When to seek a new psychologist?

[Rubybleu]

This is the first psychologist I’ve seen in a number of years and this time round I’m seeing one for unresolved trauma from childhood sexual abuse and a fair few issues I have from that time and also to deal with a current legal case against my abuser.
ive had 5 sessions now and I just feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I feel like I’m there just talking to a friend and that I’m not getting any real direction on how to improve or solve my issues.
I can’t put there blame on her because maybe it’s just me? Maybe I’m not giving enough or I’m expecting too much after only 5 sessions?
What is everyone’s experience with this? Any advice?

[ecomama]

Hi Ruby

I feel much the same as Ms Mac about what you're saying about your psych sessions.

More power to you as you go through this horrendous experience of Courts and a legal battle against the abuser.

I know that the whole legal battle can bring PTSD of it's own, compounding the trauma of your childhood and having to go over it again and again is SO re-traumatising.

I understand your urgent need for bolstering through this!
And I commend your common sense of thinking you may need a new psych.

When I was dealing with the legal battles and Courts (years of hell), I had a Counsellor through Uniting who applied for a grant for free sessions for me.
She BOLSTERED me so well throughout this whole time and I felt it was the only place I could breathe fully whilst seeing her.
She gave me tons of strategies which helped ALOT if I remembered them lol.

The anxiety of Courts was crushing my whole chest.

The nightmares were unspeakable.

I still have this Counsellor. A year after Courts ended (or between cases IDK) I sought a trauma psych.

I think BECAUSE I had my Counsellor I was more able to get my goals straight AND I was more able to know WHEN my psych was helping me and most certainly when her help for me had stopped lol.
And it stopped after 3 sessions.

The 1st 3 sessions were intense and loaded with homework.
I also kept seeing my Counsellor in between psych sessions.
On the first session she did exposure therapy (which may not be appropriate for you bec you are being exposed to trauma now).
It was solid darned hard work for each session and between each session.

She taught me how to do exposure therapy on my own. For this I am eternally grateful.
But for the last 2 sessions she was just collecting data and this wasn't what I was paying her for.
I left.

You may not FEEL strong but you are a very strong individual indeed.

You can take charge of your own MH and drive the support you need.

Feeling more empowered as you go through this whole experience is what you need.

More power to You.

We're always here to support you.

Thankyou so much for sharing and THANKYOU eternally for what you're doing for yourself and our society.

Love EM

[Arabesque]

Hello everyone

I hope I can post this here. Apologies if I have this wrong, and for the long post.

I have been seeing a psych for almost 12 months, for PTSD and anxiety, and she has recently gone through an assessment and also diagnosed mild to moderate depression. When I have attacks it affects my heart and I usually end up in A&E.

We started well, and she identified that I have PTSD relating to 2 separate issues; a violent home invasion, and years of constant interference/harassment by my mother-in-law. she spoke about doing EMDR for the PTSD, which I was happy about as I had it many years ago for PTSD after I was hit by a car and I found that it worked really well for me. But that seems to have slipped under the radar, and now more recently I am realising that a lot of the time during our sessions she is relating her 'stories' and also getting somewhat zealous about things like diet and exercise and getting quite directive about what (she believes) I should be doing, in relation to all sorts of things (like selling my home, getting the pension etc).

After the last visit I felt like I'd been subjected to a nagging session from my mother-in-law, and have ended up having some significant anxiety attacks as a consequence.

To complicate matters, our GP has also referred my husband to her, and he has seen her about 4 times now, and is finding her really helpful. At the time she asked me if I was okay wit her seeing him, and I said yes, as long as it didn't detract from MY time, because I knew that he would respond well to her, and I also knew that with the way he works, if I'd said no and he had been referred on to someone else he'd have given up even before making a call. That's just how he is. I've wanted him to seek counselling for many many years, so I have been delighted that it's gone well for him.

I am due to go back to my GP for a review now. I'm feeling like I'd like to ask him to refer me to someone else, but not sure if it's a good idea for me - should I persist with this one as the history is established already - but raise these issues with her straight away, or for my husband. He's super fragile and not likely to respond well to me not gong back to the psych, I am pretty sure it would influence his relationship with her. At 3am this morning I decided that I have to look after myself first.

But now I'm torn in all sorts of directions and don't feel capable of making the right decision.

[smallwolf]

hi Arabesque,

after reading your post my initial thought was that you would chat with your psychologist about these thoughts and see if there is some way to the resolve the issues you mentioned. That does not mean you should not ask for a referral to someone else. From what you were writing it seems your psychologist is talking more about themselves vs letting you talk about your situation. That would be a red flag for me. That and tell you want you should do with your house etc. The only advice that I have ever received from my psychologist was to talk to my wife or person X about some situation.

