Hi everybody !

[Starwolf]

A good start would be introducing myself, although briefly. I have no trouble opening up. I am well aware that I have been damaged by a chaotic past (physical, sexual abuse, addiction, the feeling of always being out of place anywhere, anytime etc...).

Although a lot of work has been done on my issues, it is an ongoing process. From childhood, I have found I could communicate with animals better than I would with people. This has been my saving grace....I wouldn't have pulled through without my dysfunctional family's dogs and horses. Asperger's syndrome was unheard off in those days but hindsight and research seem to indicate I grew up with it.

For as long as I can remember, I have been trying to repay this debt of gratitude. Both professionally and privately, I have been involved in trouble-shooting for horses and dog rescue. I specialize in rehab, taking on only those who have nowhere else to go as deemed unrehomable to work on them on a 1 on1 basis. Without this motivation and responsibility, there are many days when I wouldn't bother getting out of bed. Although other areas of my life are to say the least dysfunctional, this focus on  issues beyond my own has had a positive impact both on my charges and myself. There's no way one can be a successful trainer (hate the term "behaviorist") without a lot of training work on oneself.

I live by choice in the outback. Although I wouldn't have it any other way, it does nothing to alleviate a sense of social isolation. I hope joining this online community can help. Perhaps I can also offer support to other sufferers.... See what happens !

[Guest_1055]

Hello Starwolf

You sound somewhat positive and there are lots of people on these forums who would appreciate any support. So thank you for your kind gift of offering it.

There is also a lot of people that love animals on here, especially dogs. So you will find some people who share this common interest. I actually like cats myself, and used to have one. I bought her from the RSPCA, which is a shelter for animals. I really loved her, and she was the only friend I ever had at one stage in my life. You are correct about communicating with animals. I find it far more easier as well. They are real, they don't wear masks, they love you and you can love them back... That does sound like a very worthwhile job you are doing there with the rehab and all. It is quite impressive really, because not everyone could do that. Do the horses and dogs came out to you, where you live or something?

So has it been pretty hot in the outback?

Well I also wanted to say hello to you as well, and give you a hug, if that is OK?

With love to you

Shelley xx

[Zeal]

Hi Starwolf,

Welcome to the forum! Thank you for your honest and interesting post 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that your childhood was so difficult. I'm glad you've sought help in the past for this trauma. Asperger's now no longer exists as an independent diagnosis in the DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition). It is now diagnosed as Autism (usually high-functioning Autism). I was actually misdiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 9 or 10. I struggled with social skills, but did have at least one close friend throughout primary school. I had some quirky and unusual habits, and I sometimes didn't give much eye contact because I was shy. At 11, the diagnosis was overturned, as I didn't meet all the criteria. I also could understand situations from the perspective of others and I had plenty of empathy (which is often lacking in those who were diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome).

I'm glad caring for and interacting with animals was a peaceful escape during your childhood. It sounds as though you are very dedicated to your job with animals now, and prioritise their wellbeing. I can tell you are definitely a gentle-spirited and caring person. To have suffered through trauma as a child, and to push on and keep your kind nature and hopefulness intact is amazing! You are not embittered by what happened, but are instead hoping to keep working through past issues and continuing your important work with animals.

As you have pointed out, living in the outback definitely presents challenges in terms of social interaction. Do you have any friends or acquaintances you see at your home or somewhere local? Being with animals is the next best thing, and I imagine you would interact with other animal workers at times, as well as animal owners. Do you live within an hour of services such as a grocery store or a GP practice/counselling service? If you don't mind me asking, do you live alone? I feel these are important lifestyle questions. If you can't physically access a clinic, you could look into online forms of counselling.

I hope you can get support from this community 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Scotchfinger]

There's no way one can be a successful trainer (hate the term "behaviorist") without a lot of training work on oneself.

That's an interesting point you made there, Starwolf. I think I learn a lot about myself through caring for my own pet dog. Some days I feel like my dog understand me better than other human beings. They are so uncritical though, which is why I probably like his company.

[Starwolf]

Hi Shelley anne,

Thanks for your response and welcome hug.

