Worse not better?

[Zazu]

Hello,

New to all of this.

Went to docs for first time about mental health about two months ago. She put me on an SSRI and said no need to refer to talk to someone. One check up later, said to stick with the meds and still no need to refer me to someone to talk.

My fiance has said I'm worse now with the meds. I know the first six or so weeks can be tough, but shouldn't it have settled by now?

At the moment I'm hiding out in the bathroom after arguing with both my partner and mum this afternoon... My guilt over everything, my tendency to assume, overreact and think the worst and blame myself for everything that's gone wrong, ever, is taking over. My head won't shut up. I'm still having trouble sleeping.

Is this normal still after two months? Do I just need to ride it out, or is it time to give up on the tablets? Doctor wasn't that interested last time I went in, so unsure what to do, am I just overreacting as usual?

[Lici]

Hi Zazu,

First up, I'd like to start by saying welcome to the forums! It's a super supportive community so I hope you stay around!

ssri's can have side effects that last for a bit longer than the six weeks so it may still calm down for you. I will say though that it's really not up to your doctor whether you need to talk to a psychologist or counselor etc, that's up to you. If you feel like talking to a psychologist will be helpful then don't take no for an answer, and if that GP won't write a referral, then find someone else. No-one knows your mind, only yourself. So only you can say what you'll find helpful.

I don't advise to stop taking the tablets suddenly though, it can make you feel really sick and have adverse effects. I really think the best option would be to either demand to your current GP to see someone to talk to (if you really feel that this will be helpful) or find another GP if your current one isn't listening to you. There is no rulebook saying that you have to see a GP if they're not helping after all.

Keep me updated on how things go for you. Hopefully you'll get everything sorted out soon! It can be really scary not knowing if your reactions are yours or because of medication.

Kind regards,

Lici

[Ggrand]

Hello Zazu,

Welcome to the BB Forums.

Im sorry your struggling so much with your mads and mental health.

The AD meds takes time to work, my psych told me 6-8 weeks before I felt the benefits, I also went back after two weeks and told them there not working, I was told to continue on them, it took nearly 8 weeks for mine to take effect..They are different for everyone.

Is it possible if your not happy with your gp to try another one, or when you see your one next ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. My first lot of ADs was prescribed by my gp and they never worked, I tried 3 different types before I was referred to a psychiatrist, Then my psychiatrist asked heaps of questions and put me on a different med, that I feel is helping me now..I would definitely ty another gp if mine didn't seem interested.

When you start thinking negative thoughts about yourself can you try some type of distraction to change your thought pattern..What I'm trying to say, that if you can do something that you enjoy doing or even internet games ,or reading, when your negative thoughts start, it will stop your negativity, because your concerntration is on doing something else...Meditation is also beneficial as with an instrumental, listing to one instrument only and following it throughout the song. earphone in is really good if you have them...This helps to give your mind a break..

I have an extremely chatty mind, especially at night, that's when I do a guided meditation followed by an instrumental..There are a lot of apps that offer great meditation...just a few I can remember and use are....(calm...headspace..insight timer)..These are free and helpful at times of high anxiety..

Please don't just stop taking the tablets, you need to be weaned of under the guidance of you Gp..

This is your thread, and please feel free to post. vent or talk any time you feel up to it..I'm sure some more wonderful people will call in to also offer some suggestions and advise for you as well

Warm and caring thoughts,

Grandy..

[Zazu]

What a difference a different doctor makes.

Went to a new GP, who talked me through a lot of things, did some forms with me, and said that he needs to think about and review things before chucking me on medication. Felt much more thorough, and I'll be back in a week. Staying on current tabs for now, but likely not for long as he said he doesn't think it's the right thing but it's not doing harm for now.

Didnt want to diagnose today, but said after another session and some thought he should be able to come up with a plan for me.

[Ggrand]

Hello Zazu,

Thank you very much for coming back to let us know how your doing..

It made me so very happy that you went to another gp and this one listened and is doing all he can to help you.. and will be working out with your needs a Mental Health Care Plan,, I'm very proud of you for not giving up seeking out help..Well done..

Please Zazu, be kind, gentle and caring to yourself, you deserve it so much...looking forward to hearing from you anytime..for a chat, talk, update when ever you feel like or if you feel like doing so....

Warm and caring thoughts,

Grandy..

[Zazu]

Bit of an update as I'm feeling a little raw tonight, just want to write it out.

GP has been great, finished the mental health plan thing today and referred me to a psychologist. Staying on the SSRI med for now but wants to get me off it soon as he's thinking it's not right.

