Hi All :)

[Mr_Blue]

Hello Everyone!

Hopefully I posting in the right area and not really sure how to start this either, I guess this is good way to try and get across what is going on in my head.

I've previously been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety over 4 years ago, main cause was bullying.

Today I feel like my anxiety has grown out of control somewhat, I've been having more and more uncontrollable Panic attacks that leave me hating myself, everything I do or say I regret. 

I even find myself saying in my head over and over again "How am I going to do this" meaning how can I handle going through this one more time/right now.

That all sounds pretty bad and I'm not saying my whole life is bad and that I'm even considering suicide, I having a loving fiance and she lets me know that she is always there for me and that I was the reason that she no longer has Depression and anxiety herself, she wishes what I've done for her, she can do for me. 

I want that too, but for some reason it's not working that way. 

I'm struggling in my head, I even sometimes think I'm going crazy, I get these pictures of me going completely insane in scenarios throughout the day during my anxiety moments. 

It's scary. Am I going crazy? Do I need to be seen just in case I go completely bonkers?

I got a lot to talk about and I will be seeing a Psychologist soon hopefully, to talk about these issues but tonight I felt like I needed to go somewhere.

Not sure if this is how an introduction is suppose to go.

Thanks for readig!

- Michael

[Zeal]

Hi Michael,

Welcome to the forum!

You can certainly post in this area, and can also write posts in other categories such as in the Anxiety or Men section.

If you don't mind me asking, were you diagnosed with anxiety and depression by the same professional 4 years ago? And did you receive treatment? Your current level of anxiety does sound severe, and seeing either your General Practitioner (GP) or a psychologist is important. If you go to your GP first, they can refer you to a psychologist who can meet your needs.

I am very glad you have a loving fiancé who is very supportive and can understand what you're going through. It's awesome that she no longer experiences mental illness because of her positive relationship with you! That is quite honestly amazing 🙂

I don't think you're going "crazy". You do need some help with the overwhelming thoughts though, and with the emotional unease they cause.

Please see a medical professional as soon as you can.

Best wishes,

SM

[Gruffudd]

Hi Michael,

Thank you for introducing yourself and welcome to the forums. Depression and Anxiety are super hard enough but there is an extra layer with bullying. I have been through something similar so I wanted to tell you about some of what helped for me here. There are forums on anxiety, depression, and the workplace which all have some great discussions. Don't forget to check out the self care and feel good stuff, if you have people who are pushing you and getting you down that stuff becomes more important then ever. There are plenty of people here who are great listeners and some are prepared to help pull apart some of the issues like friends do. When I was in the midst of all this it really helped when I made the move to get some professional help outside of that bubble of work. I look forward to what you have to say on the forums.

Rob.

[Starwolf]

Hey Michael,

First of all, welcome to these forums. Coming on board was a great decision. Another courageous step was to make an appointment with a therapist. Depression and anxiety are manageable. There's no need to search for the way out of the mental maze on your own. Sometimes, a guide is needed. So you are doing well already.

Mental turmoil doesn't mean you are going crazy. Many of us keep playing scary scenarios in our heads. We are producers, actors and spectators all rolled in one. Most of the plots that keep us on the edge of our seat never happen in real life.

I hope a health plan will soon be devised to help you cope. Recovery is a long road, with ups and downs, tight curves and obstacles thrown in the way. It also has its glorious moments and victories. It will all be worthwhile in the end.You are lucky to have a fiancee who can support you along this path. Having been there herself, she can understand what you're going through and has the necessary compassion to help. You are indeed privileged.

When the going gets tough, these forums can also offer a safe haven and a caring supportive network. Navigating them will reassure you that you are far from alone. A lot of useful knowledge can be acquired by sharing our stories.

Thanks for telling us yours. Your contribution here is much appreciated. If you wish to continue posting, we would very much like you to let us know how you go.