everyday the dinosaur

everyday · ‎24-04-2022

I had a minor stroke several years ago which affected the right side of my body. I am a self taught artist and lost the ability to pursue my dream of becoming a botanical illustrator. Shortly after I developed a severe form of arthritis. In recent years, I have developed tremors in my neck and left arm. The only way to get relief from tremors is sitting with my head on a pillow. I recently took up card making and have spent a fortune buying supplies that I just stare at all day as I've lost what little motivation I had to pursue it. I used to sew a lot, making artistic quilts, now all I can manage is making childrens dresses to donate to charity. I don't even feel like doing that anymore. I use to cook a lot but now live on prepared frozen meals. I do have a Support Worker twice a week (NDIS has been very helpful) and I try to spend some of the time on outings to local places just to sit and watch the world go by. I don't even want to do that anymore. I took up art journaling as a way to do art therapy (there are no art therapists near me so I have to go it alone). I lost my long term mental health counsellor last year and am having trouble feeling comfortable with his replacement. I HATE talking to GPs (they are more interested in money than health these days). I had my COVID vaccines last year which interfered with my arthritis medication and now I have chronic eye inflammation and repeated joint pain. My arthritis had been under control for several years before COVID. My GP gave me a referral to the RAH Neurological clinic to investigate my neck tremor but they kept giving me two days notice of appointments; I can't drive anymore and need to arrange a Support Worker to drive and to assist me through the mega-hospital. After several cancelled attempts, the RAH has cancelled my referral and taken me off the wait list. So I can't get medical help. I've now lost all interest in everything and I see no reason to keep living. I've got no-one to talk to that I trust and that I think can help, and I am stuck at home because I am afraid of getting COVID. What's the point???

Sophie_M · ‎24-04-2022

Hi everyday,

We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our community. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing your struggles - especially the pain you're expereincing around feeling as though you have lost interest in everything & struggling to see the reasons why you should keep on living.

We’ve also reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If think you could reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. Please don't hesitate to call us, or even call 000 (triple zero) if you think you may be at risk at any time.

We’d also really recommend having a look at our Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline (or us) and compete it with a counsellor over the phone if you'd like. We really want to support you and keep you safe.

Please keep sharing your words on our forums. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention and we think you will find great value in all of their kind and supportive responses.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

Croix · ‎24-04-2022

Dear Everyday~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here to the Forum. Actually I'm glad you have already met Sophie as she does give pretty good advice and options. Both the suicide Call Back Service and the BeyondNow safety plan are things I can personally recommend.

Life has certainly handed you a very hard time, first the stroke, then the arthritis, pain, tremors and eye problems together with adverse medication reactions. It has made you lose so much, both artistically and in terms of independence.

Now you have a mental health councilor who is sub-par and an unhelpful GP. Also a very frustrating time with the RAHN Clinic.

As a result of all this on your shoulders I'm not in the least surprised you have lost you drive and motivation, I felt the same when I was invalided out of my occupation, and like you thought nobody could help.

In my own case it came down to a process of tackling what turned out ot be depression brought on by circumstances - and a few other factors. As this improved so did my ability to cope - admittedly a long affair.

Still it ended up with me feeling in control and able to face what has seemed insuperable hurdles. You write well (if you do not mind me saying so) and I'm sure in better circumstances could deal with uncooperative clinics.

Pardon me for asking about thinks I'd expect you have already considered however having someone else mention them may spur a little motivation, I hope so.

First have you discussed this lack of motivation and the seeming pointlessness of life with your mental health councilor? Secondly is your 2 day support worker able to sort something out with the RAHN Clinic and transport?

Thirdly, and maybe of more importance long-term is a substitute for your original artistic dreams of being a botanical illustrator. This of course not only requires talent but infinite patience and exacting techniques. Is there any possibility you might be able to transfer from paper and pencils/ink/watercolor to digital art?

I noticed you made an avatar, even if it is a simple photo of an interesting object it might indicate to you a computer has surprising flexibility.

Again my apologies if I'm simply spouting the obvious.

I hope you continue to come here and we get to talk again

Croix

Petal22 · ‎24-04-2022

Hi everyday,

Well come to out forums.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way I understand that it would be difficult for you.

I understand that this change in your life has bought you alot of inner challenges, some times we ask why me?

How would you feel about joining a support group?

Or even join a group of ladies that enjoy sewing together, I sometimes go to my local shops and see a group of ladies in the food court sewing together, I think they are mainly there not to sew but to just have company and chat together.

I encourage you to try to get out and about a bit, it's not great for us to be at home all the time we need mental stimulation.

I understand you can't drive anymore, are you able to drive a gopher? I know its not a car but at least its a bit of transport so you can at least get outside.

Do you have any pets? Pets are a great comfort and their unconditional love gives us meaning.

Here to chat to you