So if you were not getting this advice from your psychologist would it feel better? Or was the way you felt after the last session the last straw for you?

the other thing that comes to mind for me is that you are paying for a service, for someone to listen to you and to walk with you find ways to resolve the issues presented as opposed to "I think you should ....". In that light, should you decide to chat with them you tell them what is or is not working for you.

With all of that said I feel that changing psychologists would be stressful. For reasons I won't go into, I will be changing my psychologist in July. I had/have questions about the handover, a history and relationship with the current. How and will it work with the new one? These questions were answered but these questions remain in the background.

Not sure if this has helped or muddied the water for you. Of course, the chat with GP can happen and you could ask for their thoughts also.

Tim

[Arabesque]

Hello Tim. Thanks so much for your reply.

I agree about the red flag with the psych talking about herself. I can understand sharing a little to establish true empathy, but this is more than that, and takes up a heap of my time, which as you rightly point out, I'm paying for!

I also think you're right about the last visit being the last straw in many ways. The fact that I'm almost obsessing about it and managing to wind myself up kind of suggests that I really need to address it. I am pretty sure that if I said half of this to my GP he'd immediately refer me on to someone else, which would be fine for me, but I'm still worried about the knock on effect for my husband. He's doing so well with her. And he's just not in a place where I could sit down and discuss this with him. I might have that way wrong, but I don't want to risk trying.

Reading back I sound like I'm putting up brick walls.

Maybe I am. I certainly don't feel I can make the right decision.

[Arabesque]

And Tim, I meant to say that I hope your move to the new psych goes well.

I have no idea, but I'm guessing that you have had a long history with your current person, that must make it hard going to someone new.

I hope the new person is brilliant.

[Yuki_Mei]

Hi Arabesque,

As a counselling student, I can tell you that finding the right counsellor/psychologist is sometimes a process of trial and error. In terms of professional training, we are actually quite diverse in our own preferable and/or specialised treatments/therapy styles. Just like the uniqueness of every client, so are counsellors/psychologists.

I am very sorry to hear what happened between you and your psych. Yes, red flags happen. It is part of our professional training to understand and to be aware of projecting or impose our own values on the clients. That's why ethical training and constant supervision is mandatory for this profession. Unfortunately, it does not make everything perfect in real-life situations.

I understand well that changing to a new psych can be quite challenging in terms of taking time to build trust and of course retell your history. It might be worthwhile to tell your current psych very authentically how you feel about her and your relationship at this stage. It might open up the conversation and opportunity for both of you to work through this. Or switching to a new one could potentially work more effectively, though there is definitely no guarantee. Either would be a courageous move.

[ecomama]

Hey Arabesque, welcome to the forums.

I can see you taking responsibility for your Hs journey towards MH and he needed nudges etc along the way. Perhaps you could tell him you feel you've gotten valuable input from the psych but you've 'used all her strategies up' now and feel the need to move on. (Not that I'd make any such assertions to my partner bec it's a private and personal thing to have or change psychs & Counsellors, "horses for courses" etc).
This kind of convo with H may relieve you of that further responsibility somewhat.

I wouldn't go back to her.
She seems to be placing HER personal value statements on to you in a pressured way.
You mentioned "nagging" and you've had enough of that from MIL!!!
Telling you to sell your house? omg what is that.

YOU coming to that conclusion in therapy is another thing entirely.

I've found that so many MH Professionals have kind of degraded themselves, by their words, behaviours, even tempers lol, in sessions with me and now I can pick it almost immediately.
They do this when they've "run out" of stuff to truly help you with but want to keep you (so they don't feel they've failed or something IDK - not my circus lol).

I think of psychs / Counsellors to be similar to teachers... similar to what Yuki Mei mentioned above.... but would we want the SAME teacher from pre-school through to Year 12 and throughout University? Um doubt it.

YET! There are some absolutely BRILLIANT Counsellors and psychs who can 'meet you where you are' and really support their patients / clients in very mentally healthy ways for a very long time, right through to mental HEALTH.
YOUR success is THEIR success.

I've met one lol, my current Counsellor. I've seen myself or, had experiences thru my children & work & personal life with around 50.
BUT just as you may have had "that brilliant teacher in Year 4" who taught you SO MUCH, who really engaged with YOUR learning and helped you soar for that year?
Same as MH profs.
My last trauma psych was AWESOME for 3 sessions, then nope.
I was gone by session 5.

We simply cannot expect ONE person to be brilliant with everything for us.

It wasn't until I took the helm and STEERED my own MH journey with the aim of Mental HEALTH that I attained it.
I have very little C-PTSD left at all now, yet last year that trauma psych told me to medically retire!
She simply had no idea at that point.
I work FT and love it. Raise all of my kids singlehandedly. Doing well!

You've got this!
Love EM

[Arabesque]

Thank you. That’s really reassuring.

[Arabesque]

Thank you.

your comment about her placing her personal value statements on me really resonates.

I have some things to think about.