Dear 1ofininfluence
Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a great place to talk about the things that bother you, and perhaps pick up tips from others who have also walked this path.
You believe you have your symptoms under control and then find all is not as well as you supposed. Yes, I would say most of us here would have/now have these difficulties. Whether it is a clinical anxiety or depression I don't know but certainly it sounds like the path you are on.
Unfortunately having a strong mind does not often work. I find Christian meditation very helpful and I know there is a similar meditation for Buddhists. It does help to find a space where you can just be. No pressures because you, are for that short time, being within yourself.
Have you heard of neuroplasticity? Look it up as I think with your knowledge of Buddhism you may relate to this. The most well known book on this is The Brain that Changes Itself written by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. It works on the principle that we create pathways in the brain by frequently repeating actions which with repetition become more easily accessible. These become our default actions even when we do not realise what is happening.
These pathways can be changed by consistently and consciously taking other actions and making them the default path while the original path becomes 'overgrown'. I think this is what happens to some extent in therapy as we learn other other ways to manage and practice them.
Please continue to post here. I expect others will be here to answer you also.
Mary
