Feeling depressed knowing that my non-communicative husband will never change
Hi there and welcome to the beyond blue forums.
It is sad when you would like your partner to be able to show you some affection and you get nothing. Even if you were after some sort of emotional response and nothing happens. It doesn't seem too much to ask?
I wonder about the background of your husband? Was he taught not to show feelings? Is he just quiet? Workaholic? Something else?
The background doesn't matter too much except it might give you a point from which to start. I won't say too much about my own dad but was a combination of the above. To the point I used an emotion wheel a few times to get him to use some feeling words... about how he was feeling. And I think it fair to say he is from a generation where it was seen as weak to show feelings.
For myself it could be a fear of rejection. And here a conversation with your other half might be helpful if you use I based communication...
I feel... When this happens... I understand that you.... And if we....
That was something my psychologist told me about speaking with my wife.
Perhaps there are things you could do together? Date night? Even if it is at home.
What attracted you to him?
A random thought...
You said you were both busy in your lives so I would go so far as to say that his ability to be warm and affectionate has been somewhat lost. If that is or were the case then it would be a bit hard for him to do a 180 degree turn and become that. Not because he cannot, but it might not feel natural. So the question might be what small goals are achievable for him.
What about a date night of some sort?
What was he like when you met and before you were married?
My husband is not a good communicator either. Sometimes I get frustrated trying to carry on a conversation with him. Also he's admitted that he cannot give me the emotional support that I would like for my depression & anxiety.
However I've shifted my focus to other things that he does well. He takes care of a lot of things and he gets things done! I've learnt to appreciate the things that he does well to fill-in my gaps. Is this any help to you?