Mumma needs help with teenager

[Mind_of_a_teenager]

my daughter has a friend that has sever mental issues and is treating to kill her self nearlly everyday. The school is evolved and almost got to the point where they were not going to let her back in but they need to be showing that they are following guidelines, which I understand. Anyway my 14 yr old daughter is severely impacted by all this but can't see anything else except a fantastic friendship. We have to tried to stop the friendship but it's not working and now my daughter is depressed and is just starting to harm herself. The school has tried to keep them sperated but can't. Everything that happens here at home, my daughter is running back and telling her friend. I have no idea what to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, Thank you for being part of the beyondblue community forums and sharing what has been going on for your daughter. It sounds like she is really going through a hard time herself and you are feeling stuck as to how best to support her through this.  It is very understandable that your daughter has been impacted by her friend and may alsoand we think it might be helpful for her to get in touch with Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. 

For more ongoing counselling support for your daughter we would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage. They have Headspace centres all around Australia. 

For support for yourself, Parentline could be a useful place for you to call to get some support as to how to talk to your daughter about her self harm and how you can look after yourself amongst all of this. They have different numbers according to your state and they are listed on their website here:  https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgvjb75_k6gIVgyQrCh3WsQMBEAAYASAAEgKarvD_BwE

Additionally, our Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and do their best to point you in the right direction for help in your area.

Warm regards,

Modsupport. 




 

[Aaronsis]

Hello Mind of a teenager

I am so sorry this is happening to you and to your daughter, it is a very painful time I am sure and I am so pleased you have reached out for some support.

I am not a therapist and I am not a counsellor but I am a mum of a 13 yo girl and I am putting my mother hat on here to think about what I would do if it was my daughter.

I know that this might sound wrong or silly or even stupid BUT I would allow the friendship to continue. Why? well clearly they both care for each other dearly and the fact your daughter is expressing how much she wants to be with her friend and even self harming demonstrates this. They very well may need each other through this time.

Next, and I have only learnt this as I have gone through a suicide in my family and that is that NO ONE is responsible for another person's life. If your daughter's friend is going to take her life we can do all we can to support her and be there and let her know is she loved but if she does choose to end her life no one else but her is responsible for her life. So maybe having the support of your daughter is what she does need, to let her know that she is loved and her friend is there for her. You may even decide to engage with her friend and to support her family, if they indeed know. The more love around this girl the better.

The other point is that while she does say she wants to take her life, she may very well not. Days do get better and with help and love and support people to see brighter days.

You could help your daughter to support her friend and direct her to places like here, to Kids HelpLine who are amazing and have both phone and internet support services too. Your daughter may even want to reach out to them too to get some support for her. Sophie_M has put these details for you too.

You sound like a wonderful and loving mother, you would do anything for your daughter, hug her and love her and let her know these things. Let her chat to you without judgement and listen to her heart.

I hope you come back to chat some more. We care very much about you and your family.

Hugs

Sarah

[monkey_magic]

Hi,

Sorry to hear that your daughter is now depressed and has started to harm herself. She may need to really let out how she feels with someone she feels safe with.

I think the question is, is her mental health impacted by this other girl. People with mental health issues/ trauma issues can destabilize others. If it's an unhealthy relationship causing your daughter distress I would gently talk to her about the friendship so she hopefully opens up and comes to her own conclusions.

I'm also worried for this other girl but it's up to her parents, professionals, and the school to really keep an eye on her.

It doesn't have to be the end of their friendship but they both sound like they need seperate individual help at this time.