Anyone else struggling with religious trauma?

[warriorprincess]

Hi everyone,

Does anyone else have experience with coming out of a religious cult and undoing the damage that it did and with struggling with religious trauma and complex ptsd?

I came out of a religious cult 5 years ago while I was battling serious chronic illness (I was bedridden for two years) and its left me with a ton of trauma that impacts my life a lot. Everything to do with religion and God and all that is very painful and triggering. It's only over time that I've gradually become aware of the spiritual and emotional abuse, the brainwashing, the control, the lies, and everything else that goes with being in a religious cult. I was a kid, I was raised in it. That's 14 of the most formative years of my life. 

I gave up on my faith but even that is traumatising because its your whole world, community, identity, and everything. 

I am scared, tbh. And broken hearted. I feel so lonely and alone. 

Is there anyone else who has gone through something similar to this? Honestly, I really need people to talk to. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I"d like to give you a warm welcome to hte Forum and let you know you are not alone.

No longer being part of a religious cult is no easy thing. For a start those that professed to love you now shun you. The values and rules you were taught, many with a religious foundation, no longer seem to apply, and perhaps worst is lack of ability to trust, having been so thoroughly betrayed

I remember talking to some people in the past but could not single out one that would be particularly helpful to you, so instead I would use the search function built into the  Forum (it is the spyglass towards the top of the page) and search for the word "Jehovah" (no quotes)

Even though your religious group may not be called that you will find 2 pages of discussions, mostly on the same sort of problems you have.

I'm also sorry that you have that chronic physical condition, something that does not help, now you need broad horizons and the rich diversity of of the world, and by the sound of it your movements are limited.

To get over the things that were done to the young you wil of course take time, however you have realised what happened, and that is a huge step to take.

Is there anyone in whom you do have confidence, and whose judgment seems sound?

Please do not be down-hearted about your past and the effect it had on you. Now you will end up a much wiser person - something to be admired

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[warriorprincess]

Hi Croix,

I appreciate your message so much, thank you. Knowing that I'm always welcome here honestly means so much because I feel so alone. 

I'll for sure check out the posts you suggested, thank you. 

Just to clarify, I am no longer bedridden thank goodness. My physical health is much better now and I do live independently. But my mental and emotional health is a nightmare sometimes, especially the complex PTSD which has been pretty bad lately. I also have a lot of regret and guilt over some pretty bad decisions I made during lockdown when my mental health was so bad... It got so bad that I was self harming and suicidal. And so much guilt over religious stuff, particularly leaving my faith and God and stuff. I don't know what to do with that. I'm scared. I've got so much trauma from the cult and from religious stuff, it's awful. I wish I had never been in the cult but I was a kid, what choice did I have? 

I'm exploring other expressions of spirituality atm so that's good. 

I've been working with a trauma therapist for a couple years now and that's helped me so much and continues to. 

I was reminded today that the darkest hour comes before dawn. 

Courage and hope.

Warrior Princess 

[sbella02]

Warriorprincess, I like your username, and I'd like to think that it aligns well with your strength in opening up to us here. Welcome to the forums, I hope you can find some comfort here. I'm so sorry to hear that you've gone through this traumatic experience. While it's good to hear that you're no longer in the midst of it, I can see how the trauma would still be casting a shadow in your life.

You may find that you're going through a kind of grieving process that can be very conflicting - while you may find that you miss some aspects, like the sense of community, there is also understandably a lot of pain associated with the experience that makes it hurt to look back on.

I grew up going to a religious school, which offered me a taste of religion that I didn't particularly enjoy. It didn't feel like something I wanted to be a part of, or something that served me very well. I saw and heard things that didn't sit right with me, and saw contradictions everywhere. 

There are many interviews online with people who have survived religious cults that may be very healing for you. YouTube can be a good place to start if this is something you'd be interested in, and would feel comfortable viewing. You may find that you relate to the experiences of the speakers, which can feel very unifying in something that can be very lonely. 

If you're finding yourself missing the sense of community, there are other clubs and groups that you can join that are not centered around religion - sporting clubs, groups based on your interests like reading, etc. Facebook can be a good place to start if you're looking for places to connect with people, or even forums on sites like Reddit and Discord, provided you're being safe and careful online.

Otherwise, there may be support groups that you can join for people who have experiences similar traumas to yourself regarding religion. If you have a GP or would be open to seeing a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist, they may be able to point you in the right direction to find these support groups, and even offer some valuable professional advice and an ear to listen if you feel like you need to talk through your experiences.

Do you have people around you who you can turn to and confide in at the moment? Any friends, family, colleagues or loved ones who look out for you and enjoy your company? Social support can be very healing in itself.

Please feel free to keep chatting with us if you'd like, we're here to support you through this. 

Take care, SB