Hi, I've thought about writing in here for a long time and I'm not really sure how to say how I feel so I'll just ramble.
I'm writing now because I've just blown my savings and money yet again on gambling. I feel terrible. I never thought I had a serious problem until recently. This keeps happening. Even when I'm winning, as I had a big win last week, yet I managed to put it all straight back in. I feel like I can't get away from gambling. Even at home if I watch the football on tv, I can't help but place a bet.
I don't want to make excuses for my stupid actions, but I'll give a back story on my life. I'm 28, I have a wife, and a child who are both overseas. In fact, I have never even met my own child thanks to Covid. I send money every week, and we she has enough to apply for the marriage visa. But unfortunately I cannot provide my bank statements because they're simply embarrassing. I told her I would fix it, and be better. Yet here I am again at the absolute rock bottom.
I feel incredibly lonely in life, I'm not a bad person, and I portray myself as a funny and laid back guy. But deep down I know I'm quite depressed. I have no family in this country I speak to. I haven't spoke to my Dad in over a year, and I would rather not speak to him. My mother had serious mental illnesses, and was once detained in a mental health facility. Since she left, she was introduced to born again Christianity, which in my opinion made her worse. She kicked me out of home when I was 17, and I was forced to live with my Dad for a while. I was getting along with her well again until a few months ago, and since I haven't spoken to her.
My younger sister was the only person in my family I ever got along with well. I lived with her a few years ago for more than a year. We were supposed to have a new place to live, but we had an argument and then I was told I couldn't live with her. I didn't speak to her for over a year, then we reconnected. Since then, she took her own life.
My older sister I have seen twice in the past 8 years. Once, at my sister's funeral, and another when she was in the intensive care unit at the Hospital. Other than that she had been in prison.
I have a younger brother, whom lives with my mother. But I haven't spoken to him really since 2015 when I took him to a cricket match.
I haven't seen a doctor my entire adult life, and I have pretty bad anxiety to do so. But I wish I could.
Sorry for the long message. Thank you if you took the time to read.
Welcome to Beyond Blue forums and thank you for taking the brave step in reaching out here. We are so glad you've shared what you are experiencing with us. Please know that you are in a safe, non-judgmental space where you can talk about whatever you are going through.There are many here who have gone through challenging situations of their own.
We can hear that you are going through a very difficult time and have experienced significant trauma in your life. We are so sorry to hear about your younger sister, that must have been devastating. We can hear how alone you are feeling at the moment and it makes total sense. It's a very difficult thing to be apart from your core family and your child whom you haven't met yet. You mentioned you've not seen a doctor and would like to but have anxiety about it. Perhaps you can chat to a counselor over the phone to help process some of this anxiety so you can reach out to. You can contact our Support Service anytime at 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline at 13 11 14 to talk to a caring, friendly counselor. Ultimately it would be very beneficial to see a doctor. Trying to figure things out on our own when we're so overwhelmed isn't easy and to have someone else help us can make all the difference.
There are also resources available to assist with addiction to gambling. Here is a link for you with resources and tips that you can read: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/managing-my-daily-life/coping-with-isolation-and-being-at-home...
Please know that you are not alone and there is support available to you. We hope you will continue to post here and let us know how things are going for you, whenever you feel up to it.
Hello Plympton, welcome to the site and it does take great courage when people do admit they have a problem but sometimes they can't fix something they don't understand and know how much this is affecting their own life and those around them.
If you are addicted to gambling then you need to see all the negative aspects this can create and triggers that will eventually want to make you gamble, and these can amount to what you know yourself is the reason why you need to gamble.
A gambler can never win, sure there are times when you have a nice win fall, but the temptation to double your money only means you'll lose everything that made you a winner, so these thoughts plus any other trigger tempting you to gamble need to be established, but it's very difficult to do this all by yourself, you need help from those who are experienced, so gambling can be stopped.
A craving is definitely one trigger you need help to overcome, it's the same with any addiction.
Someone suffering from any type of depression may be included to become addicted, they feel that winning, as in your situation, is going to make them happier, unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way, the opposite happens, the same occurs with another person addicted to alcohol, 'just one more drink' is the same as 'this is my last bet', there is no end in sight when addiction takes over.
Shame and guilt are strong feelings for anyone in recovery from addiction and may cause you to relapse or alternatively, it can motivate you to stay in recovery, depending on the situation you're in.
No one is blaming you for this addiction, sometimes it just happens as a friendly way to entertain yourself but then develops into a problem, and one way is to ban yourself from any gambling venue and the mission is to see your wife and child, but can I suggest you write down your addiction, the problems associated with it, so you can had this over to your doctor, and please don't be afraid of talking with them, they counsel and treat all sorts of problems and can help you.
Please get back to us, although I'm about to log off as I start very early, but will look for any reply you've made back to us.
Thank you for your replies. I was feeling very low when I wrote my post here.
I had a good sleep, and I'm trying to start again. I've deleted my accounts on betting sites, and I'm going to try and exercise to help myself feel better.
The problem is mostly with pokies. I love my local football club, but there is machines there. I wish they were banned, they ruin lives. I don't think I have an alcohol problem by itself, but the problem is alcohol leads to smoking, and gambling which I would like to avoid.
Hello Plympton, I am sorry this has happened, but if I tell you about another incident by a person I'm a friend with may be able to help you.
This chap was addicted to the pokie machines and at one point he had $3500 in credit, but instead of withdrawing this money, he thought he could increase his profits, that didn't happen, he lost the whole amount and needed to borrow money to get home, bringing his mood back into depression.
Fortunately, he met a girl, who he has been married to for several years, who convinced him to ban himself from all the pokies in town, but this needed to be done through the administration, he wasn't strong enough to rely on himself to not use them, especially after drinking at the premises and she only gave him a small amount to bet on the horses.
The same still happens today and doesn't even want to go the pokies.
Drinking at the football is what some people want to do, I used to do it, now I don't drink at all and haven't for 18 months, that's not the issue though, are you able to do what my friend has done and ban yourself from the pokies and be refused to cash a $50 note.
It's just a suggestion to try and help you.