Hi everybody !

[Starwolf]

A good start would be introducing myself, although briefly. I have no trouble opening up. I am well aware that I have been damaged by a chaotic past (physical, sexual abuse, addiction, the feeling of always being out of place anywhere, anytime etc...).

Although a lot of work has been done on my issues, it is an ongoing process. From childhood, I have found I could communicate with animals better than I would with people. This has been my saving grace....I wouldn't have pulled through without my dysfunctional family's dogs and horses. Asperger's syndrome was unheard off in those days but hindsight and research seem to indicate I grew up with it.

For as long as I can remember, I have been trying to repay this debt of gratitude. Both professionally and privately, I have been involved in trouble-shooting for horses and dog rescue. I specialize in rehab, taking on only those who have nowhere else to go as deemed unrehomable to work on them on a 1 on1 basis. Without this motivation and responsibility, there are many days when I wouldn't bother getting out of bed. Although other areas of my life are to say the least dysfunctional, this focus on  issues beyond my own has had a positive impact both on my charges and myself. There's no way one can be a successful trainer (hate the term "behaviorist") without a lot of training work on oneself.

I live by choice in the outback. Although I wouldn't have it any other way, it does nothing to alleviate a sense of social isolation. I hope joining this online community can help. Perhaps I can also offer support to other sufferers.... See what happens !

[Starwolf]

Hi again Sherie,

So good waking up under a cloudless sky. May it last !

Love your girl's symmetrical face markings. She is very pretty. Did you know that the Foxie breed was originally created by crossing a standard Fox Terrier with a Chihuahua ?

Right now all I figure about the pups is that they're a small breed. They're just little blind sausages equipped with a very loud mouth. Time will tell and if in doubt I have access to DNA testing.

Yes, rescue does put one in contact with the worst and best humankind has to offer. Unfortunately, we see more bad than good. There are moments when we rescuers do fall apart but we pick ourselves up and keep going. No viable alternative. I was once told that only a heart which has been broken time and time again can be truly open...

I understand your desire to keep to yourself, being a loner myself. Life should be simple but we humans have a genius for turning it into a confusing mess. We create a mental labyrinth and cannot find the way out. Too much close interaction with others can bring complication into one's life -I'm with you there- but only if we let it. Sure, there's a lot of evil around and I believe there is nothing wrong with a tad of paranoia as armor against it. As long as it doesn't isolate us from the love, beauty and compassion which also exist.There are ways to keep safely beyond the turmoil. Like many other things, finding such haven is neither easy nor impossible. Staying in the eye of the cyclone is an ongoing process for me, learning that openness doesn't necessarily mean vulnerability. There are many setbacks along the way but -these days- I can view them as part of the journey instead of disheartening failures. Progress at last !

In a nutshell, this is where I am at re voluntary isolation...with a long way still to go in this direction. If my openness bothers you, please let me know. Putting my cards on the table comes naturally to me but I don't expect others to do the same.

You ask about my accent. It usually causes much speculation. I have traveled extensively, lived almost a decade in South-East Asia so I guess it must be a blend. Can't help there...can't hear it !

I've recently switched from dial-up internet to satellite although I keep both (these days dial-up only works for emails). I never had TV until recently but reception is also via satellite. It means that in rough weather, I have neither TV (not a problem) nor internet. I'm also way out of mobile range.

Take care.

[Scotchfinger]

We create a mental labyrinth and cannot find the way out. (Starwolf)

You've got some great insights Starwolf which we can all benefit from here on BB. Hope you hang around.

[Guest_5218]

Starwolf, thanks for your insightful reply.  Your openness does not bother me at all, in fact I find it quite refreshing.  You may not always get the same from me however, as I am a somewhat reserved person by nature.  I have always been someone who people come to and tell me their troubles, but I have never been able to reciprocate by telling them mine.  Subsequently family and acquaintances (I dont really have any friends) and even my husband have no idea of the struggles I live through from time to time.  I keep an outward mask of strength at family and social gatherings, and work.  But the inner turmoil is always there unfortunately.  And I think that is why I find so much benefit from these Forums. It gives me a release, a safe place to vent my fears and frustrations.  And given that it is in the written form, thats even better for me.  Verbally I am not at all a good communicator.

