Admission of lies

[Dash13]

Good morning everyone. I’m a newbie and I’m here to change my life. I need to stop my lying but more importantly repair the damage I’m causing to those I love.

I recently separated and I re-partnered. My marriage was one that was full of lies yet I struggled to let it go. This was an issue for me in the new relationship, with whom I started lying to. I broke off the new one, explored options of fixing the old one, all the while no truth about what I was doing was given. Of course, I got caught out by my new partner. Btw, they are an amazing person who knows and cares deeply for me, however I think that is now lost.

In a major step to clean out the lie locker, I provided the old partner from my marriage every detail of my lying to them, including indiscretions of infidelity and my intentions with my new partner. I needed a clean break. Of course this has caused a lot of chaos.

Now for my new partner who I don’t want to lose, I have squarely lost their trust. I’m not certain of things, I’m very nervous, but I want to pull out all stops to make myself better and trustworthy again.

I look forward to being part of this forum to read your stories and perhaps learn for myself how to end this behaviour with the hope of a future with my amazing new partner.

[quirkywords]

I want to welcome you, Dash to the forum. This is a friendly and support place full of nonjudgmental people.

You have insight now into your lies and have written a very honest post.

I have told lies in my past and it can become a habit that is hard to break.

I have learnt that I need to accept responsibility for what I have done and apologise sincerely.

Sometimes writing a letter to the person that was hurt by lies.

Once you have broken someone's trust and promised not to ever lie again, you need to keep that promise because if you lie again you wont be trusted again.

Being dependable and open about all you do is also important.

Have you thought about seeing a counsellor.?

Once again welcome the forum, and I hope you can rebuild your relationship with your new partner.

Quirky

[Dash13]

Gday Quirky. Thank you for your response.

i do have a counselling and I’m thinking of getting a strategy that unpicks why I lie. Once I’ve somewhat hopefully gotten myself better through that, I’m thinking getting a life coach to rebuild myself.

ive now further confessed my lies to my parents and siblings, just so they know the true person that I am. I could not have them making a decision about supporting me or sticking their necks out for me if they don’t know who I truly am. It has been a huge burden to lift and it feels right while there is still no good feeling about it.

im hopeful that the help will come and assist with developing strategies and delving into roof causes so I can rebuild and move on with a better me.

[geoff]

Hello Dash, and welcome to the forums.

Lies are used to cover up the truth so partners begin to wonder what is really the truth, we all know this, but not when it’s done to protect the feelings of another person because each time you make a white lie, you are doing damage to the relationship but more often than not, it was effective enough to keep you out of trouble.

That's the biggest hurdle to conquer but with confidence and support, you're on your way to achieving what you want.

My best.

Geoff.