Do you feel comfortable on the forum?

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I've just been having a look at some of the posts on the forum and have once again been aware that some people make a thread, post once and then we don't seem to hear from them again.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, I am just wondering why that might be the case.

Do any of you have any suggestions?

Can you think of ways people may feel encouraged to continue posting?

o you personally feel welcome on the forum?

Connecting with others on this forum can be so rewarding in many different ways.

I also realise a lot of people just read and don't post and that is okay as well.

Are there ways we can make people feel more welcome here?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and ideas.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Birdy

I think one great thing about this forum is that we can feel free to express our feelings.

Please do not feel foolish , I think that many people on here are sensitive and I think that is a wonderful emotion to have as it makes us caring and compassionate towards others.

As you can see you are very much valued and respected in the forum.

I find the care and wisdom in your posts so reassuring.

Take care

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Birdy,

Yes it's good to be back.

Foolish? Nope. Sensitive -likely.

What is the issue with sensitivity? Lets explore that.

Im highly srnsitive and therefore that downliads to reactivity. As sensitivity is part of our DNA (one good reason to accept it than let it eat you up) we can do nothing to change it. That leaves us with two choices-

• Go through our lives living with regret for our reactions and suffer the ramifications of guilt or
• Realise that a/ there is positives in being sensitive and b/ that people in general have flaws just as serious.

My wife and I do what we can to rescue injured animals (without too much commitment)...thats a result of sensitivity as is consideration, care and empathy.

People can suffer addictions, personality quirks, be selfish, cruel, fraudulent and so on...how does that compare to sensitivity? I'd rather be it!

One thing I've picked up over the years is "better to focus on what you have than what you dont". On the outside rim of friendships feels like you are left out. Rejected. Whereas often these small cliques are friendships lacking substance with just a feeding off each other event.

You are doing well Birdy. Naught to worry about but its ok to express...

TonyWK

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tess

Thanks for your explanation. What I am taking from your words is that you notice the clique operating on certain threads based on the way certain individuals interact with each other and in the way they don't interact with others outside the clique. Have I got this?

I will be on the look out for this behaviour, as I haven't yet experienced it and certainly would not want to unknowingly participate. Thanks so much for pointing this out. The wonderful thing about us humans is that we are always learning!

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi Birdy

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today. I've been thinking about you this morning and wanted to check in.

I think all the supportive comments that you've received are great and I echo them but won't repeat; however, I'd also like to make the point that if you are feeling distressed of that behaviour is bordering on bullying that you can always report the thread. I know you, you already know this. But I don't if you've ever done it.

I have reported a thread due to what I perceived as unnecessary conflict and I was worried about the perceived "victim". Yet, in the context of your post, I'm now looking back and wondering if popularity or cliques played a role and I just didn't pick it up. I honestly don't know. But at least now I'm aware of the issue and can look out for it.

Please don't ever let the behaviour of others take this place from you. You belong here and have much to contribute. Much better to do exactly what you've done, talk about it and try to make the forum a better place for everyone. Thank you for raising the issue.

Kind thoughts to you

[Tess2]

Hi,

for me this was just an observation. I think how you have put it is right. I do not expect a reply to every post, this is not a conversation as such and everyone has a different capacity in regard to this. I do not get offended if my name get left off a list in a response. And we all identify more with some than others.

As I said it was an observation I agree with Birdy s perception here. This forum is about supporting each other. It is just interesting to me that some posts attract a lot more attention than others, that probably just reflects what is going on in people’s lives at the time. I do not think it is deliberate or intended to be exclusive.

tess

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tess

I think you and I are a lot alike, as I also take no offence and never take Likes or non-mentions personally. But I'm so glad Birdy raised the issue as an important reminder that some people might.

Kind thoughts to you

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I have been away from the forums for a couple of weeks so it may take me a while to catch up with all that has been happening here.

Birdy thanks for bringing up this issue here. It is important that we are able to discuss how we feel.

All communities have their own cliques, we all form connections to different people. There are some people here on the forum who find great support and care by continuing to respond to each other.

We all communicate differently. Yes, it can be hurtful to see some people acknowledged and not yourself, I understand that.

Dear Birdy, you have helped myself and many others immensely, I thank you so much for all you offer here.

It is sad to think that anyone feels rejected, not acknowledged or validated here.

Wishing everyone a day where you can hold your head high and have a smile on your face!

Everyone matters.

Cheers from Dools

[sop]

The answer is yes and no.

• Yes, i can find some really helpful comments/ advice/ experiences/ insights from the replies I received. This is wonderful. The ‘tone’ of the discussion is generally warm, caring, respectful and non judgemental which is great.

• No, you can feel overwhelmed suffocated as some threads are super long over thousands posts. Not really sure where to start and some posts are written without paragraphs or spaces! It’s very intimidating to read. Not comfortable at all.

• To stay on the same page, you will need to read all the posts to understand what’s going on in order to participate the discussion. I have taken 2 hrs to read all these 47 posts from this thread. Not easy ....

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

Sop welcome and thanks so much for your thoughtful and detailed reply.

I do understand how overwhelming long threads can be. I usually read the first post by the person who started it and then fast forward to the most recent 3 or 4.

That is Greatthat you read all the posts on this thread and well done. if it is too much as I said read the first one and skim the others. The tile also gives a good idea what the post is about.

i am glad you feel the time of the conversations are caring respectful and nonjudgmental.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi sop,

I'm sure that everyone has their own way of connecting with and using the forum. Congratulations on having the ability to ready a whole thread! My goodness, that is an amazing quality to have.

My attention span and capability to remember what I have read does not stretch that far!

A bit like Quirky, I do not always read a whole page on a thread and may only pick up on certain bits of information that have been shared, that is just how my mind works and how I cope.

I know I generally write very long posts as well and do realise some people struggle with that.

It would be great if we had the capability to have headings, say like "Depression" or "Anxiety" and pin helpful information under each heading to save having to read screeds of information.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts sop!

Cheers all from Dools