with now a fraction of my previous ability.

I feel a lot of shame about my inability to hold a job and bring in income while parenting my kids and also ashamed of my depression and anxiety. I found TED talks by Brené Brown really useful to help me process feelings of shame, for example https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en.

My marriage is in a very poor state where only dependant children and lack of finances have made separation prohibitive. I have been unemployed for a few years now and my confidence to obtain and hold gainful employment has been decimated.

I too struggle with motivation and the actual ability to do anything including very simple tasks. At times my staying in bed, PJ's and lack of productivity has been to the point where I have been very scared. The best thing that has worked for me is small and regular amounts of socialisation wherever I can get it. I now know to expect that I will have bad days again after having good ones and realise this is OK and try to give myself a break about it. The point is you had a day where you felt better so it's possible to get there again. Set very small goals, one at a time. I avoided medication for a very long time but eventually found that antidepressants did help to actually "get me off the couch" to do the necessary things to help myself but I still experience bad days and even weeks, but overall I can function a lot better and have less emotional pain. It is a balancing act as side effects from medication can include tiredness and drowsiness.

I also find that setting 8 minutes aside at night to plan a small task/s for the next day (anything - but if you feel it's one priority thing it helps most) helps me avoid overwhelm and making decisions when in that powerless place. This way I don't have to think about what to do the next day which can get pretty fuzzy and I find I can just go through the motions of doing something and start to feel a bit better.

It sounds like you have experienced a a large amount of traumatic life and emotional upheaval. My heart goes out to you. You are a child of the universe the same as anyone else and deserve kindness, compassion, empathy and respect from yourself and others. An excellent book/coaching guide that helped me was "Mind over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger. Again everything in small doses. I also find avoiding carbs helpful when feeling tired and unmotivated as well as changing habits and doing some small thing totally different to normal when I wake up in the morning.

Money worries have also been my constant companion and I am now looking at volunteering to boost my confidence, sociability and purpose. I am hoping that this may also lead to a more diverse skill set and recent work experience to help employment prospects.

Thanks for sharing - just hearing that someone else is experiencing the same sort of issues has helped me immeasurably today in what has been a down week! Hope this forum can help in some small ways. Pedestal