Why am I on medication

[Loula]

I've just started medication for bipolar and I'm not liking it. 

For starters I can't swallow pills and it tastes like fish! I hate having to get weekly blood tests. I hate hate hate that my husband asks me every day if I'm taking it! I'm not brain dead I'm just unwell, I can remember to take my pills! 

Ive been on it for nearly two weeks and it's just turned me into a crying mess! I cry 3 times a day and I have fear in me now! I'm though taking pain killers everyday to help get me through work and I need to take up to 3 sleeping pills to sleep and I only get 5 hours sleep! I swear it's not working and everyone says give it time. But I'm over giving things time I just want something to work out for once! 

I'm also on one of my highs and just want to go crazy even though I know everything I do will ruin my life. But then I think mabye I'm meant to go crazy. Mabye if I do these crazy things even though I lose everything I might be happy.

i also think mabye my brain is meant to be crazy. Mabye I'm not meant to be normal and healthy.  Mabye I shouldn't be married. Mabye I'm meant to be alone. Mabye I'm meant to suck at life.

why am I on the pills? I'm not worthy of the normal lifestyle. 

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Loula,

It can take a while for medication to settle and really start working for you. I think they say the average is around three weeks?
I know it seems like he might be nagging, but your husband just wants you to feel the benefits of the meds. He wants you to be happy.

These thoughts you are having about not deserving a good life etc are just thoughts, you do deserve a happy life and a happy marriage. You got married for a reason, hopefully that reason is because you love your husband. That reason is still there. 

I cry a couple of times a day too at the moment, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to be happy.

Are you trying any complimentary therapy like meditation or anything?
Sometimes when I get scared I just need to do something to calm my mind and breathing exercises seem to work ok most of the time. Might be worth seeing if something like that works for you.

We all want there to be a magic solution to get rid of whats going on with us. But what really works is effort. You've made the effort to see your GP, you've made the effort to start meds.
You're already so close, don't give up on it now.

Have you got a plan for when you are on a high so you can focus your energy? 

[Imarni]

What's a normal lifestyle anyway? I was hospitalized and on meds 2 weeks back I went off them I am also bi polar it's easy for everyone to say take meds I had a week long migraine on mine and massive spike in blood pressure that didn't change I reduced meds and thought stuff it going off SNRI whilst discontinuation symptoms be minimal.  Now I feel not awesome but I know what they will say so I'm sitting firm in defiance!!! I can do this with no meds!

[Mummybee]

Hi Loula,

I think deep down you know you do deserve the "normal" lifestyle, whatever that might be for you.

You also probably know that for the sake of your safety, relationships and other important parts of your life, its important that you take your medication.

Try and see things from your husbands point of view, he just wants you to be well because he loves you and wants you to be happy.

I hope by now they have started helping you and youre feeling a bit more levelled out.

Like CW says, we all deserve to be happier.

Mummybee