51yrs of an unwanted fiend

[Ymeee]

As the title mentions, Im a 51yr old woman that has crossed paths with depression/ anxiety and low self worth many times in my life and here comes, that cross road again, just when I seem to have my life in order and, just when I think I can “read the signs” of my depression and act accordingly to it. It’s like it manifests itself in a different form and I’m back again to square one only on a different square to which I’m not familiar with. I’m currently on the depression side of the fence, right now. Nothing is making science to me, only negative thoughts do. I can’t make a rational choice when it comes to my daily life. I have always been an independent woman but now I have become so dependent with my partner right now. My thoughts are not like my usual “positive” thoughts that Keep my depression at bay. I can’t even hear them anymore. Everything is dark in my mind. I can’t stop apologising to everyone for no reason. This is the worst bat of depression, I have ever experienced. Hence, why I’m here right now. 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Ymeee,

I'm so sorry, it must be so hard for you.

You don't have to apologise, it's not your fault at all, it's not you but your mental illness. And it's ok to be dependent with your partner because you do need love, care and support at this moment. And I believe your partner will be happy that he could help.

I also want to encourage you to actively seek professional support starting from your GP, especially when you feel you can't walk out of the shadows on your own. Don't hesitate, make an appointment, talk to your doctor and make a plan. If you're already on your way of professional treatment and if you feel comfortable, please share the progress.

Hope everything will be better.

Mark