I wasnt aware that the Mini foxie was an original cross between standard Foxie and Chihuahua, so thats interesting.  I was always of the thought that the Mini Foxie was very similar to a Tenterfield Terrier, which I believe is a version of the Manchester Terrier crossed with some other small breed.  But I dont really know. Either way, they're all great .........

I'm sorry to hear that you have suffered many setbacks along the way, but happy that you can view them as a part of your overall journey, leading to eventual progress.

Where abouts in SE Asia have you lived the 10 years?  I have been to Thailand and the Philippines a number of times over the past 10 years, and love both.  I've also been to Singapore and Malaysia, but only once each.  My husband and have been sponsoring a young family in the Philippines for about 8 years now. The monthly funding covers the 2 kids schooling costs as well as putting food on their table.  We do it privately, rather than through any of the organised charities.  

It sounds like with your internet, in bad weather we may not hear much from you?  Alright I must go.  Thanks again for your reply.  I hope you are enjoying getting to know the BB Website?  There are a lot of resources here for anybody looking for information.  Although I suspect with your training, you probably know most of it anyway.     ( - :

Sherie x

[Starwolf]

Hi again,

Sorry SM, my reply needs a bit of clarification re the fact that I have never sought "conventional" help for my issues. I haven't but I wish to make it clear that this lone wolf approach has fitted in with my own unusual life path. I would not recommend it to anyone else. As a matter of fact, I'm all for encouraging others to seek professional help when needed.

Remarkable (if ruthless !) mentors have crossed my path. This has been a blessing and privilege, although it didn't always feel like it at the time. Life has repeatedly pushed me to transcend limitations and wake up to the dark corners of my own mental circuitry. For example, being sole carer for my daughter, disabled by acquired brain injury contributed to bringing more order to my own issues. Also, the nature of solitary rehab work with animals deemed dangerous (in an isolated environment where scavengers would find you first) has a way of altering your perspective. Awareness of one's own mind's patterns can be a do or die issue when you deal with large animals with homicidal tendencies.

I'm the wrong side of 60 and still alive, a victory in itself but a more formal approach with professional help would have felt more comfortable....if applicable !

Thank you for making yourself available to us all.

[Starwolf]

As said before, I do not expect others to reciprocate my cards on the table approach. If people want to share some of their mental turmoil, I'll be there for them. If not, there are oodles of other topics of conversation.

I understand what you are saying re covering up inner turmoil under a mask of strength. I did it many years.

As for your girl's ancestry, I'm not sure about the part Tenterfield Terrier bloodlines played in the foundation of the Aussie foxie. However Manchester Terriers are black & tan dogs while most Foxies I know are predominantly white with markings. This seems to indicate that their origins go mostly back to the original British model (Fox Terrier/Chihuahua). Many selective breeders are playing God, tweaking here and blending there in order to satisfy their own views and make more money by creating unusual (therefore coveted) freaks....and so creating a lot of physical issues and mental instability. Aaaargh ! Don't get me started on that !

One of selective breeding's victims is one of my own dogs. She is -in theory- a purebred German Shepherd and definitely looks like one in every respect...except that she has ice blue eyes. Her breeders introduced Husky blood in their program generations ago to counteract the dysplasia problem that selective breeding has created in the GS breed in the first place. Although I am sure they must have used a brown eyed Husky, this blue eyed wonder came up in an otherwise perfectly "acceptable" litter. Of course they were horrified as she couldn't be registered...so they tossed her out, gave her away to people who kept her 6 years chained up under a house, neglected, beaten, never socialized. As a result, she turned into a feral mess, wanting to kill everything in sight. Then they moved out and left her to starve until neighbors realized 2 weeks later that she had been left behind and alerted a ranger to come put her down. Fortunately, he contacted GSD Rescue first. She's been with me ever since. She's now 12 years old.

Have a good day.

[Starwolf]

Not going anywhere right now Scotchfinger...

