wanting to stop feeling so depressed and anxious all the time

[JDuncs]

hey guys, im 23 years old and since finishing year 12 (so 18 years old) i have been suffering a lot from depression and anxiety. In my early stages of life i suffered through the divorce of my parents which they argued all the time, to the loss of my mother at 10 years old and to living with and dealing with my father who was a pedophile until the age of 14 when he was finally taken to jail. So ever since then i have known exactly what not to be, to be a rightous person but i have always wanted to live up to the expectations my mother would have wanted for me. Since i have never been shown anything in life, even after coming to live with my grandparents, i have really struggled with figuring out how i should be going about my life. I am grateful that ive gone through my studies to be an electrician and to have a decent job, but i still feel like i am lacking all the knowledge, self awarness and mentorship to just be able to go through life. Some days im feeling good but 90% of the time its a real struggle, and that 90% increases as life goes on so im hoping but posting something like this i'll be able to find some sort of guidance or help so i can finally leave this prison cell of depression. 

[smallwolf]

Hello,

You have had a lot to deal with in your life so far - with the death of your mother and the actions of your father. I am unsure of what has been going through your mind in between whenever and now. And you are here now (aged 23) wondering about yourself. Here is what I can see from your post ...

• you write well
• able to practice gratitude (re studies)
• motivated (see electrical studies)
• that you are questioning your actions is OK after what you have nee through. You could have gone in the opposite direction and not cared all all.
• You are a caring person (because of previous point)
• You want to make your mother proud

Here are some questions for you ... and you do not have to answer here - do you show respect to others? are you honest? do you do the best you can? 

Maybe you are trying to overcompensate because of your childhood experiences? I don't know. 

One thing I can say is that you have come a long way given what you have gone through. That you can write about it and share that story here is brave and courageous. I once has to write a letter to my younger self to tell myself know how things have turned out OK - this was at the suggestion of my psychologist. It helped me. It might work for you.

[jaz28]

Hi JDuncs,

I am sorry you have been through such a hard time, that must have been very difficult for you. I just wanted to say that you have done pretty well for yourself considering everything and you should be VERY PROUD. I am sure your mother would be very proud of you. From what you have written, you seem to have your head screwed on straight and thrived in the face of adversity - that is an excellent ability to have, although sad to have gained.

Have you spoken to a mental health professional about this? It would probably help you find what you feel is lacking.

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[JDuncs]

Thank you and i appreciate you kind words!

[JDuncs]

Thank you and i appreciate your kind words, seeing a professional is my next step to recovery and its definetly something thats been on my mind for a while.