Feel like I’m crazy

[Sea_Turtle]

Hi this is my first time posting

currently I’m studying again ‘Diploma of community services’ which I’m really passionate about. But I just can’t get things right.

I have a complicated mental health history, having been an impatient at one time for about six months. It’s 2 years since I was unwell enough that it triggered the long stay. It was not my first one though.I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 17, but that wasn’t when problems started. Probably 10 years prior at least. As a child I had stomach pains and contamination fears really took hold at about 10. At 18 I was diagnosed with major depression and at 19 Anorexia.

I am so much better that I feel silly complaining. I don’t feel the depression any more, and I work all the time on my OCD, for the first time in my life I can pretty much do anything despite the OCD. But the ED, I can’t quite figure out, I was underweight and I still think about losing weight a lot, but I’m not underweight anymore, 

Just when I think I’m getting on top of things, then I’m not. My brain seems all over the place, sometimes it seems to physically speed up. My family can even tell that I’m sped up sometimes. I know bad eating habits don’t help, but I just feel out of control. I feel like a hypocrite studying to help people when I’m messed up.

[Karen0901]

Hi,

I had an eating disorder in the past and my sister battles with anorexia on and off. It's not something that has completely gone away. It something that she manages. I believe their is a helpline for eating disorders and a website. Butterfly.org.au

You mention that it seems like your brain speeds up. That sounds like mania to me. However, I have no experience with bipolar. I don't have it. I know of a few people who have it but I don't know them that well. It might be worth asking about though.

Don't feel like a hypocrite. I think a lot of people who have difficulties want to get into professions that help people. We know what it is like to struggle, so we want to relieve others pain, if we can. I think you will be great because you can empathize with them. You can use your own experiences to help them.

[Petal22]

Hi Sea Turtle,

Wellcome to our forums!

That’s great that you are studying again.

I understand how it feels to have our minds all over the place………..

I also suffered with OCD I have now recovered from this condition thanks to the professional help that I received.

I also experienced having a really fast brain at times when I was in the grips of the condition I just didn’t have the tools I needed at the time to learn how to slow it down.

BUT I did learn how to slow it down and I now can control where my attention goes…….. I have control……and I can now slow down my brain….. you can also learn how to do this……

Meditation is great and attention training…..

Our attention is like a muscle and it needs exercise.

An example of attention training is if I’m washing the dishes how does the water feel, what can I hear, what can I smell while I am washing the dishes and when I notice that my attention has wondered from the task at hand I then redirect my attention back to the task……….

Another example is our breathing put your attention on your breath when you notice that your attention has wondered put it back on your breath.

These exercises help you to exercise your attention and in time you will be able to slow down your brain and put your attention on what you want it on…

it takes practice.

Also practice just slowing down your breathing this will in turn slow down your brain.

Im sorry you also have a ED but you can learn to manage this too with the correct help.

Have you ever done any therapy for your ED?

I haven’t experienced an ED but I understand it would be difficult but if you have learned how to manage your OCD I believe you can learn how to manage your ED.

Please don’t feel like a hypocrite I understand that you want to help others and that’s great.

What you are going through now is temporary and you will learn to manage it with the correct help.

[geoff]

Hello Sea_Turtle, as you were diagnosed with OCD at 17, doesn't mean it wasn't slowly happening with you and didn't particularly notice it.

It can be possible to learn this illness, as it did with me, so as you had stomach aches and contamination issues, you slowly learn to not eat some foods in fear of becoming sick, so OCD can develop.

Studying other people is no different than a professional golfer watching another golfer play and may learn other tricks which may help you expand your theories.

Working on yout OCD is difficult, one moment you're anxious but as soon as you fulfil an obsession/compulsion then your anxiety lowers until it has to be done again.

It's a constant illness that can control your thinking, something that people who don't have it can understand.

Talk with a psychologist about what type of food bothers you so you can't eat it.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Sea_Turtle

Personally, I find you amazing, especially given how far you've come based on your past experiences. I hope you find yourself to be amazing. Wondering if you can redefine being 'messed up' to 'being in the process of trying to work yourself out'. A lot of people who are trying to work themselves out will testify as to how hard it can be and how ongoing it feels, with new challenges regularly coming up as they aim to raise themself through self awareness and self mastery.

Studying the many aspects of community service not only makes you amazing but it defines you as being a caring and compassionate person. We need more people like you in this world 🙂 I can't help but wonder whether some of what you're learning is triggering you to greater degrees of consciousness. Is some of it perhaps triggering you to wonder about yourself. For example, if in your course you touched on the topic of 'Hospitalisation in the way of mental health support', such a topic could lead to a lot of self questioning. 'Why was I there? What led me there? How did that stay define me? Was it a necessary part of my course in life? Who did I meet there who led me to a more productive life? How did everything start, that led me to that point?' and the list goes on. Could the course you're studying be leading you or pushing you to become far more conscious than you ever were before? Could the course be leading you to understand more about yourself?

On the physical side, could you be super sensitive to the chemistry in certain foods or drinks? Does your body only like more so unprocessed foods or foods that are purely organic, grown without pesticides in the soil? Does the energy or chemistry in your body speed up or slow down, creating a kind of hyper activity or lack of activity, when your diet changes? When you drink more water, a natural form of energy, do you feel more mentally and physically energetic or hyperactive? It's interesting to get a variety of takes on why people become vegan, for example. While some will say they chose this because they don't wish harm to animals, others will say 'It just worked out this way. I just follow what my body dictates works for me or doesn't work. I feel what works'. They filtered out all the stuff that never served them well. Some simply went with their gut, literally; 'My gut doesn't like meat or chemical pesticides'.

I've found mental hyperactivity can also speed things up to almost unbearable levels of physical activity.

[Sea_Turtle]

Thanks guys for your support

I do want to help others because I know how complicated life can get.

I do think about seeing a psychologist again on and off. I live in western NSW, I’ve had psychologists out here when I was younger, that didn’t seem to understand that my life was affected by OCD. One told my parents not to worry about possibilities around depression because OCD is about self preservation. Which is so not true.
I moved to the coast during my worst section and that was where I got help. But I’m back out west again. As through it all I managed to rekindle an amazing relationship with my parents.

I’ve always really struggled with mindfulness, sorry. I become stressed trying to do it.

Thank you for your kindness