Dealing with a partner who has depression

[Emma1418]

Hi, im struggling to deal with my partner who suffers from anxiety & depression. I want to be there for him but he doesn't like to talk about it much. It's affecting his life and now our relationship. Im open to talking to him about how he feels and why but he just deals with it in other ways. He doesn't want to be on anti-depressants anymore either. If you have a loved one in a similar situation, id love to chat. Its hard because I have no one I can really talk to about this. Thanks.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Emma1418, 

Supporting someone who is living with a mental illness can be really tough, we are sorry that you are going through this and that it is having an impact on your relationship. It sounds like you are a very caring person who want the best for them and the fact that you've sought help here proves that. 

We think a greta place to start is with the resources on our 'Supporting Someone' page. There is heaps of information and guides for how to start those conversations and what you can do. We also recommenf you check out the other conversations on the forums whcih you can find here.

If you ever just want to talk you can also call us anytime on 1300 22 4636 and the team will be able to give you some advice on how to best support your partner. It is also super important that you are looking after yourself too, they can help with that as well. 

Thank you for posting here today and hopefully there is something useful for you above. Please feel free to check back in and update us on how you go. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[smallwolf]

hi Emma1418 and welcome to the forum.

I don't have a loved one in a similar position... because I am the loved one. My wife has to put up with me.

On talking about it... this can be sometimes hard. Things that get us down or might ruminate on maybe "small" but our mind makes them much bigger and true. Something said to me will make me bad about myself, to failure, imposter, etc. These are not true, but are in those moments and longer. To tell your partner this is difficult as we expect perhaps the worst from our partner like "that should not get you upset" or "that all". Rather than face that possibility it is easier to keep quiet.

You also said "he just deals with it in other ways"... can you elaborate on this?

Does he talk to anyone about what he is going through? Like a counsellor or psychologist.

I can imagine it must be hard when you want to help him and support him and your offers are not accepted or rejected. The only advice I can offer is to remind him you are not going anywhere (assuming this is the case) and associated with this is i possible) is separating the person from their depression. For example, his behaviour is side-effect of depression and the real person is different. This can be difficult and frustrating...

My dad has issues also and there was a time (last year) when mum was getting upset and angry for various reasons. So the last part is making sure you have time for yourself and your own support group.

Hope this helps.