He gave me a copy of the report, and seeing this stuff written down is a little confronting. Also hearing him actually confirm that my thoughts aren't 'normal' and especially when he spoke with me about emergency help should I need it. I never thought of this that way, I always thought if I got that low... Oh well, that's just how it'll be. Ive been close. Feels weird to have someone say it out loud and say it's not normal, but it's ok to get help. Getting honest with him on a lot of things, there's some stuff I can't yet say out loud. A couple of little fibs when he asked me questions and I just couldn't say the truth yet. Feel bad and dishonest for holding back, worried he'll feel betrayed if it all comes out in the wash, he's been awesome, but some stuff... I just couldn't.

I still feel incredibly selfish for going through this process, there are so many people that need help more than I, and I'm taking up valuable time and resources. Feel a bit like a phony. Thinking am I just overreacting as usual? Am I just attention seeking? Should I just get over it?

Midnight tired rants.

[Ggrand]

Hello Zazu,

Thank you so very much for the update..Its okay I think to tell little fibs as long as they aren't detrimental to you Mental Health..But in saying that it's always best to be as honest as you can when you see your gp.. once your comfortable with him you will slowly feel more confident to open up a little more as you go...

Getting your Mental Health plan underway is good to hear, because now you can start your wellness journey..

Your Mental Health issues are important to you and they are real, seeing it all written down on the care plan is confronting, but also validates your struggles.. Please don't ever think your mh problems are not as important as the next person because they are....you are important please remember that always.....You are not seeking attention at all nor are you overreacting, you have mh problems that needs address and fixing...and I'm hoping for you a reasonably fast recovery..

Thank you again for the update and please look after yourself and try to get some good sleep tonight.. looking forward to hearing from you again when you feel up to posting..Well done on your achievements..

Warm and caring thoughts.

Grandy..

[Zazu]

Thank you Grandy 🙂

Here just to write it out, safe place and all that.

I'm guessing that finally doing something about all of this is going to be stirring a lot of stuff up, and maybe things will get worse before getting better. The last 24 hours have been a rollercoaster in my head so I'm all over the place... Back to sad music (cue Linkin Park) and even not keeping food down (calorie control, right).

At least I know I'm doing something about it, but part of me is attached to the darkness and wants it to stay, it's comfortable there. It's like the thought of fixing that part of me and getting help is taking something away that's mine and I'm pushing back and almost fighting to keep it.

Writing it out helps.

[Lici]

Hi Zazu,

Sorry it's taken me a while to check in and see how you're going. Sometimes I won't reply even though I'll read because I don't feel like I have anything to contribute. I do still read though.

I'm glad to see that you've got a mental health plan sorted out. please don't think that you're taking resources away from other people, mental health plans don't work that way, they're not a finite resource that will run out. They're given to whoever needs it. As Grandy said, your mental health issues and your feelings are as important as the next person's.

Going to see a psychologist to work through things can be very confronting and emotional, it brings up old wounds and it can certainly feel like it's making things worse at times, but it does get better. After a while you work through the issues and you come out the other side with better coping strategies.

I personally listen to linkin park etc all the time, rock/ metal is my go to music. I find that the lyrics help remind me that I'm not alone in the way I feel. It helps me feel better. Maybe that's why you're listening to it as well?

I understand what you mean about being comfortable in the darkness and being attached. It's scary to think that you might not be who you are now if you work through the issues. I know for me, I didn't change once I worked through a lot of the stuff, I was still fundamentally myself, I just came out a little stronger and a little wiser with better ways of handling stuff. I'm sure you'll come out of it all the same!

You should be really proud of yourself. It takes a lot of guts to admit there's something wrong to yourself and go and seek help. It's an enormously brave thing to do!

Kind regards,

Lici

[Zazu]

Thank you Lici 🙂

When in rains it pours, and I'm back for another vent. I promise soon I'll start contributing to supporting others, instead of just coming here for me.

My dogs had a fight this morning, ending with one of them in surgery today. She will.be ok, she's home now and doing well but had me.worried. and cost heaps in vet bills.

If that wasn't enough, my mother decides today is.a great day to.pick a fight, bringing up all the things I've done to hurt her for the past however many years and how I make her feel like a worthless piece of crap all the time and she needs to feel wanted and I don't give that to her any more. It's the first time in a long time I thought, it's time to update the will, make sure everything's in order because I don't want to be here any more. All I do is stuff up and hurt people. I even scratched the car at the vets, which got the fiance pretty grumpy, as well as him now talking about selling one of his houses as I've made us broke, and I managed to let a client down as well so now I'll earn even less money. Yay for me today.

Uni exams tomorrow, let's see what else I can stuff up.