I clicked on the beyondblue forums by mistake, aiming to reconnect with an animal related activism forum. At the time, I was trying to contain 3 squirmy pups on my lap while fending off their foster mother scratching at my leg.

Lifetime experience has taught me to pay attention to these small "accidents". Sometimes they mean nothing much except for example that I should improve focus on what I'm doing. Sometimes it is a nudge from the Universe, the Law of Synchronicity at work or some such thing. I don't believe in chance anymore. The cosmos is too well engineered to include such concept. I suspect we invented it because our limited perception hides the big picture. So we have no understanding of how and why all those unrelated little snippets fit into it. As far as I am concerned, faith that they do has been slowly taking root. Hindsight has helped a lot, making me realize that all my rantings and ravings against the unfairness and absurdity of it all had probably been unfounded. Pity such realizations only come when they don't matter anymore. Such waste of energy... 

Life is often trying to make me step out of my bubble, interact more with my own species for a change. I am enjoying the conversation, the exchange of views and if my jumping on board can be of some use to others then all is well.

As said in my introductory post...see what happens.

[Scotchfinger]

I don't believe in chance anymore. The cosmos is too well engineered to include such concept. Starwolf

Maybe I'm easily impressed but you seem like some kind of mystic, Starwolf.

[Starwolf]

Naaah,  Scotchfinger...just someone who's been there, experienced and experimented a lot for quite some time !

What's YOUR idea of the workings of the Universe ? Do you believe in the random factor ? I once did, for a long time too but when something happens by "chance" time after time on a constant, consistent basis I have had to find another word for it !

And a different explanation. It has involved a fair bit of risk taking to test it out but it worked. Not only for me but also for other "fool on the hill" types, silly enough to take a plunge and see what happens.

Not raining for a change, I'm off bush bashing with the pack.

[Guest_5218]

Bush bashing with the pack!  Ha ha, you sound like Cesar Millan!  Do you follow similar principles in your training to what he does, or somewhat different?

I notice that you have put up a profile picture since I posted to you this morning.  Nice.  Presumably this is one of your 'charges'.  I've changed mine today as well.  I do that from time to time, as the whim takes me.

You didnt respond to my questions this morning, so I guess I was asking things that you were not comfortable answering.  In which case, sorry .......   please ignore.

Workings of the universe confuses me.  I have no knowledge of that stuff at all........

Have a good day with 'the pack'.  Hope the puppies are doing okay.

Sherie xx

[Starwolf]

Sorry I had to close my last post to you in a hurry. Dog duties called and no one else around to delegate. I am often interrupted....

So good to read that you are sponsoring a Filipino family. They need all the help they can get over there. You must have become very close to them over the years. I also think by-passing organizations is a good idea, the only way to make sure the totality of your contribution goes where you intend it to.

I did travel around Asia a fair bit but was resident both in South India and Sri Lanka, commuting regularly between both. I worked there (different jobs), learned Indian classical dancing, became involved in work with pariah dogs, spent a lot of time in the jungle etc....

As for my profile photo, yes this was one very influential dog in my life....until 6 months ago. I think one of our dogs' roles is to teach us to let go as their lifespan is way shorter than ours. Astor was yet another of those "basket cases", a tough cookie who was kept separate from all others for over 2 years in GSD's Rescue kennels (Sydney area). These dedicated people tried to tame him but one trainer after the other declared him hopeless, too dangerous to continue. So he was condemned to death. Someone at GSD Rescue spoke to me about him as it is known that I grew up with working bloodlines Sheps (different in both looks and character from the modern version). Over the years, I have taken a few of these special dogs off their hands. My European family has been involved in breeding/training them for 4 generations. It was love at first sight...thankfully reciprocated but it took months to earn his respect and trust. He was worth every frustrating minute of it.

I know nothing about Cesar Millan's methods (the lone wolf syndrome I guess!). The name only rings a distant bell). My methods are unorthodox (mind to mind) so I tend to keep away from the training crowd.

Must go, the pups are waking up and their foster mum insists it is my turn. Aaaargh !

Hope you have a pleasant, relaxing evening.