Confused In Life

[chaya22]

Hello Guys, I am relatively new here but I just wanted to share some of my own experiences and ask a few questions. My parents took a business to run ever since we came here to Australia (2012) and since then I haven't felt as happy or loved. I know they are running the business because of our family situation and we need the income it provides but this has led them to not spend time with me or my sibling except my sibling was old enough to take care of himself to some point. It's been 11 years but we have only spent time together as a family twice. I mean I know my parents are working day and night for us but sometimes I just wish they could spend more time with us.

Not only this but my relationship with my friends didn't go so well in high school that I had to change from my from a 4-year friend group. Although this has gotten better with my new friends, there are constant problems. I also like this person and they said they think they like me and I felt properly loved but it's just so frustrating because the person who likes me can't act the same in front of me as they do with their friends. They don't talk much at all and don't give me the chance to get to know them. I did say I will wait but I don't know what to do. What would you do? 

Anyways, right now I am in yr 12 and I am going to sit my HSC but I have no interest in the world around me. I don't know what to do in life. I have my exams in less than 6 months but I am failing half my subjects. The pressure from my brown parents is getting to me. They are setting expectations that are too much for me. At times they are pressuring me into telling me what course I want to study and then the next moment they say "It doesn't matter as long as you get a good ATAR". But what defines a GOOD ATAR? There is so much more I want to say but it's going to get boring so I will stop now...

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

Thank you for opening up and sharing your personal experiences with us. It takes a lot of courage to speak up, and I can sense that you are feeling overwhelmed by the challenges you are facing.

It must be hard to feel like you are missing out on quality time with your parents due to their business commitments - and the I would feel neglected and wanting more attention from them also . It is clear that they are working hard to provide for your family, it would also be nice if they were able to spend a little more time with you and your brother?

Academically...  I understand the pressure you feel from your parents about your academic performance and future plans. It can be overwhelming to have such high expectations placed upon you. But also know that your worth is not solely defined by your academic achievements or career path. Have you considered talking to school counsellors about what is happening for you. Or maybe Take some time to reflect on what truly interests you and what you are passionate about.  

(In my own life, I did not get the score I wanted in high school and went to TAFE next. Others that I know repeated year 12. Those who exceled at high school did not always do well. People take gap year(s) before Uni. All I am saying is there are plenty of alternatives. And perhaps the reason for the pressure from your parents is they don't want you to have to go through what they did. Might not seem like that?)

Please know that you are not alone in your struggles, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. Don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for help and guidance. If you don't feel there is anyone near you that you can talk you there is always Kids Helpline.

[geoff]

Hello chaya, the more pressure your parents put on you then you will not be able to achieve what you want, and yes what does a good atar mean, is it what your parents want, I probably would think so.

What if you get 90% and they expected 95% then they may be annoyed with you, what I learnt years ago is it's definitely not what your parents want, it's what you want, because one day you will be by yourself and need to be happy.

What I qualified for was nowhere the career I ended up doing and my parents were pleased after all.

You can alsotalk with counsellors at Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, chat or online 24/7.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[chaya22]

I am not sure what to do in life. It's as if there is nothing that suits me out there. I am too scared to talk to new people and I am so introverted. It's hard for me to start conversations. I have also been looking for jobs lately but I have been unsuccessful in nearly all of them. 

I really like sports and so I had an idea of wanting to do physio for uni but it has such a high ATAR and with my current level of studies, I feel as if I am not up to that same level. I get so nervous that people are always watching and expecting me to achieve something big. Especially something bigger than my brother because he was able to achieve a reasonably good mark and uni with the limited time and resources he had. 

[chaya22]

Thank you for your words but I am confused as to what I want to do even for myself. All I like is playing sports and doing photography which is more like a hobby.

[smallwolf]

I think it was a couple of years ago - it was reported in the local newspaper a kid (just finished high school) as was the smarted in the state (I think). You might think that this person would do something like medicine or engineering. Rather, he started a Arts degree because that was what he wanted to do. 

There are people who 

1. start one degree, and after two weeks change courses for one reason or another

2. get 90% of the way through a course and then decide they don't like it

there are other examples but my point I am trying to make here is to find a path that you like and something you want to do. Do you have career counsellors or similar at school? They might be able to give you advice in this area.

[chaya22]

Yeah, we have career councils but they were not of help when I went so I did not want to visit them ever again. Now I am having a meeting with my deputy because of my low grades. Isn't that wonderful? 

[smallwolf]

sorry to hear re the career counsellors.

when is the meeting with the deputy?

[chaya22]

I had all my talks done. One of them talked about my grades and how I can improve them even by few points. The other one said If I need any help or protection to come and talk to them. I guess things have been a bit easier since they know half of my current situation. 

Thank You for all the support.  

[quirkywords]

Chaya22

Thanks for the update on speeches. I am glad you feel things are easier since you have told people about your situation

Reaching out is hard. Year 12 is hard. .
There are people who know at age 15 what they want and others are 50 before they find the career they like.