Worse not better?

[Zazu]

Hello,

New to all of this.

Went to docs for first time about mental health about two months ago. She put me on an SSRI and said no need to refer to talk to someone. One check up later, said to stick with the meds and still no need to refer me to someone to talk.

My fiance has said I'm worse now with the meds. I know the first six or so weeks can be tough, but shouldn't it have settled by now?

At the moment I'm hiding out in the bathroom after arguing with both my partner and mum this afternoon... My guilt over everything, my tendency to assume, overreact and think the worst and blame myself for everything that's gone wrong, ever, is taking over. My head won't shut up. I'm still having trouble sleeping.

Is this normal still after two months? Do I just need to ride it out, or is it time to give up on the tablets? Doctor wasn't that interested last time I went in, so unsure what to do, am I just overreacting as usual?

[Lici]

Hi Zazu,

I'm sorry to hear about your day! I'm glad your dog is ok!

When it comes to your mother, I'll tell you something that I told a friend today that took me a long time to learn. My mother is sometimes insufferable. She's done what you describe many times in my life and it used to make me feel depressed and like I was a horrible person. Then one day in therapy my psychologist said something that's helped me deal with my mum ever since.

what your mother says and does is a reflection on her issues within herself and not a reflection on you as a person.

After hearing that and realising that my mother has her own mental health issues which she takes out on her kids I stopped feeling like crap every time she lashes out. You are not a bad person and if your mum is making you feel bad then it's a reflection on her. You don't owe her anything for being born. You didn't make the decision for her to give birth and have children, she did. You are not responsible for her happiness. You're responsible for your own. Her need to feel wanted and needed is her own issue not yours. If you no longer live at home then she needs to find something that will fulfill her needs in life like volunteering etc.

Accidents happen and scratching a car is not the worse thing in the world. I'm not sure of your situation, but are you really solely responsible for making you broke? If you're in a relationship, then I'm pretty sure there's two people who both contribute to finances.

I know how hard negative thoughts can be to get out of, but take some breaths and ask yourself how true your thoughts really are. What evidence do you have for them? What evidence do you have against them? And what alternative explanations could there be? This is a bit of cognitive behaviour therapy that I find really helps with my anxiety. I hope it helps you too.

Good luck with your exams. I have three starting in 3 weeks time so I feel your pain there!

You have reasons to stay around. Please call the help lines if you're feeling that way. Talking to someone really helps.

Kind thoughts,

Lici

[Zazu]

Thanks again Lici. Good luck with your exams!

The financial stuff kind of is on me... I started my own business about 1.5 years ago which hurts during start up. It should get better, but in the meantime it's not easy.

I spoke with the psychologist for the first time over the weekend. Strange experience, I liked her. She's quite a positive person and was good with both acknowledging there are problems and at the same time making me think it can get better.

In the meantime my GP has been on leave and I went to another GP in same clinics to get my script. My normal GP was planning to wean me off the AD meds soon, but the GP that I saw decided to do that now and put me on different ones, at a higher dose, in a few days. I'm feeling unsure about this, it was the first time I saw her and she only read my notes for a minute. However no choice as I ran out of my original tablets this morning. Hoping the change in medications doesn't go against what my normal GP had planned..

[Lici]

Hey Zazu 😊

Thanks! I'm pretty sure I'll do fine on exams but it doesn't stop the anxiety telling me different!

I've studied business so I do understand that the initial start up is costly and that you can run at a loss for a while, but the fact that you've taken the initiative to start your own business and create your own income is a positive thing! Not many people have that initiative and not many people stick with it long enough to see the benefits. I know it's hard sometimes, but concentrate on those positives!

I'm glad to hear that you like your psychologist! They really can give you a objective view of a situation that you can't see yourself and that in itself is a huge help I think. If there's one thing that I've learnt from my time in therapy it's that things can definitely get better, especially if you put in the effort to put what the psychologist teaches you into practice.

I'm not sure what to say about the change in meds to be honest. I've personally had some bad experiences changing meds quickly like that but I also know people who have had good experiences. I guess my advice would be to make sure that if anything doesn't feel right when it comes to changing over then go back to the gp to discuss it. Discontinuation syndrome can be a thing with ADs as well so definitely discuss your concerns with the gp, and your psychologist as well. They'll have some knowledge of the medication and it's always good to let them know of whatever meds you're on so they can know what's side effects and what isn't etc.

I'm really glad to read that things are a little more positive for you.

Kind regards,

Lici