Failing at Life

[dunno345]

Hi all,

Im 43, in a well paid job, own a lovely home, 12 year relationship.

Everything should be great, but i find feeling flat all the time, the only emotion I experience is anger and this is seriously affecting my relationship - my partner is ready to leave the relationship from constantly having to put up with my mood, I have always found it difficult to express my views without sounding arrogant or angry, so people tend to avoid conversation with me, and i usually end up talking in facts not feelings. With the exclusion of my partner I have 2 friends - one of whom has moved overseas, the other is interstate. I rarely speak to my family - my mum jokes if she speaks to me more than once every 2 months she thinks something is wrong.

I cant start anything new, if i do i expect to be automatically excellent at it - and as is normal when im not, I stop. This has been going on so long now, i automatically dismiss new experiances or learning things as I know I will fail.

I recognise this as depression as i have had episodes of this in the past. Im not good at talking about my feelings at the best of times, i get tounge tied and cant make people understand what im trying to say, i avoid eye contact and my face is often blank. I feel i wouldnt be missed if i wasnt around - my Facebook feed is more adverts than invites as is my email. I feel disappointed and angry at myself at feeling like this when there are homeless people, people who cant work etc and i have been lucky

Im not sure what im trying to say here - I should go and see a doctor, and a psych but I dont know how much that will help, if i cant feel a feeling i cant challange it. I feel like runnning away - which makes me angry as im not a kid - dropping out of everyones life to stop them being hurt

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi dunno345,

Welcome to the forums!

I hope you don't mind a young person jumping in here! I just saw your post and wanted to say hi.

I'm sorry that you're having a really tough time with things. It sounds like there's a lot that's kind of built up to this point and so I'm glad that you're here and reaching out for support.

I saw at the end of your post that you didn't know how a Doctor and a psych would help because if you can't feel a feeling you can't challenge it. Sometimes it's not always about identifying or feeling a feeling. Often with psychologists they just work with what information you can give them. If you're not able to identify or talk about things that's completely fine too.

Sometimes a psychologist might work on mindsets and thoughts; so you talked about needing to be automatically excellent at it; but of course nobody is automatically excellent at anything. So maybe it could be about finding where that belief came from and how to let it go. Or maybe it's finding out how to communicate your views without seeming angry.

They work with what they can, just like you do. The aim is that they can give you more techniques so that you feel more in control and less like you're failing at life. I know it can be incredibly hard to see a psychologist for the first time; but I do genuinely believe that they can help.

I hope that this helps a little, and that more people jump in on this thread so that you feel welcomed by BB.

[Mr_Walker]

Hi dunno345

I was in a VERY similar situation - your post could be describing me 10 years or so ago! While there's no reason the causes would be the same - my problems turned out to have been due to my upbringing - I had a very picky, perfectionist, critical, violent and angry father and I internalized all this criticism and expected myself to be brilliant at everything the first time I tried it - I also felt I had to be "right' all the time because if I was "wrong" I'd beat myself up about it - leading people to think I was being a know-it-all or that I was lecturing them - I was just sticking to topics where I knew I was totally correct..

Anyway, lots of therapy helped me - a lot of my anger was because I didn't know what was wrong or what to do about it... I would highly recommend talking to a therapist if you can...

Good luck, (and welcome!) J.