I started working with special needs dogs in France where I grew up. I was a "Rehab Officer" for the SPA, French equivalent of the RSPCA. I don't work for the RSPCA here as they have a very strict rehoming policy which means many deserving "difficult" dogs are euthanized. No rehab officers here....Instead I have worked with various pet rescue orgs. and taken aboard death row pound inmates. Besides, the Universe has an uncanny way of throwing needy dogs across my path. Unfortunately, I have to refuse more candidates than I can take on....a constant battle between mind and heart.

And yes, you are right, animal company is restful (although some of my charges are anything but). They may not understand all our words but they usually pick up on our feelings before we do so ourselves ! Their mind is not as cluttered as ours and in spite of our self-proclaimed superiority they have it all over us in many ways (try long-term intelligence for a start). They can do unconditional love, telepathy, the ability to be in the moment, bounce back from trauma and scores of other things we have trouble mastering. Quite a few of my rescues have ended up as assistance dogs. I have loved doing this as it is a double-sided gift. A K9 life is saved and a needy human gets a helper and more independence. The work I do is very humbling as my dogs often make me feel like a total idiot.

Best wishes and a hug back.

[Starwolf]

Hi SM and thanks for welcoming me. I appreciate your feedback.

Re Asperger's syndrome, I feel that little is really known about it and that many other related conditions may be lumped under that banner. This feeling comes from conversations with both professionals and sufferers.

I am sorry if my post gave the impression that I have sought help in the past. I did not, although my parents once sent me to a string of psychologists and therapists. None of them helped. They didn't hang around in my life for long as my parents didn't like what they had to say. In some ways, they made things worse...although I missed the conversation with a few of them.

For some reason, I always questioned everything, always wanted to go deeper into subjects, scratching under the surface of things, of what was accepted as "known" fact. I became fascinated by the intricacies of the human mind and studied psychology, although I put an end to formal studies before finishing.

I then continued searching on my own, also going so deep into my own mess that I often re-surfaced with the mental equivalent of the bends !

Working with animals has somewhat counterbalanced this effect. Although their so-called mental simplicity is deceptive, it is true that the animal mind is not anywhere as cluttered as ours. And yes, you are right, working in rescue puts one in contact with compassionate people. Generally speaking, I am reluctant to do rehab work with dogs owners. 98% of domestic animal issues come from human mistakes and misunderstanding. Fixing these problems involves a change in the handler's attitude....not many people can do that. Getting rid of the animal is much easier.

There are very few people I can relate to. They live some distance away but we catch up from time to time. And yes, I live on my own....with a small pack of dogs, some permanent, others in transit. Although I would love more friendly connection with humans, I have no inclination towards pairing up (as in an intimate relationship with either male or female). Nor do I feel the urge to join a clinic.

I live "only" 75 kms from the nearest small town. As many of these kms happen on a poorly maintained dirt road -referred to as the "goat track" by locals- it can take as long as a couple of hours to get there. If it rains too heavily, I can become marooned for days. I guess over the years I must have developed a huge capacity for alone-ness.

Best wishes and a cyberhug.

[Starwolf]

Hello Scotchfinger,

Thanks for your kind response.

I quite agree with you. Animals share with us the same basic instincts and emotions. Like us they feel joy, grief, pleasure, distress etc....Only application of these same feelings differ because K9 life (for example) is different from human life. This mental/emotional similarity + the fact that the animal mind is less cluttered than ours (therefore clearer) causes them to understand where we're at and respond adequately to our feelings if not always to our words.

If only we were humble enough, there's a lot that we could learn from our animals...try unconditional love for example ! But you are one of the privileged ones. Caring for your pet, you have found out for yourself why they're such good therapists !

If you're interested in the ways your dog's mind works, you can google my website : dogspiritsite.com    It is a bit primitive as it was set up some time ago via dial-up but you may enjoy the read.

Love and best wishes.

[Guest_5218]

What a wonderful thing you are doing Starwolf.

I am definitely an animal lover, and one of the things that make me mad as hell is any cruelty towards animals. I have a little dog, Holly in the picture here, and she is just the best little mate you could ever have.  I got her as a cast-off that nobody wanted.  Lucky for me she does not have any behavioral issues at all.  She is just perfect! She is only a little girl, a miniature foxie crossed with chihuahua, 4.5kgs and a real little bundle of loving energy.

As a child I was always very shy and very much a loner, so my only real friends was our family dogs we had on the farm.  And even today, I am still far more comfortable with animals and little kids.  Where you can just be yourself and not be judged.

