Hello..New Girl Here

[Gonegirl]

Hello...I'm 49, still parenting kids aged from 7-18, separated (amicably, under the same roof, from my husband) and struggling with a Personality Disorder (Detachment)/Severe Depression & Anxiety. I was in a private psychiatric facility for a month in February this year, it was the safest and most calming time for me. Once again I am fighting to stay out of hospital. Not because I don't want to be there (because I'd go in a heartbeat if I could) but because it's Christmas and I have children and I'm trying really hard to hang on as long as I can, for them. As each day passes I'm becoming more and more anxious and agitated. My Clinical Psychologist is on holidays for a month, so I feel a bit "out to sea". I don't sleep more than an hour or two a night and usually have to try and catch up. I'm experiencing high levels of guilt right now as I wish I could be more joyful and motivated for my kids. Just getting out of bed in the morning is a major hurdle, never mind functioning as a parent.

I tend to use alcohol as an escape, or to boost my confidence. I take ADS, however I'm quite non-compliant and often forget or take them late. Since leaving hospital 10 months ago I've refused to continue on anti-psychotics (they were prescribed to deal with anxiety, not psychosis) they did help me sleep though. 

Im hoping to find support here as I'm a very private person and apart from my psych, and a few very select people, I tend to hide my issues away and hide myself away (inside myself.)

Lou

[geoff]

dear Lou, I am so sorry that you do want to help your kids over Xmas and I only say this because you are struggling.When anyone is admitted into a ' private psychiatric facility '
you do feel safe, because there are no responsibilities, no phones
annoying you, no demands from children, or taking and picking up the
kids and whatever else comes with being a parent.Lou you are
trying to push a wheel barrow pull of concrete up hill, I think you
realise this, and I'm so sorry to be honest with you, as it's not my
intention to criticise you, but try and help you, just as if I was your
brother.The situation you are in at the moment is tragic, so do
you feel comfortable in seeing another psychologist, if possible, who
might also work where your psychologist does, because by talking can be
your best option.The greatest problem with going back into this private psychiatric facility
is that you can't stay there for ever, which maybe a benefit for you,
but then contact with your kids would be restricted, and eventually you
will be released to come back to your world, and that's what the clinic
is trying to achieve for you, in other words all your coping issues have
to be made much stronger.I won't tell you off for drinking
alcohol even though I probably should, and maybe criticised for not,
however the other medication such as AD's need to be taken at a certain
time every morning or lunch time and you need to talk to your doctor
about these anti-psychotics which have helped you before.I am
really pleased that you have come to us to talk to, because it's
anonymous and no one knows who you are, all we know are the problems
that you are suffering from, and these are rather horrific. Really hope that you do get back to us. Geoff. x
​

[Gonegirl]

Hi Geoff, thank you for your welcome and your honesty. Yes, going back into hospital is more an escape than anything. I get to do art therapy every day, no responsibilities... Ahhhhhhh. Of course going home is a nightmare as hospital really only makes my detachment worse.

im currently 10 months into Schema Therapy with a specialist psych. He actually practices out of the facility I was in. Im still struggling to connect with him as I have major trust issues. I guess that's why I came here as talking to another psych is not an option.

im like many people who've been struggling with mental health issues most of their lives, I'm tired of fighting constantly. It's exhausting.

[KTOCD]

Hey Lou,

I'm very glad u have joined us here. Sorry that u r having such a hard time.....especially at Xmas. Hang in there!!! Obviously you need much more professional help to get you on the road to recovery. When things get too much for me I like to think about the basic things that I have that I need to be grateful for. For me, it helps get a more positive frame of mind happening.  What things do you have that you are grateful for? List them in a reply below!!! These r mine - 1) husband 2) roof over head 3) clothes to wear 4) enough food to eat 5) my beautiful dog........ U get the idea? 

What's positive in your life?

kate

[KTOCD]

P.s. Take your meds 😉 They help. Organise for the chemist to put them in a blister pack and leave them somewhere u will see them - eg dining room table. It's really important to take them and it's something u can do today to start things moving in the right direction.

[Gonegirl]

Hi Kate...thank you for your welcome and your reply. I am grateful for the blessings in my life, I have wonderful kids, a home to live in, etc. the most important things in my life are the things I'm detached from, my kids, my home, so the guilt is profound. I have a great psychiatrist and clinical psychologist helping me. In the last three years my marriage has ended and my younger sister passed away from cancer. I have a very small family, divorced parents and a brother in a locked psychiatric facility, where he now lives permanently. I have my children as my immediate family. Xmas is always the most challenging hurdle to get over each year. 

[KTOCD]

Hey,

sounds very painful 😔 I understand a bit more now...thanks for your explanation. 

Hope u get through Xmas ok. Keep talking on here when you need to.

KT