Hi Artemisia,
I'm sorry to hear that you've had a hard time these past few weeks. Even though we know factually and rationally that our lives are "easy," or that we are "lucky" in comparison to others (which may well be true), it doesn't do anything other than further punish ourselves for feeling bad, and make everything worse. Feeling bad for feeling bad! A terrible situation. I think that true gratitude for your lot in life is something that comes slower over time, and can't just be hammered into yourself by reminding yourself that your life is good on paper.
The fact that you already have a support network in place in the form of good friendships, a counsellor, and medication means that you have already invested so much time and energy in your own mental health. Nothing can take that away from you, no matter how bad you feel. You've established a "floor" for yourself, if you like, put in the hard work to set up a safety net around yourself. That doesn't mean that you'll always feel good, or even that it will seem like you're on a positive trajectory. But it does mean that you're well-equipped to handle this slump and this wave of anxiety.
Have you been able to talk to your counsellor about your work anxiety? It's not at all uncommon for physical illness to knock us off course mentally a bit. It sounds like some R&R is in order! Is there anything you usually do to snap yourself out of a funk? See a friend, take a small trip, watch a film or read a book?
Warmly,
Gems