I love the outback, and occasionally spend time in a remote area of South West Qld, in the Channel Country. Such a unique part of Australia.  Although my home is on the Mid North Coast of NSW, which not exactly isolated.  But you can still lead an isolated existance, even if not physically isolated as you are.  I suffer from ptsd as a result of a traumatic experience 20 years ago, and tend to isolate myself as a result.  So yeah, I guess social isolation can be an issue for some.  But for me it is a self imposed thing, as I feel safer and less anxious that way.  Its just easier I guess.

I dont know a lot about Aspergers, so cant really relate there. But I do have a mildly autistic nephew, and know the difficulties he and his family face. 

75kms from the nearest small town is not too bad, but as you say if there is rain you could become marooned. And thats not so good.  Have you had any rain where you are recently?  We are getting a storm here right now. I do like the sound of thunder in the background and rain on the tin roof.

Anyway I just wanted to welcome you to the BB Community, along with everyone else.  And also to say that I think you are an outstanding person to want to come on here with the primary purpose of helping others.  I hope in doing so that you are helping yourself as well.  It is a pretty awesome little community here, as you have probably already seen from all the posts above.  I look forward to hearing more from you over the coming days.

Cyber hug to you as well  

Sherie xx

[Starwolf]

Hi Sherie and thanks for embracing this upstart.

Congratulations for opening your heart to a lil K9 reject. Our dogs have the knack of brightening the darkest mood. Your kindness will be repaid a thousandfold. I grew up with working bloodlines German Shepherds, still a specialty of mine to this day and also Standard Poodles (I was born in France). Experience has taught me never to underestimate a small dog. There is here half a dozen little ones at the moment. As I type this a Chihuahua/Pomeranian girl is sitting at my feet. Herself a cast-off, she is sharing my workload by being foster mum to 3 newborn orphaned pups who were left to die in a plastic container dumped in scorching sun at the side of the road.They were gasping their few last breaths when I found them, limp and floppy with heat stroke, dehydration and probably exhaustion. I didn't think they would last 5 minutes......They're not out of the woods yet but 4 days later, they're driving me up the wall with loud complaints and demands...a good sign.

It is bucketing down here at the moment. It has been relentless these last few days. I couldn't get out of here if I tried but it gives me a chance to reply to your welcoming posts so all is well. Like all else, it will pass although I wish it would hurry.

Isolation is often a self-defense mechanism. It does grow on you and experience has shown me that care must be taken lest it becomes a self-imposed prison. Trusting again after a traumatic experience doesn't come easy. Also some of us do not wish to have much involvement in worldly affairs which make little sense to us.

But I feel we all have a small contribution to make. This forum offers the opportunity to do so, to link up with others who -like myself- may not always feel all that comfortable in their own shoes... and within a world which at times seems to be spinning out of whack and out of control. I'm happy I found it.

I feel grateful for the welcome and support already coming my way. Thank you so much for being part of it.

P.S.: I live on the western slopes of the Barrington Tops, not that far away from you.

[Guest_5218]

Thanks for your reply Starwolf.

My, what an interesting person you are!  Born in France, studied psychology, now living a somewhat isolated existence caring for and training cast off dogs.  Oh wow, do you have any idea what the breed of the puppies are that you found dumped by the road?  I cannot comprehend how people can do that, I really cant.  It makes me angry, and sick in the stomach.

Oh, so you dont live all that far away from where I am, although its still a fair hike!  ( - :    The rain has stopped here some time ago, but it was nice while it lasted.

Yes, isolation can be a defence mechanism, and you're right I also have a trust issue.  But I dont see it as a prison, as I have always been quite happy in my own company.  I am very much an introvert, and I find being with people a real drain on my resources.

I'm glad you have come across the Forums too, as I am sure you will make a very valuable contribution to many people's lives with your understanding and advise.  And I hope it provides you with whatever it is that you are seeking as well.

Just before I go, I'm curious - do you speak with an accent still, or have you lost it long ago?  I do like a French accent ..  Accents are a funny thing.  Some people lose it really quickly, others maintain them for life despite living in a different country for most of their lives.

I hope the rain stops up there, so you arent marooned for too long.  Good luck with the puppies, I hope they survive. Do you get good internet service where you are?  

Gotta go,

Sherie