grieving alienated 20/F daughter

[TRYIN2]

Hi there to anyone,believe it or not this is my first post ever on anything.

Im a 46/M.Havent seen or spoken to my daughter since she was 16 and I yelled at her {lost temper} on the phone.approx 5 years ago.

I get some info on how she is and what shes doing from my mother who talks to her every now and then.This gives me a lot of hope I have tried to contact her a few times .she has blocked me on her phone ,sent back her 18th birthday card and present and mom only said the other day she never asks about you.

I thought I had grieved my daughters loss a couple of years ago when I started bursting into tears often while driving,then researched online and realised what was happening,with Fathers day I have been upset a lot again this year and got really anxious and then got angry.

I tried to put on a brave face when she told me she I would never see her again but it seems to have caught up with me with time.I have read a lot on the net on alienated children {which im certain has played the most part }and adopted the advice to look after myself,keep busy working so if she did ever want to reconcile I could be there for her in the best capacity.At least ive tried to.

I have made a lot of mistakes but to cut off all together doesnt seem fair,I dont think I deserve that,but understand {from what ive read on the subject]I can only "leave the door open"and pray that one day she will want some reconciliation.

Im looking for a conversation with some people of similar experiences to help each other out a bit with mutual tips and advice and understanding.

When you get a bit older and realise how precious and short life is.Knowing how every day without her is a day lost forever and how it could be ok if we could just talk,I believe that just one step ,one conversation and it would be ok.

I my other main issue is Im of the firm belief that I was in a relationship with a narcasist type of person,and that person is in my daughters life now and was in her childhood.im not qualified to tell you what type and level.Definetely a level above the average joe though and that was thirteen years ago.I havent been able to want or have a serious relationship since.Again I have seeked solace and comfort on the internet,knowing youre not robinson cruso and gaining an understanding of the behavours really helped.

I was just wondering if the grief ever stops or will it often raise its ugly head?

Wow that feels good to write,should have done it a long time ago.

[indigo22]

Hi TRYIN2,

I have been looking through recent posts and noticed you reached out again to Tony and Geoff. Tony is still here and may not have seen this post yet because we follow posts for a time, but given it has been a while, he is probably no longer following. If you want to get in touch with him, I would suggest starting a new post and mention White Knight in the title. I am very sorry to inform you that Geoff passed away a couple of months ago, he was the longest serving Champion on the forums (20 years) and helped a lot of people and will continue to do so when people read his posts. There is a tribute to him that you can visit if you wish, I am sorry but can't recall at this moment which part of the forum it is in, but you should find it by doing a search at the top of the page.

I am sorry to hear that your relationship with your daughter has not made progress, but don't give up hope completely, she is still young and if she has her own children in the future, it may help her to realise that parents are not perfect.

Take care,

indigo22

[PippiJanet]

I understand. I have not spoken to my daughter since I left my husband. Her decision. I did everything I could to contact her. It has been 4 years now. I feel so much grief. I identified as a mother and now it seems I am nobody. I can say that I have made some improvements in the last 2 years and feel that maybe it is possible to have a different life and identity. So hard but...