How do you start that conversation?

[young_community_service_w]

I'm Gemma. A 22 year old community service worker. Earlier this year, our community was impacted by the bushfires. -And now of course COVID. Work has been particularly challenging this year with the community suffering from huge losses and also having my own personal stressors. -Unwell family members, relationship struggles, ect...

I'm often feeling fine, particularly if I'm busy. But when I'm not feeling fine, I have some very negative thought patterns. Often, my relationship with my partner and friends suffers for it. I think that they don't care care about me and while I don't tell them how I'm feeling, I do feel negatively towards them and occasionally start an argument.

Before work this morning, I cried, felt sick and like I had a weight on my chest stopping me from breathing properly. Something so minor had started this the day before. I barely dragged myself to work, I thought of calling in sick several times, but my colleagues are usually great listeners and I thought I could do with the distraction.

Unfortunately, a couple of people from our organisation are taking sick leave at the moment due to mental health. A third one, as of today. So now I feel like a burden to my employers if I tell them I'm not coping. I also haven't told my partner or family because they all have their own problems to deal with. So I'm feeling alone today.

I think I'll speak to a counsellor, but I don't know how to start the conversation?

[Missy_Jo]

Hi Gemma, does your employer have an Employee Assistance Provider? They can be a great place to ask for help because they are well versed in talking to people who feel guilt around not coping at work.

If this is not an option for you, try speaking with your GP. I'm sorry I can't hep with your question about how to start the conversation. In my experience I have just booked the appointment and forced myself to go and then just word vomited all over the doctor as soon as I got in to their office.

hope you get some good support, and thank you for the important work you're doing with our devastated communities.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Gemma,

I feel you’ve clearly been through so much. I get a sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and perhaps there’s even some burn out. So many emotions there...

I feel for you...

I know your community has suffered immensely this year. Then on top of that, you have your other personal struggles too...

I really like Missy Jo’s very caring and helpful suggestions about the EAP program or reaching out to a GP 🙂 I think those could be potential pathways for you to seek help.

As for your question about how to start a conversation with a counsellor. I would gently suggest just talking about your feelings and what you’ve been going through. Just letting the words flow if you can...

Alternatively, I know some people find it helpful to plan ahead e.g. bullet points, written statements, etc. Some people like to show what they have written to the counsellor if they think that they might struggle to open up initially, which is very understandable as opening up to a counsellor can be nerve racking at first.

I think you’ve been so brave in reaching out here. I feel that is a courageous step...

If you feel like it, but absolutely no pressure at all, please let us know how things go with seeing a counsellor. Also, of course you’re welcome to write in any time to chat, ask questions, etc. But as I said, no pressure of course.

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[ecomama]

Hi Gemma, sending out a very warm Welcome to the BB forums to you. And big hugs (there's alotta hugs in there) for all the things you're going through. A wave and Welcome to Missy Jo too.

Gemma You ask "how do I start the conversation?"
You can phone the BB helpline and talk with them, let them know you don't know how to approach this, Tell them a bit about what you're going through and if you're feeling overwhelmed, also about a little about the 'dark thoughts', ask them to email you a list of Counsellors / Psychologists in your area.

(My background of trauma has been around DV so I've called 1800RESPECT helpline mostly for my issues.
I got a psychologist's name from them. I found Uniting Care - formerly Unifam was the best Counselling service for me.)

Then you can "intuit" which one you would like to go with. You can either phone them directly and ask how to book an appointment and / or have a telehealth appt with your GP for a Mental Health Care Plan (MHCP) which gives a Medicare rebate on psychs.

You are one powerful and compassionate young lady doing the work you do esp under these most trying of times. I thank you for your selfless service but YOU are important too. I REALLY mean this... time to give yourself more... more time for healing... more support... just more all around. I work in a challenging field also, have done for 40y. A while back I had to decide whether to bail out or to 'stay for the long haul', ofcourse I decided to stay lol. So this meant getting help for me. I'm so glad I did!

I think you could also be asking how you start the conversation with those you love?
A good beginning sentence is "The story I'm telling myself right now is .... " it could be you're feeling that person doesn't care about you etc..
Let them respond.
This tip is from the wonderful work of Brene Brown. She has alot of online talks you can watch including Ted Talks and many lovely others. Netlfix has a special of hers "The Call To Courage". I urge you to spend time watching her speak, she has been a deep and true inspiration for me.

Let us know how you get on!

Love and best wishes
EM