At such a loss

[Emma1968]

Firstly Thank you for taking the time out to read. 18months ago my family moved from an area whichbi had been for 15years. I had built a successful business and made many wonderful friends. The move was so that my husband could be closer to work. I have since fallen into a depression which is scary. I have such resentment and am not f financially in a position to do much about it. I feel isolated and trapped and just dont know what to do. I have just started on HRT for menopause as well. I have a teenager at home still and am doing my best but feel like I'm failing. No energy. Just sad all the time. I want to run but have no idea where to go.

[smallwolf]

Hi Emma1968,

welcome to beyond blue.

moving to a new place can be stressful and in your case it sounds like you had to close your business as well.

can I ask what the resentment is over? Was it the move? Or related the business?

are you able to talk to anyone about how you feel? your husband? Depression can make you feel isolated and trapped. I noticed the isolation aspect myself, feeling different to everyone else. Then as I spoke about it to some, I would get their stories as well and found out I was not so alone, and there were people who cared. This did not, or does not stop that feeling wanting to run away sometimes. I would use the word disappear to my psychologist.

And here you feel that you are not in a financial position to do much about it. While I do not know what resources are in your area, you could give Anglicare (or similar organisations a call, like UnitingCare) and these groups believe that mental health support should be available to everyone. For clinical psychologists who do not bulk bill, the cost also gets reduced if you get a mental health care plan from your GP.

I am just a male and some of the things you mentioned like depression can be a symptom as well. I get treated for haemochromatosis which also has depression and mood swings as symptoms. In your post there was a positive and hopefully soemething to take with you... you are doing the best you can. That is all anyone can do, you are only human. I would be hopeful that if you did ask your teen and husband for help, they would give you support?

Peace.

Tim

[white knight]

Hi Emma

Tim has asked some very relevant questions

It sounds good for you to commence a business before you developed depression. However, once you know you have depression, running your own business is far less ideal. A business locks you in, forces full commitment and a set amount of time and opening hours etc. These routines are not good for those of us that have good and then bad days. A bit like doing shift work starting at midnight when your body clock tells you to sleep. So your business then becomes torturous.

Therefore my suggestion is to sit down with your husband and work on an exit strategy of your business. If you decide that, then after some recovery time you might consider part time employee work. I ran my own investigation business for 18 years. The stress led to psychotic events, basically a mental collapse. Prevention is better than cure.

This restriction for us is not dependent on positive thinking of which I have practiced for 40 years now. Positive thinking helps when in recovery mode, but all the positivity you can muster wont prevent depression. It's a good backup when it can work.

Other reactions can work against you. Like worry. Read this one-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/the-financial-world-of-snakes-and-ladders#qjHGKXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation#qjLqEHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

I hope you pick up soon. Repost when you feel like it.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Emma

So sorry to hear you're feeling so much pain. There can indeed be much sorrow in leaving things behind.

Wondering if your child is struggling in any way too. Is there a possibility the 2 of you can work together (you and your child) to master the overwhelming challenges that can come with such an upheaval? Personally, I have 2 amazing teenagers. They know how I tick and what gets me motivated. They can be incredibly gentle with their guidance at times and at other times be the brutal (truthful) life coaches I need when I'm lacking inspiration and drive. I listen very carefully to much of what comes out of their mouths. Some may suggest having your kids be your life coaches is pretty strange but I insist that the bonus is that they're still at a stage in life where they have new ways of seeing things, a degree of flexibility and the ability to listen to whatever inspirational ideas come into their head. Sometimes I just have to let go of resisting their sage advice, when the beliefs in my head threaten to get in the way. Kids can be truly amazing, especially when you face challenges together with them (share some of those same challenges).

Being interdependent when raising each other of course means not being fully dependent on someone. The giving aspect goes back and forth so that we grow together. We raise kids (to meet their potential) and if we're willing to let them, they raise us too. They grow through our ability to allow them to grow in such a way. Before we know it, they've grown to become naturally powerful giving people (powerful enough to raise the consciousness of their own parents).

From giving birth, to changing nappies, to figuring out which school they're going to go to, sometimes we can look back and realise our child's existence has been raising us to meet challenges, the whole time, without us even realising. Here we stand as mothers, more powerful than we were before they were born. We have become amazing because of those little ones we so deeply love. They have shown us our power to rise to just about any challenge that comes our way.

🙂