Back Again

[Amuchbetterme]

Hi All,

I posted a bit earlier this year but starting again...

this year has made me really start to reassess things. I've lost some weight and have significantly cut back my drinking. Was at a bottle of wine most days to now almost no drinking at all.

That's been great but has really brought to the surface that I'm just not enjoying life right now. I have a great wife and amazing 2 boys yet I feel like my marriage is fizzling to us both very disconnected from each other, and my work is having far too much influence over my happiness affecting how truly present I am with my boys.

I miss the younger "uni days" version of myself that thrived off having fun with people. Laughing every day any my study was something I just fitted in between everything else.

Worst thing is I feel like I've been the luck one in so many aspects of my life so am almost angry at myself that I can't sort it myself.

Anyway, I have a GP appointment this week and hope to get a mental health plan in place so I can get time with a psychologist to help really address things.

I'm hopeful for a happier life - baby steps

[geoff]

Hello Amuchbetterme, well done for not only losing some weight but also to stop the drinking and can I ask whether or not your wife has a drink and if so, can certainly make your decision difficult.

To give up the alcohol, your life changes and begins to open up what the alcohol once has hidden from you, and it also alters how you are able to approach work, simply because when you go home, it's not having the usual drink but you have to find another way to relax.

Being at uni was another place where many people could enjoy themselves and have little responsibilities but then you meet someone, want to get married and then have kids.

Giving up means you need to develop another life, at one point, you're drinking and life revolves around this, as does with work, you look forward in getting home to have that drink, whereas now, you are a different person.

Please let us know how you get on with your appointment.

Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Amuchbetterme,

Welcome back to our forum. We are glad you've found the strength to participate here again.

As Geoff mentioned, it can be difficult when we start working on changing our patterns. The stimulous for our previous patterns are still there, so a part of the brain wants to return to that old, familiar way of reacting. Having people to communicate about what is going on does a lot to help us keep on working toward the new patterns which we want to develop.

Often, in our heads, we criticize ourselves because we are not automatically changing to the way we now want to be. It might help to remember that we are now working on shifting from former patterns which we built up over our life span, so we have the response built-in. The new response is not yet automatic, and like with the old pattern, we can only make it become automatic with regular repetition.

Please try to be patient and gentle with yourself whilst working through this process.

If you would like to talk to someone about your confusion, Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24 hours per day, every day of the year, on 1300 22 4636.

Please remember that we are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Amuchbetterme,

Welcome back!

So happy to know your progress, you've made great efforts and gained great achievements.

And it's absolutely right to engage GP and psychologist for your mental health, your marriage and your job. You're on the right track and obviously there is hope.

All you need is to stick on your plan and give yourself more time. Don't blame yourself you need to be proud of yourself. So take deep breath and move forward.

Mark

[Banksy92]

Hi Amuchbetterme,

Welcome back and congratulations on your journey to cut back drinking and lose weight. You should be really proud.

It's understandable that when we take away a coping mechanism like drinking, some of the stuff we may have been numbing or ignoring will bubble to the surface. It can take some work to acknowledge this and find a new healthier ways to cope but it is doable!

Seeing your GP is a great place to start. Let us know how you get on.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome back to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time at the moment. You are feeling exhausted and unhappy.

Unfortunately, life does change. Either for the better or worse. Nothing is ever going to stay the same and everyone is different in the way they adapt to the change. It is really great that you are going to see your local GP about your feelings. It takes so much courage to reach out for support and you should be very proud of yourself.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[Amuchbetterme]

Hi geoff, Sophie_M, Mark Z., Banksy92, and Sophia16,

Thanks so much for all your responses. Each week is a bit different. Haven't had a sip of alcohol for the past 20 days and have only drank 3 times in the last 6 weeks... I am really happy with my progress in this part of my life.

I'm definitely the problem solving type of person where I like to look at an issue and then fix it, and move on... While on the surface I know our minds are a lot more complex than that, I think it's my subconscious that's a bit more impatient... Having a few wines each night I think gave that buzz where time just passed by, taking away from worry, but then anxiety would rise it's head the next day.

This past week has been good but I think it's because work overall has been positive.

Where I'd love to get to is:

- I have a better way to manage work mentally and stop overthinking.

- my phone usage is significantly reduced (feel like I'm now getting headaches from it which may have been masked by drinking before)

- my marriage is way better and we enjoy life together a lot more

- I keep spending time with my kids, but a lot more mentally present.

All this is definitely more of a Program of Work rather than a 5 minute hack so I'll just need to be patient and take the wins along the way.

My GP appointment went fine last week. They have put me on a mental health plan, but I have to wait for a psychologist which is annoying. I have an appointment for mid July. Not ideal but can wait.. They have also put me on standby in case an appointment comes up earlier.

Apart from that probably the biggest thing that frustrates the hell out of me is the fact that I'm not actually happy most of the time. Honestly I've had a life that would be seen as perfect my many - great childhood with great parents wit a great roof over our heads, got to go to uni and have overall had a pretty good career and now am married with 2 kids. I know there's so many people out there that have dealt with so many hurdles in life that really deserve support before me.

Anyway, that's the latest from me. Thanks for reading and thanks all for your support!

[Mark Z.]

Hi Amuchbetterme,

I guess the reason why you're still not very happy is, despite you have had a great progress in past weeks, there's still a long way to go, comparing with your success in the past.

However from my view, what you are doing now is getting back on your feet in the face of adversity, which is harder than habitually going from one success to another in good times. You are becoming a stronger version of yourself.

And thank you, your self-reflection is inspiring, really great summary.

Mark