I have reluctantly been burying my demons for far too long. I suffer from extreme PTSD and Anxiety plus some terminal illnesses and to top it off I woke up approximately 18mths ago paralysed from the waist down (I was ok when I went to bed) I have been learning the basics of walking again. I have not been outside in 14mths and I haven't driven or ridden in over 2yrs. I live alone and have no quality of life, I'm estranged from my 3 adult children I haven't seen my youngest in 16yrs. I miss them terribly and I have realised that I don't know them. It has been cloak and dagger with the other 2 as I couldn't tell the other I was seeing them because if their mother found out she would throw them out. I have given up and stopped taking my medication about 4mths ago, i go to bed hoping that I won't wake up. I have no quality of life and no dignity left as I don't have control of my bowel or bladder. I honestly don't know what else to do. I realise that there isn't a magic pill that solves everything and I don't know if I've left it too late. I would greatly appreciate any feedback. I was in law enforcement and a volunteer fire fighter so I've had to deal with and see things that no person should ever see.
